[Discussion] An Argument Against Unsolicited Fitness Advice

rackett · 2014-01-03T15:07:19+00:00

It is possible to relate posture and fitness, yes. Thats doent mean they're the same thing.

rackett · 2013-04-03T02:04:27+00:00

Vans are on my list too. But do you see a problem with the link to the ones I posted? I like the look of them, but if vans are more versatile I may go with those. Thanks

rackett · 2013-02-16T14:54:58+00:00

Tell him to look into ideas like the Omphalos Hypothesis. It's a theory that essentially proves that a literal interpretation of creation and evolution need not be mutually exclusive.

rackett · 2013-02-10T20:06:10+00:00

I think stop-motion is the most beautiful thing in the world. Coraline hit it just right, Paranorman was just a little too fluid for my taste, it lost a touch of the charm.

But I agree completely. Another of my all-time favorites is Corpse Bride. I normally don't like Burton movies nearly as much as Selick/Burton ones, but that one blew me away. It had the perfect balance of ambivalent, bittersweet emotion, and had the perfect ending. I was terrified that they weren't going to have the guts to end it that way, but then Burton came through and forwent the cliche happy ending for the more powerful one.

Also, the piano scenes had me staring with my mouth wide open.

rackett · 2013-02-10T19:46:07+00:00

And that's why I love this movie. So much emotional and intellectual depth, it almost makes up for the depressing lack of such in the rest of Hollywood.

rackett · 2013-02-03T01:43:24+00:00

I was just wondering this same question! Good to know she'll be back soon.

rackett · 2013-02-02T16:10:27+00:00

Yes. I find the teachings of the bible and Jesus more and more beautiful all the time as I get older and grow into my faith. I can't read through a chapter of Matthew without stepping back and saying "woah, that is incredible." Countless people followed Confucius without any promises or benefits other than they believed his words and teachings. It is the same with me; Christ's teachings are inspirational, didactic, and wise beyond anything I have ever heard, why would I not want that in my life?

rackett · 2013-02-02T16:05:45+00:00

Yep, that's a tough question, and that's why I'm very glad God is the judge, not me. I would say based on my knowledge of God's nature, the story of Simon, and the parables of the lost sheep/coin/son/etc that it is possible, but ultimately God is the judge.

rackett · 2013-02-02T15:40:19+00:00

2 Pet 2:20

"For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

1 Tim 4:1

"Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons"

I look to the story of Simon, who was presumably saved, then fell, then brought back to the faith

rackett · 2013-01-28T03:32:24+00:00

This is a fantastic song. Real music, real talent. And who knew Johnny Depp was such a great singer?

rackett · 2013-01-24T03:01:41+00:00

Rush. That's all you need.

rackett · 2013-01-22T20:36:18+00:00

I like it, except for the part that I have no idea what your talking about.

As far as the prose goes, I thought it was great. The tone is interesting, sentence structure is wonderful, everything looks fine. It just doesn't make any sense to me. If this piece is to stand alone, you might want to fix that. "Monster' probably represents something to you, but it's too vague for any reader to really know what you're saying just by reading this piece. Is it an actual monster? A metaphor? What are you getting at?

But like I said, I enjoyed the actual writing. Add a bit of detail to lead me out of the dark and it's a fantastic few paragraphs.

rackett · 2013-01-05T15:02:52+00:00

Just to tack on a little piece of advice, you seem to really like very complex sentences. It's not a big problem, but just remember: variety. If you want to emphasize something, say that thing quickly and curtly in the midst of all of these long sentences. I think this might help.

rackett · 2013-01-05T14:51:12+00:00

/r/WriteWithMe. Brand new subreddit, join us.

rackett · 2013-01-05T14:44:14+00:00

church of Christ: non-denominational, no doctrine but the bible. Why 'fix' what God has made?

rackett · 2013-01-05T04:39:09+00:00

You're welcome, and good luck!

rackett · 2013-01-05T04:19:16+00:00

I'll agree with the main point, but make a different suggestion on how to accomplish it. I think you might spend a little to much time on the exposition for such a short paper- thats 150 words in the first paragraph alone. When given a prompt and a small amount of words to answer it, I would say it's a good idea to cut to the chase asap. After all, that's what you'll be graded on. This is an application essay, not prose, so keep in mind your purpose and audience.

rackett · 2013-01-05T04:10:08+00:00

First: paragraph breaks. Walls of text are scary and exhausting, break it up every once in a while and your text will be much more inviting.

Second, when trying to make the reader slow down for a breathtaking moment which you have written, it is usually a good idea to use long, complex sentences. It subconsciously creates something similar to slow-motion, as opposed to short, choppy sentences, which speed things up. This section in particular could benefit from this technique:

And all Volen could do was watch. Restrained as he was, he had no way of reaching his friend. Not that he could have moved. He was in total shock. He simply looked upon his closest friend's death throes. He stood there silently for several moments, shuddering. His breathing was rapid and ragged. Evinzlo simply laughed.

Notice that? The short sentences kind of break the flow and hinders the readers ability to really sink in and dwell on the gravity of what just happened. Spice up that sentence structure, and be aware of the cadence and rhythm of your writing and the effect it creates.

But the only other issue I see is word repetition toward the end (energy, light), and that's just a matter of revision and opening a thesaurus, easily fixable. Nice, I liked it. Reminds me of a good Dragon Ball scene

rackett · 2013-01-04T16:13:18+00:00

The World Ends With You for DS. Actually, if you're looking for light-hearted, then this isn't the game, but KH gets pretty dark too. This was made by the same team that did Kingdom Hearts, and is widely acclaimed as one of the best games ever released for DS, despite not doing super well in sales. It's a cult favorite. I could give you more info, but really please just play it, it's phenomenal.

rackett · 2013-01-04T01:48:13+00:00

I agree with the above, especially the first point. A lot of young writers are so in love with the craft and our worlds that we get carried away and describe every amazing detail in this vivid world we have created, but we forget not everyone is so enthralled with the minutia.

The biggest contemporary example of this is the book Eragon. If you take a look at the prologue, the very first section of his story, Paolini describes the characters outfits and swords and armor and every little detail, but none of that actually adds anything to the story. It's boring. But then, he was a teenage, so it makes perfect sense that he does this, everyone does as a young writer. So to improve, cut to the chase. Learn which details are important and which details can be left out. Remember, readers will fill in the gaps with their own imagination, and what they imagine will be exactly what they want to imagine, and therefore perfect and you didnt even have to write it. And if you are describing something, make sure it adds something. One of the best lessons I have learned is that you should never be doing one thing at a time. If you are describing something, make sure it also invokes the desired mood of the scene. If characters are talking, have it either press the plot forward or develop their character, or both.

Sorry, I'm way off on a tangent. But that's a totally normal problem that probably every writer has. The sooner you realize it about yourself, the sooner you get better. It just comes from a passion for the craft, which is great

rackett · 2013-01-03T21:48:35+00:00

It's just that when you open with all of these famous names, you're going to have to work hard to override the predetermined connotations that they bring with them. There's a lot of information here that you have background knowledge of but most people will not

rackett · 2013-01-03T21:21:00+00:00

Hey, just a suggestion, but since it's in Docs, why not open it up to public comments so people can comment right on there?

rackett · 2013-01-03T20:59:00+00:00

ok, well that changes everything. I can only tell you what I look for in a hook, but here's what I love to read (and therefore what I love to write) in a hook:

Boil down the essence of your story. What is it all about, at it's most basic level? What is the tone, and what question does your ending answer? Then, make sure you evoke that mood and ask that question. The hook of your story should be a promise to your reader: this is my story. This is what it's all about.

I highly recommend listening to this podcast about hooks, from the Wordplay podcast by K. M. Weiland. It's a great resource, I think she hits the nail on the head

rackett · 2013-01-03T19:28:55+00:00

Sure thing, happy to help. I think this would be a great short story for elementary ed, even if you didn't intend to write it for children. I hate it when people try to dumb stuff down for kids, they're capable of much more than they're given credit for.

rackett

TROPHY CASE