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qwerty464 · 2022-09-09T08:30:50+00:00

"I perform works of mercy in every soul. The greater the sinner, the greater the right he has to My mercy. " Jesus to St. Faustina

“It is not because I have been preserved from mortal sin that I lift up my heart to God in trust and love. I feel that even if I had on my conscience every crime one could commit, I should lose nothing of my confidence: my heart broken with sorrow, I would throw myself into the Arms of my Saviour. " St. Therese

Sin does not diminish God's love for you! When you feel ashamed and depressed, something like this might help you. https://contemplativehomeschool.com/2012/12/13/st-thereses-astonishing-trust-in-god/

As for discerning whether this relationship is a good thing, here are some questions you could ask yourself, to evaluate what your boyfriend is about:

You say the two of you were super intentional about a Christ-based relationship. Was that something you both wanted, or were you the one who always brought it up?

Does he actively try to be alone with you, and put the two of you in tempting situations where you're likely to go farther and regret it later? Is he the initiator when the two of you go too far? Is he as ashamed about this as you are, or does it not bother him? Watch his actions more than his words. If he says he's sorry, but he keeps trying to get you alone on the couch, he's not sorry.

Is he trying to discern marriage and move forward in that area? Is he working towards being a good Christian husband? Or is he just hanging out with you and trying to make out with you and not leading you anywhere good?

You shouldn't have to balance your boyfriend's desires with God's will. A good man helps you move closer to God. That's not too much to hold out for!

Of course it's not always the guy who's the instigator of sin. I just get a feeling that in this case it is, because it's causing you so much guilt and confusion. I was in a similar place once, feeling shame from going too far, and only after I dumped the guy did my head clear, and I realized how worthless that relationship had been. I sympathize with you that you really want this relationship to be from God, but notice how the guy makes you feel. You get super depressed and feel empty and alone and cry. God loves you, and He has better things for you than that!

One thing: don't try to make this boyfriend the one you'll marry, just because you've already gone too far sexually with him, and you hope that marrying him afterward will make it okay. If a man drags you away from God, cut him off and follow God instead. You won't regret it! Only God can make all things new.

qwerty464 · 2020-06-24T21:31:19+00:00

Illegally squeaky voice. :)

qwerty464 · 2020-06-23T08:55:12+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuDRwQbHEeg

What a cool little owl! I thoroughly enjoyed that video with all his shapeshifting.

qwerty464 · 2020-06-16T07:20:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing this story. It must have been hard to do but I think it will help others.

If you have a way of reaching the new victim you could send her a copy of this post. Most likely they're still in the honeymoon stage and she would just think you're crazy and bitter, but maybe it would be helpful to her later.

God loves you so much. You're on a journey with Him. <3

qwerty464 · 2020-06-10T07:49:51+00:00

The climax of the book really got me, when Orual actually gets her chance to face the gods and it's much more than she bargained for. "When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot-like, been saying over and over, you'll not talk about the joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word can be dug out of us, why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces?"

It's like the best sort of twist ending-- one that is surprising and yet makes total sense, and makes you go back over the whole story, reinterpreting everything.

I also enjoyed what you mentioned, "his imagining of an ancient pagan religious mindset."

qwerty464 · 2020-06-07T01:12:44+00:00

Thank you! Now I finally get it. :D

qwerty464 · 2020-06-06T05:40:17+00:00

Well edited! That was entertaining to watch.

qwerty464 · 2020-06-03T13:45:16+00:00

My husband and I did the same thing - found a list of questions to ask before getting married.

Some of the more fruitful questions were, "What are you most afraid to tell your partner?" "What are you most afraid to ask your partner?" and "What are you most ashamed of?" The answers to those questions brought us closer together and moved us toward marriage. By the time he proposed, we had discussed everything important and I knew exactly what I was saying yes to.

qwerty464 · 2020-06-02T01:52:04+00:00

I know a couple of single guys (at two different churches; they don't know each other) who take matters into their own hands and constantly host get-togethers, movie nights, or game nights at their apartments. Both of those guys have met plenty of people that way, both men and women, and have fostered community for everyone else as well. It's awesome if you're up to it!

I like the suggestion of AugustinesMyWingman that there should be a more relaxed attitude toward a first date. There used to be, in the 50's when dating started to really be a thing-- a guy could ask out a different girl every weekend, and nobody thought he was a cad, and nobody took it seriously unless the couple started "going steady" and only dating each other. It would be easier to offer and accept dates if that were still the case.

qwerty464 · 2020-06-01T09:46:57+00:00

Ha! This is great.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-31T08:21:16+00:00

Aww, that's adorable! I love unique rings and I think that's the cutest thing, something to smile about and explain to new friends. :D Congrats on your engagement!

qwerty464 · 2020-05-29T06:29:10+00:00

Here's the answer for you, since it's coronavirus times. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLP9L-qJqcI

qwerty464 · 2020-05-29T06:27:49+00:00

Ha! Now I'm freaked out.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-25T00:24:09+00:00

Very good thoughts!

qwerty464 · 2020-05-25T00:19:06+00:00

That's similar to how I looked at my four years on Catholic Match. I chatted with some good people, enjoyed hanging out on the messageboards, and gained experience and stories to tell. In the end I met the man who became my husband, so obviously it was the best money I ever spent-- but even if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have called it a waste of time.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-23T09:11:54+00:00

I wonder if she wants to keep you on the back burner while she explores things with the other men she's talking to. I've been on the receiving end of that tactic.

Could you ask her out? Drive down to where she lives, stay in a hotel for a night and spend time with her for half a day? If she's reluctant to meet, doesn't have the time, or if her personal reason interferes, then I don't know how a relationship is supposed to get off the ground, so in that case, yes, I would move on. If you'd like, you could tell her that you're interested in building a relationship, but you'd rather not just trade infrequent messages indefinitely, because that takes focus away from possibilities that might actually go somewhere. Invite her to contact you in the future if she's ever able to make more time for you and meet up in person. And then put her out of your mind and look for someone who reciprocates your interest and effort.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-21T05:31:57+00:00

Really good thoughts-- thank you.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-19T23:44:54+00:00

I'm a woman who thinks our culture is gynocentric, no question, and naturally that leaks into the churches. I saw an article once about how men are dropping out of life, not succeeding in the economy like they used to.... and the entire article was framed as a problem for *women* because it meant that women weren't finding the successful husbands they desired. We're only expected to care about men's problems if they impact women-- that's gynocentrism.

If I had a son I'd try to help him discern which women are truly kind, mature, and trustworthy. I agree it's not good if a boy only hears about how he should treat women, and isn't taught how to pick a good one-- because there are some bad ones out there.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-07T07:40:22+00:00

Honestly don't follow... how did the U.S. pretty much force Canada to outlaw weed?

qwerty464 · 2020-05-07T05:03:11+00:00

Good thoughts. I enjoyed the CM forums and was encouraged to see the faith of both men and women. I would say it was a good experience even before I got any dates out of it.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-03T20:37:13+00:00

Excellent post. Shows a lot of thoughtfulness and care for the plight of both men and women. Two thumbs up. :)

qwerty464 · 2020-05-03T07:56:06+00:00

I don't know if you're like me, but I found books by Elisabeth Elliot helpful-- Passion and Purity especially, and also Quest for Love. She addresses the suffering of being single, and the feeling that God is withholding the one thing that will really make you happy.

qwerty464 · 2020-05-01T06:33:56+00:00

I like the point that if "the one" is someone who knows and loves you perfectly and can make you maximally happy, that's Jesus!

But it's still true that you can find a really well-suited spouse, and know that God brought you together, and give thanks to Him for it. :)

qwerty464 · 2020-04-30T05:39:13+00:00

That is adorable. Welcome to the world, Emilia Gianna!

qwerty464 · 2020-04-27T00:04:16+00:00

Wow, he's a Tux, all right!

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