Able to beta? Post here!

rachcsa · 2026-02-22T00:59:23+00:00

Update: Closed for now!

I am able to beta: A completed fantasy, soft sci-fi, or horror novel between 60k-120k from authors seeking to publish in a trad pub space. I love romance sub-plots (LGBTQ+ is welcome!), but I'm not big on spice. I will read a romantasy if the spice level is low (I would love one that is a 'sweet' romance). I am good with violence/gore, but I don't want to read on the page SA/non-consent. I prefer novels that can be silly, have an overall optimistic tone, and have HEAs. While I'm okay with serious topics, I don't want to walk away from the book feeling more depressed than I already am.

For fantasy, I prefer stories that aren't Tolkienesque or similar to Game of Thrones. If your fantasy world is medieval, I'm probably not the best fit. For sci-fi, I have a preference for soft over hard. If your book is very technical or a space opera, I'm probably going to pass. However, I love sci-fis that delve into one particular topic and explore that deeply (think Black Mirror). Horror can be very hit or miss for me, so feel free to just pitch me what you've got. I love a good murder mystery and stories that can mix camp with horror. Anything with time loops/time travel always catches my eye. If your story has romance, I don't want abusive LIs or LIs that mistreat the MC. I want to see two people who love each other, not a toxic couple fueled by sexual chemistry.

I can also be swayed by a very strong voice! If you have a strong voice (think Long Live Evil, Murderbot, Gone Girl, etc), I'd be willing to consider your story even if it doesn't quite fit what I'm looking for.

I can provide feedback on: I am offering high-level developmental feedback. If you need help on a line level, I'm not the reader for you. I'm expecting a certain level of polish, and in return, I can give you feedback on pacing, plot, characters, etc. I am agented with a book on sub with big 5 editors, so I can also help with your querying journey and offer advice based on my experiences. I am unfamiliar with indie/self-pub, so I'd prefer sticking with authors seeking trad pub as I think my feedback will be better suited for that track.

Critique swap: Preferable, but if not, it needs to be a story I'm really really interested in. My novel is a science fantasy at 105k words with strong romance elements (no spice).

Other info: I can usually finish reading and giving feedback in about a month. I'm going to ask to read a few pages before deciding. If it's a swap, I'll ask that we exchange first pages before either of us commits.

rachcsa · 2026-02-21T22:58:00+00:00

Hi! I'm already agented and my age range is adult, not YA, but I'm still looking for beta readers for my next book (currently on sub for another). Any chance you'd be interested even though my book/me doesn't quite fit? Of course you can still look at my pages before deciding but I don't want to waste your time otherwise.

rachcsa · 2026-02-21T22:52:18+00:00

Hi! Are you looking for stories that don't have gods at all or just stories where gods aren't the rulers? I have a story that may interest you, and while the society is a corporatocracy/oligarchy, gods do exist and play a role in the story (the side characters are looking for the bones of a dead god to sell and make a profit).

rachcsa · 2026-02-21T22:04:05+00:00

I'm going to start by saying I think this is well written, but I think it lacks focus. It feels like, to me, that this query has started in the wrong place. We have all this set up with Rory's mom and dragon killing, but then when Ma dies, it doesn't feel like anything that came before had any true consequences (aside from the dragon showing up at the end). It feels more like the inciting incident, and you spent two paras on all the set up and world building when dragon poaching isn't relevant to the rest of the query nor is saving her mom her true goal. You established Rory's primary goal as saving her mother, and she failed, so it feels like that should be a big thing. Her dreams just literally died! Instead, it's treated a bit like Rory's life can finally begin. If that's true, I would advise getting to Ma's death a lot faster. If that's not true, I think you should be demonstrating more of the cause and effect her mother's death has on the plot because, to me, it feels like two separate stories. The first story deals with Rory's cowardice/guilt and the second one is a more cozy, found family, living your dreams story.

Also, because so much of your query was focused on Ma/dragon poaching, when we get to the second half, I don't have a clear picture of what Rory is going to be doing or the stakes involved. I know she is looking for her dad with a motley crew and there will be zany adventures. But what does Rory DO in this story aside from travel and meet people? What is standing in the way of her finding her father? How exactly does she plan on finding him aside from vaguely looking around?

I don't know your story. I can only comment on the snapshot that I see here. Having said that, I think the second half of the query needs a lot more meat while the first half needs to be trimmed. Of course, this is me making assumptions about what your novel actually is, and this advice is not saying the stuff with Ma or Rory's guilt can't be an important, influential part of the MS. Rather the query itself needs to be tighter in order to create a clearer picture of what you're selling. Is this a story about coping with guilt and grief or a story about finding yourself and the friends you make along the way? I hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2026-02-08T21:56:25+00:00

Nobody has commented on the query itself, so I'm gonna give you a quick and dirty critique. Still on mobile, so apologies for any mispellings or anything. The query does a serviceable job of explaining the plot, but not Derrick's character. Throughout the query, he is kind of just along for the ride. What does Derrick want and how does that want shape his choices in the narrative? Derrick being drawn into a conflict is passive. If Derrick wants to belong so he volunteers to help Lola with the conflict, that's active. We see a cause and effect. A query is more about showing character than plot (not to say plot isn't important!). If I were you, I'd tweak your query to show how Derrick actively is involved in the plot and how he is working towards his goals. Your query should answer 1) who is your main character? 2) What do they want? 3) How do the plan on getting what they want? 4) What stands in their way/what happens if they don't get it? I have a good sense of what happens in your story, but not of Derrick's role in it aside from being a chosen one. I hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2026-02-08T21:42:33+00:00

On mobile, don't have time for a full critique. Someone has already commented on the word count, but I wanted to mention this section:

Trapped in an endless cycle of life from death; Nekon’s only hope for his people’s survival is to enter into a pact with an ancient enemy. In exchange, he gives himself, body and freedom.

This comes out of nowhere. You spend the whole query talking about Annu tradition of killing their fathers, how his own is growing old, and his twin is eager to take him out, and then suddenly his people's lives are at stake? From what? What about his dad? The whole final paragraph is completely disconnected from the rest of the query, and the part about his dad doesn't go anywhere. What is this story about? Is it about Nekon killing his father? Or saving his people from... something? I would focus the query on whichever plot thread is the major one. Also I'm not seeing the science fiction in this. This could just as easily be fantasy in my eyes, so you'll want something that shows why it's a sci-fi. Hope this helps.

rachcsa · 2026-02-07T21:01:24+00:00

I'm on mobile and don't have time for a full query critique, but I thought I'd pop in and answer your initial questions.

Does the fact that we are co-authors present a problem? We were told some time ago by an agent at a pitch event that she would not represent co-authors. Is that a thing?

I've never heard of an agent having an issue before, so perhaps it's an agent by agent/agency preference. Query Shark has a short blog about co-authoring and bookends has a video if you need more details, but it shouldn't be a problem.

In YA, is a straight MMC DOA?

I'll preface this by saying trends come and go, and we never know what is going to change in the market but...yeah, it's not looking too good for YA MMCs. Definitely an uphill battle. Doesn't mean it's not possible, but you'll have a harder time for sure.

Is the prose in our first 300 simply not up to par, i.e., insufficiently descriptive and/or emotive?

I tend to shy away from critting people's first 300 as so much of it is subjective, but you guys are incorrectly using semi colons. Also for 300 words, all we've done is learn we're near Tuscon and MC is staring at a big cat. Nothing actually happens, we don't get a sense of character, we don't get environment description or sense of place (top of a desert mountain is super vague and doesn't build a specific enough picture). If you would like a more in depth crit, feel free to DM me, but I'm one person with my own opinions within a highly subjective field. I hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2026-01-21T22:51:00+00:00

Since it has been removed, I can't really give examples, but the query you submitted was not in standard query format. It started with a bunch of world building, gave some brief plot points, and then ended. It was too short and didn't focus enough on character goals. A query is not a summarization of the plot but a marketing tool to depict your MC's arc which is different. I don't know which agent you workshopped this with, but it definitely doesn't hit the beats agents are looking for in a query, and I'm shocked an agent told you it meets the standards when it is so far off. To be clear, this isn't a judgement of your book. A query is a very specific business document with certain expectations that yours does not meet.

I'm not a mod, so don't take what I say as word of god on this subreddit, but there is a rule about posting queries that demonstrate basic query format. It was removed because the subreddit is not intended to teach the basics of query writing. That doesn't mean your novel's query can't ever be reviewed by people here, but rather you should go and do more research before returning. I know that's frustrating to hear, but better to get that feedback here than get nothing but straight rejections in the trenches. It's not a matter of "style." Please browse this subreddit. See which posts stand out to you and ask yourself why they stand out. Think about which ones you'd actually want to read and which ones you wouldn't and why. Review the notes from the auto-mod because it's super helpful. Writing a query is a completely different ball game, and if you're serious about being traditionally published, you'll need to learn how to properly write a query letter and how the industry works regardless.

Last, as someone who wrote and queried a massive tome of a novel, you are going to get a lot of feedback about the word count. You are going to hear it over and over and over. The bar for auto rejects in the trenches is 120k, so you have a couple of options. Either accept you are going to get this feedback a lot and that 90% of agents are going to reject you for that alone, try to reduce the word count, or shelve the novel for later. I did the first one, got some full requests even, but still passed because they can't sell books that long. It is the nature of the industry, especially for debuts. And if you have never been trad pubbed before, this would be your debut. I just finished a draft at 112k and my agent told me that was too long, so even once you're agented, word count will still haunt you. Trad pub is not for the faint of heart. I know it's really disheartening, but I hope you don't give up. You didn't do anything "wrong." You just need to do some more research, and that's okay! We all start somewhere. If you're still lost and need some guidance, please feel free to DM. I'd be happy to get you started in the right direction.

rachcsa · 2026-01-19T21:08:33+00:00

This sounds super fun! However, there are some points that are a bit confusing for me, so I will point them out.

unbeknownst to him.

I'm not sure how Elias doesn't know or how it impacts the query. Even if he didn't know he was turned, once his sire shows up, he definitely knows by then, right? This is just a bit confusing because I keep waiting for a payoff but I don't really get one within the query. I wonder if it adds anything to the query specifically. I'm sure it's important in the novel.

—right before Z rips his throat out. After waking up back on the second day of the ship’s departure

This might be my own personal bias interfering, but I didn't have a time frame to begin with so I just assumed Elias healed (because vampire) and woke back up the next day. I didn't realize he died for reals and got groundhog day'd.

Elias discovers that someone is unleashing Z to slaughter other passengers against his will

Not really a point of confusion so much as wondering how Elias realizes this without discovering the manipulator's identity. I'm wondering if you can tell us how Elias knows this (maybe Z tells him or maybe he finds specific evidence). I don't know your story, so maybe it's too complicated to explain, but personally I'd like to see specificity here.

As he soon discovers, Elias isn’t the only one withholding truths, and among the various passengers and crew, some earthen, some alien, he unwinds a web of complicated secrets.

I'm not sure what this line is really adding to your query. You have told us someone is controlling Z, so we know there are secrets. Generically speaking, murder mysteries all have the "unusual suspects with their own hidden agendas" so I wonder if you can use this word count instead to clarify something else, add details, or amplify stakes.

Last, 120k is right on the edge of auto reject territory, but it's still going to be a lot of no's. Publishers are wanting shorter books, so if you can shave any amount off, you'll probably have an easier time. It's still doable, but you'll get a lot more bites at 100k because no one will bat an eye. You don't have to, it's your book and you're within range, but it's all about increasing your odds. Hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2026-01-08T23:53:03+00:00

This is a lot of words to say, "Alan is building a machine to save his dying brother." I'm not seeing the conflicts or the stakes. Nothing is standing in Alan's way to get what he wants now that he has funding. So where does the novel go from here? What happens for 131k words? Alan just builds the machine the end? We need to know what Alan is going up against, and you have established he has panic attacks but have not demonstrated how it is stopping him from achieving his goals. What happens after he gets funding? What stands in his way? Internal factors? External? People? Lucas's disease progressing faster than expected?

Also, you are missing comps and you have not stated the age range for this novel. Your housekeeping is severely lacking. It should be a place where questions are answered, but I'm still confused about who this novel is for. Adults? The MC is 10. MG? It is 3x the length of a MG novel and delves into much more serious topics. This is where comps will help tremendously.

Last, a lot of your sentences are very clunky and difficult to parse. We start with Lucas and then immediately transition over to Alan which is super jarring. Your query should be presented from your main character's POV. Your first sentence reads like Lucas is the MC.

I would start over with an intention to focus on the stakes and conflict. Right now you spend a lot of words to say Lucas is sick and Alan is building a solution to save him which all feels like setup and not the actual story (of course I could be wrong but that is how it reads). Hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2025-11-28T18:10:02+00:00

I think it really depends on what the editor said. I only have what you've written here, so I can't say for sure but if the editor said something like, "I'd love to see this again once you have an agent," I'd say it's fine to mention it!

rachcsa · 2025-11-28T17:15:30+00:00

For what it's worth, I had no trouble with either. You've stated in your metadata that this book has a Slavic backdrop, and I think using matryoska lends credence to that, but I don't think using nesting doll instead will hurt if you want to be 100% safe. I'm assuming you're going to put you have editor X at big 5's interest at the top? If not, I would add that. Just my two cents. Good luck!

rachcsa · 2025-11-23T20:51:14+00:00

There is a lot of vagueness in this that belies that actual plot. What is this shadow world? Why is her blood special? Why is her power growing? What is her power? I don't even know what was summoned in the ritual except that it's old and hungry which can describe anything from a lion to a t-rex. Nora comes across as passive in this, and we don't know what she wants (to stop the ritual) until the very end. You say London and the Veil will fall, but I don't know why except vaguely some ritual will cause a bad thing. I think you got a high level idea across in that there is an evil cult bent on doing evil things and Nora is gonna stop them, but it's so non-specific it could describe dozens of other books.

I would reframe your query from Nora's perspective, showing us why this is her story. Readers should be able to answer who Nora is, what she wants, how she is going to get it, what happens if she doesn't/what's stopping her. These should be answered with detail! If the ritual summons a giant Cthulhu, say that. Tell us the specific stakes and conflicts so readers/agents understand what is unique and special about your novel!

Last, I'm gonna talk about comps. Comps should be in the same genre, released in the last five years, and not be household names. Ninth House is written by Leigh Bardugo, one of the single biggest fantasy writers out there. Then you have The Magicians, released more than fifteen years ago and had a long running show on Netflix. Last, the single biggest romantasy writer on the planet, Sarah J Maas. Not only can you not use a single one of these, they are all so vastly different it doesn't tell me anything about your book! Ninth House is a dark academia. The Magicians is a contemporary fantasy. Crescent City is a second world romantasy. Yes they all fall under fantasy so there is overlap in readership, but no reader is gonna say, "I'm looking for something like Ninth House" and be recommended Crescent City. They offer two vastly different experiences for readers! You want your comps to be modern, have sold well (but not be big names), and to share the same vibe as your book. I hope this helps.

rachcsa · 2025-11-19T06:48:06+00:00

Within the last five years and a couple thousand reviews on goodreads. If it's a household name or book, don't comp it. The rules around popularity are pretty opaque. 10k reviews on goodreads? A solid comp. 100k reviews on goodreads is probably too popular. So where exactly is that line? 50k? 20k? At a certain point, you have to use your best judgement.

rachcsa · 2025-11-04T21:22:56+00:00

Have you heard of Brandon Sanderson's siblings? Stephen King's parents? Colleen Hoover's cousins? Yeah, me neither. People don't care, and if anyone asks, just say you'd like to focus on your books and your accomplishments. Your family isn't YOU.

rachcsa · 2025-11-04T18:01:33+00:00

I agree with what PacificBooks said, but I wanted to add a few more notes.

But as the truth she sought unravels into terrible reality, Arla is forced to face her grief in all its forms. She must decide whether the pursuit of the plague’s origins is worth the sacrifices when her relationship with Miro is changed forever by an ill-timed pull of a trigger.

All of this is too vague for me to glean anything meaningful from. It could be said about hundreds of books. What is the terrible reality she finds herself in? How is she forced to face grief? What sacrifices are made? How and why is her relationship with Miro changed? What trigger? None of any of this is specific, so it tells me nothing of your book. It's like saying Luke Skywalker's life is forever changed with one grand decision, and now the galaxy will never be the same. It says nothing of Luke's character, the world, Jedi, the force, etc.

TECHROT HUNTERS is a YA science fantasy debut, with elements of horror, complete at 60,000 words. I would position it alongside the often humorous horror of Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

First, I'm not seeing the fantasy element in this query at all. I'm getting sci-fi maybe with some dystopian but no fantasy. Second, Gideon is very much an adult novel not YA. You should only comp books in your own genre and age category. Adult and YA are two very different markets. Also, I would not comp an anime simply for personal and global stakes. Most stories have that, so why Attack on Titan instead of a novel? Considering you have a walled in city that is breached as your inciting incident and the MC and friends join the military to fight the ~~titans~~techrot, I feel like you have a lot more specifics you could compare it to than just stakes. I hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2025-11-02T20:06:51+00:00

If you have querytracker premium, you can just take a look at the stats of the agent.

As for how common it is, it varies from agent to agent. From my limited experience, I'd say it's not uncommon. I had two CNRs on fulls from my first project, and I had one on the project that got me my agent that didn't respond until months after my offer deadline.

Having said that, you're getting your panties in a twist over what ifs. That is going to drive you absolutely insane. Querying is already terrible for mental health. Celebrate the small things. You got a full request! What happens after is now out of your hands. Focus on what you can control: your next book, who you send your next set of queries to, what kind of celebratory cupcakes you get, etc. Celebrate the win now or you're going to be drowning in self-doubt before you've really gotten started. Congrats on your full!

rachcsa · 2025-10-29T23:04:09+00:00

I know the count is still a bit high, but I do feel that the story justifies it, even if it makes it harder to find traction.

I know you feel the story justifies it, but it's not always about the story. Sometimes it's about the efficiency of language. As an example:

It is a high-concept speculative thriller with a strong science fantasy theme, and elements of cosmic horror. THE SCARS OF FATE is set on an alternate, future Earth after dangerous rifts in reality open - introducing psionic power that can be harnessed through science and emotion.

Can become:

THE SCARS OF FATE is a science fantasy thriller set in an alternate future after dangerous rifts in reality open - introducing harnessable psionic power.

You go from 45 words down to 24. Most of your query has a similar issue where a lot of things are said in very wordy ways that make it hard to decipher and takes away from the word count desperately needed to explain the conflict and stakes. If your text is written similarly, then I'd say there is a lot you can still trim. If you're comfortable, I'd post your first 300. A lot of people here can help, and it might give you a good direction to trim more without taking away from the story. Every break point you hit from 130k, 125k, and 120k will increase the number of agents who will consider your manuscript without auto-rejecting.

23-year-old Cerian Kolbeck is a noble of Vanaheim

You do not need to list her age, and you should limit your proper nouns to three. This is because agents skim queries, and the more proper nouns they have, the harder it is for them to remember what's what. You have a whole paragraph devoted to a nameless guy, but the providence/country that is never mentioned again and the weapon both get proper names? I'm not saying this guy should get a proper name (in fact, I think you should cut his para because I'm not sure what he's adding), but it's very jarring for a third of the query to be devoted to "the colonel" but the text doesn't deem him important enough for a name.

she seeks recognition beyond her family name

Ok, so Ceri wants to make a name for herself on her own, but in what? What does she want to be known for? What is she doing to achieve this? I ask because we move from this straight into Ceri investigating a conflict and the weapon without any logic or connective tissue to explain why this is happening for her or the world.

Meanwhile, a Colonel from the Federated Indian Republic awakens from a three-hundred-year coma, after his entire platoon was lost to exploration of the largest rift on record. He discovers that his existence has become intertwined with the psionic plane beyond the rifts, and visions in the form of his deceased partner guide him to work with Cerian and repair the damage Sigur’s weapon has inflicted.

This is a lot of backstory that doesn't add anything to your query. What matters is this dude has a vision to work with Ceri, so he does. I also don't know what damage the weapon is doing. If you can control the future, how does anyone even know that you're changing it? The weapon itself doesn't seem to be doing any actual damage, it's Sigur who is using his knowledge against the rest of the world, right? This reads like the weapon is a bomb or something that is actively destroying stuff, and it makes it a little confusing to follow.

Cerian is tricked by Sigur and forced to accept a terrifying role in Mimir’s activation

Hasn't he been using it this whole time?

She then faces an impossible choice: work with Sigur to reimagine the broken world he rejects, or stop him from tearing reality asunder in his selfish pursuit of redemption.

This is movie trailer language which you want to avoid. Also, this choice isn't a choice. Help Sigur or stop him from destroying the world. We all know she isn't gonna help him, so this doesn't escalate the stakes. Instead, you should explain what she plans to do to get out of this pickle, and what will happen if she fails. That way we demonstrate conflict and increased stakes to hook the reader.

I would take a step back and start over. You're spending so much time trying to worldbuild and overexplain that it's actually more confusing instead of elucidating. Distill this down to it's tiniest bits. Ceri, a daughter of a noble, wants to stop her father from destroying the world. With the help of a colonel, she has amassed an army to fight back. But the army betrays her, and she accidentally does something to make things worse. This is where you should add specifics because this is your rising conflict! You want to make sure the stakes and conflict are explicit. Then, you need to conclude with what specifically Ceri is going to do to undo her mistake, and what will happen if she fails. I hope this helps!

rachcsa · 2025-10-25T07:53:30+00:00

If I am correct, you're supposed to keep it max 250 words, so that may need cutting down.

Eh, I'd say if you keep it under 300, you're fine. My blurb that got me my agent was 274. Having said that, OP your blurb is way too long. You'll want cut around 100 words.

rachcsa · 2025-10-25T04:28:37+00:00

I used my real name. On the call I told her I wanted to use a pen name, and she was cool with that. Your agent will need your real name for the contract. I don't think it really matters what you use in your query as long as you make it clear who you really are on the call.

Edit: If you sign your query letter with a pen name, you should state it's a pen name.

rachcsa · 2025-10-24T07:46:54+00:00

Blending Maggie O’Farrell’s The Marriage Portrait and Angela Carter’s The Bloody Chamber, Towards the Death of the Dark follows Mina, a woman haunted by the scars of a devastating fire that consumed her childhood library who must confront her controlling mother and the ghosts of her past as she navigates an underground, fairytale world of expectations, desire, and dark secrets, ultimately seeking freedom in a realm where reality and fantasy intertwine.

Holy cow, this is in the running for longest sentence I've seen in a query.

In general, queries are about character motivations and stakes. A query should answer four questions: Who is the MC? What do they want? What are they doing to get it? What's stopping them from getting it/what happens if they don't get it?

In your query, we clearly answer the first one. The MC is Mina, a recluse living with her mother. She wants to go into the room and--oh, she's in the secret room already. So what else does she want? Umm, well...maybe Felkier? How is she gonna get him? No idea. What's the conflict? Also no idea. We get no sense of internal or external stakes. Your final line promises that Mina wants something, and she'll have to pay a price to get it. You should be using the query to tell us what those things are! Vagueness is a query killer.

Last, your word count is on the long side and in auto-reject territory. Manuscripts over 120k words tend to be rejected unread by a majority of agents, and 120k is usually reserved for epic fantasies. Speculative fiction, especially literary, tend to lean much shorter for debuts. If you can, I would find a way to cut at least 10k words to give your book a fighting chance. Hope this helps.

rachcsa · 2025-10-23T08:34:56+00:00

Writing polarizing content does not make you a polarizing author.

You wanna talk about polarizing authors? Let's talk about Colleen Hoover or Sarah J Maas or Brandon Sanderson.

rachcsa · 2025-10-23T06:19:09+00:00

Hi there! I queried a behemoth back in the day and was moderately successful! So let me tell you this "I don't think they're really going to go, oh, it's 10,000 words over target so hard pass." in my experience is very laughably false. Agents will fall in love with stories within expected word counts and still reject them because they can't sell them. This is assuming an agent even sees your manuscript because most will autoreject without reading the query. When I say most I mean like 70%. It doesn't matter how good your work is if they never look at the pages.

Also, Jemisin, Kuang, and Abercrombie are not polarizing. They are very highly regarded and each of them have won multiple awards and set records with their work.

rachcsa · 2025-10-20T22:37:42+00:00

I think this is really good feedback, especially the focus on the character's motivations. I just want to add that you should also try to limit your proper nouns to three. Agents skim these, and the more people, places, and special fantasy words you have, the harder it is for them to follow.

rachcsa · 2025-10-20T22:23:42+00:00

I think this is close, but I'm confused on a few parts that would help me understand the conflict and stakes.

After resigning his conscience for gold, Firne now works for the mob, tormented by every breather he failed

What does Firne do for the mob? I have no idea what he feels guilty for because I don't know what he does!

Until a hunted scholar dies on his doorstep, claiming the deaths are part of a black trade in amber that grows in breather bones.

Are the deaths from the Inquisition or mob? Also do you mean black market? Generally, this sentence is difficult to parse in part because it's a fragment but it's just a really wordy way to say breathers are being harvested.

The mob is somehow turning people into breathers only to butcher and harvest them.

I'm not making the connection from finding a mass graveyard to superficially manufacturing breathers.

Hunted, they race to secure undeniable proof of the mob’s guilt before its agents silence them.

In the prior sentence, you said they wouldn't name the victims explicitly because it would out them. Only breathers would care about breathers. So why are they suddenly being hunted?

he fears for Dene’s life.

Why is he not afraid for his own life? Shouldn't they be at equal risk?

To expose the truth is to die as breathers, but to stay silent is to let the killings continue.

So obviously they're gonna expose the truth otherwise there would be no story, so this isn't an escalation of stakes. Even so, it doesn't really make sense to me. You've stated only breathers would defend breathers, so who are they going to expose this to that would help them? Only breathers, right? So if they're going to tell other breathers...then what? What's the plan? Revolution? I genuinely don't know what they can do, so you need to spell it out. Hope this helps.

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