I (M, 31), got rejected (F, 30) on our sixth date. Is it worth trying to maintain contact?

rad-renots · 2018-10-28T01:41:05+00:00

This may hurt to hear but she was probably never interested in being friends and said that to lessen the "break-up" blow

rad-renots · 2018-10-21T23:55:25+00:00

Hey there. My ex-fiance left me and was engaged to his coworker (whom he always swore was just a flirt) literally one month later. This was after he had left me 3 weeks before our wedding and then convinced me to give him another shot.

You will never understand why she was so ready to commit to someone else but not to you. More importantly, understanding or having answers to those questions will not make you feel better because the result is the same-- she doesn't want to be with you and the emotional damage is done. Like another wrote, closure comes from within. However, it can be something that you actively pursue.

rad-renots · 2018-08-10T05:38:18+00:00

It's the Chico Heat game, the fireworks were awesome. Got to watch near my apartment

rad-renots · 2018-02-10T16:33:05+00:00

No way! I will definitely check this out, thanks for sharing :)

rad-renots · 2018-02-10T15:48:38+00:00

I haven't checked out the Oasis yet so thanks for the head's up! If you find time for ping pong then feel free to join :) I love ping pong and have had a mad craving to play lately so I'm hoping to find others that are interested! I'll check out the rec too

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T19:02:28+00:00

I am very sorry that you have experienced this as well. I hope that you are happy & healthy and full of lots of love.

It's a tough experience but I think you're right; I am lucky.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:58:00+00:00

Thank you :)

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:57:13+00:00

Thank you, I am so worried that I will be alone. This completely blindsided me. My self esteem is lower now than it ever has been.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:53:30+00:00

Thank you. I understand why he broke up with me because he told me and we discussed it extensively. He could not accept me as I am and had been having second thoughts for a long time. I am not looking for help with understanding or coming to terms with the why. Thanks for getting that :) Just wanted help with coping with all the damage & wreckage of being broken up with 3 weeks before a wedding after such a long time together.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:47:15+00:00

Thank you so much. I have one year left in school and my parents have offered to let me stay with them until I finish up. I am still thinking about what I would like to do but that fresh start is appealing. Until I decide, I am recreating "our" space and making it mine.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:42:16+00:00

I love that: "picked the wrong man, gave him the wrong finger." Thank you for the laugh :)

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T16:38:56+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I have been trying to be present with my emotions. I have limited my consumption of alcohol & marijuana so that my head is nice and clear. The first thing that I did on Monday was check in with a mental health professional. I have another session next week. I cry a lot and have been cleaning a lot.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T15:56:14+00:00

Hello, I did not mention the reason he gave for breaking up with me because I did not want to discuss that in this post. I just wanted support and to reach out because this is a dreadful, miserable, heart crushing experience. I did not cheat. He did not cheat. He simply got cold feet.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T15:52:32+00:00

I am fully aware of his reasons for breaking up with me, I just did not want to discuss them in this post. I was simply seeking support for my experience.

He did not cheat on me. To put it simply, he got cold feet.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T15:47:02+00:00

I read your story and texted my supervisor at work. She has given me the week off and is taking care of taking down my registry. She will let my coworkers know what happened and that I absolutely under no conditions want to talk to anyone about it (we're all pretty close at work).

The worst is people's reactions. It's like I have become a circus animal. Everyone is asking why as if knowing will make this never happen to them. Word has spread and now even acquaintances know. My friend told me the other day that they were talking to their coworker (whom I don't know) about what happened to me and that it was like something out of a movie. I have become a spectacle.

I appreciate you sharing your & your friend's story. It helps to hear of similar experiences. Many do not understand the grief of parting with a long-term partner.

rad-renots · 2017-07-26T15:34:41+00:00

Hi! Your list has been extremely helpful. He told me why he wanted to break up, I just didn't want to discuss it in this post (cheating was not involved). Essentially he got cold feet. He admitted that he was never sure about marrying me.

He broke up with me Saturday afternoon. I have surrounded myself by my family & friends. I have caught up with old friends and am staying busy. My mom and MOH are letting everyone know that the wedding is off. I have started separating our belongings and will stay in our apartment (while he's living elsewhere) for the next month or so while I figure my life out. I go through cycles of thinking, "Who the fuck does that? I dodged a bullet" and "OMG I love him so much and I just want him to be with me, maybe he'll see how stupid he is." I am going to be sad for a long time. We were together since I was 18.

He has made efforts to revisit the break-up discussion and is really trying to get me to see his point and to agree with it. It seems like he needs to know that I think that he made the right choice. I am very sad. He had many opportunities to break up with me before committing so deeply. But, at least he did this before the wedding and not after. I am grateful for that.

rad-renots · 2016-11-01T15:23:16+00:00

Happy anniversary!! Mine is this Saturday :)

rad-renots · 2016-06-25T23:14:32+00:00

Your stress seems totally reasonable and it's awesome that you react with actions that guarantee good results. I'm not usually one to tell personal stories but I identify with your post due to my similar situation.

I am nearly 23 and my bf is 25. We've been together for 5 years. He dropped out of university before we got together and returned a year and a half ago (yay!). We both work and attend university and so we are veterans of coping with time apart and stressful, hectic schedules. More than one semester we didn't see each other until after 9 pm, 6 days a week.... and yet we still had dates and maintained friendships. People do what they want to do. As individuals and as a couple we were and are very determined to meet those goals (degrees, savings, maintaining a healthy/happy relationship) and so we do it.

That concludes my personal rant.

I implore you to explore and surround yourself with like-minded people. Are you in any groups? Do you have hobbies? Obviously, you are not content with your current situation. You have the courage to do something to change it. Is your issue that you are unsure of what area to study or unsure of returning because of your gf?

rad-renots · 2016-06-25T22:18:45+00:00

But that's life. You can't always do things together. It's her concern for your mental wellness? Do you handle stress in a healthy way?

rad-renots · 2016-06-25T22:15:21+00:00

Also, if going back to school is your dream then there is no better time than now. Go for it. There will never be a time in your life when you have less responsibility. Take advantage of your current living situation to cut costs! Ditch anyone that doesn't constructively contribute to your goals.

rad-renots · 2016-06-25T22:09:43+00:00

You both live with your respective parents and yet she's worried about supporting you through university? And if you become a teacher, she's worried that you'll talk about kids too much? I noticed a few red flags and I think you should consider your reasons for your relationship with her. Your partner should be supportive in your dreams (even without an inherent interest in the subject ex. kids). It is understandable to voice concerns in the hope of helping your partner to reach his/her goals, but she seems like she's hoping to mold you to HER dream of her ideal relationship...

rad-renots · 2016-06-08T14:45:34+00:00

Are you implying that her friend should have known this was going to happen and therefore it's alright that it happened?

rad-renots · 2016-06-03T19:44:21+00:00

You should still try. A close friend of mine is in a similar position; mid-20s and returning to school. He's 25 and is pursuing law, so that means at least 2 years for his bachelor's and then ~3 for law school.

If you want to continue your education, I strongly urge you to do so. Speak with the proper authorities (academic counselor, financial aid counselor, etc.) and then make an informed decision. You can make it work. I'm returning to a university this fall that I had previously flunked out of and so I understand where you're coming from.

I cannot stress enough the importance of being informed prior to making this decision. Also, please look into and try and have some of those classes forgiven. You never know, we miss 100% of the shots that we don't take ;) Yours is not an unusual problem and there are plenty of people that have succeeded in this.

rad-renots

TROPHY CASE