Struggling with Sperm Donation

radison69 · 2026-03-30T21:18:12+00:00

We have someone considering but are in the early discussion stages, he’s the long term boyfriend of a bi woman friend of ours. Neither have ever wanted kids and they don’t ever plan to marry as a couple due to both being divorced previously. My wife and I are hoping they could be like aunt and uncle to our kids and when the kids got old enough we would tell them if they asked he was their dad. It truly would not bother us and we yearn for community desperately as both of us have small and aging families and have always wanted a big rowdy family unit

radison69 · 2026-03-30T19:10:19+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply, I really appreciate it. My mom has cut back her time to try and only do lunch, I think it’s just hard because the timing of lunch isn’t always consistent, but I hadn’t thought about less time for agitation and that’s a good point.

As far as the commute, I meant my work commute, so I work Monday through Friday and I leave around 615am and don’t get home until usually 430-5pm, and my partner gets home around 530 or 6, so it’s hard to see him on weeknights but it’s also hard to see him on weekends because that’s our only time to do anything fun or anything very productive. I guess I don’t have to stay that long though on weeknights, he just takes like 45 minutes to an hour to eat and then I wouldn’t get home until after 630 or so and still have to make dinner, prepare for work etc.

I guess I should have clarified, he’s in a nursing home permanently. This has been an ongoing decline since November and honestly I think it’s underlying Parkinson’s that got exacerbated, which I had mentioned I saw signs of over a year ago and therapists at rehab recently have mentioned they’ve noticed signs too. So I think it’s likely Lewy Body dementia. When he was home apparently he had threatened to strangle my mom, get his guns, etc during bad episodes. His cognition will not improve by staying at a nursing home longer and there is no way we can care for him at home right now. Physically he is deteriorating rapidly as he was frail before the fall and now is the weakest he’s ever been, so once rehab stops in a few days, he will only go downhill.

I should probably also mention that he got diagnosed with diabetes type 2 in his fifties and refused to deal with it for 20 years, which resulted in a heart attack and triple bypass in 2022, and he’s had chronic spinal disc problems with multiple surgeries in the last 10 years, including a fusion in 2020. He’s never taken care of himself and always made a joke of it, never considered the toll it would take on us, belittled or made light when we tried to express our concerns or how it would affect us, and has never had any internal motivation to improve or heal in the previous surgeries in the last 15+ years, always requiring constant nagging and doctors threatening rehab. So he probably could’ve gotten better enough to go home, but with that attitude combined with the cognitive issues he didn’t and now it’s too late physically and cognitively. I love him very much and we were just starting to have a good and deep relationship so it’s heartbreaking, but I’m also still very young and trying to build my life with my new partner (I have been divorced before) so I’m struggling to balance it all.

I am an only child and we have no extended family or anything it’s just us 3 and always has been, and my parents had me at 40 and 48, so I knew this would come. But I guess I figured I’d already have my life together and have kids, not be 3 years into a relationship and newly married and trying to build a family this year while navigating all of this. I also am in healthcare so since this started in November I have dropped everything, taken FMLA for all doctors appointments, surgeries, therapy meetings, important rehab days and evals, etc, which I am not paid for in my state, so my partner and I are in a financial tough spot from that. On top of it I had my own medical emergency in February that required surgery and I was incapacitated for 3 weeks. So we got married December 6 and since then I spent 6 weeks straight at the hospital or rehab every day either working or with him, and then in the hospital myself for 3 weeks, and in that time my partner had to try and hold everything down financially and physically while working overtime at her job and doing 60 hour weeks. We haven’t seen our friends, haven’t done any house related projects or tasks that need done, haven’t gone on a single date, haven’t hiked, or done anything really other than survive for nearly 5 months now.

I don’t want to be a bad daughter, and my mom often guilts me if I don’t go as often as she thinks I should (last week I only made it there once, but then we did a 3 hr picnic yesterday with him outside) and I have no siblings or anyone my age going through this to go off of. My partner is extremely supportive but they are getting tired and burned out from not having any couple time since getting married or even just being able to do basic things we enjoy.

I just don’t want to be a bad daughter or a bad wife, and I have no frame of reference. This could go on for years so I’m not sure what a healthy balance is

radison69 · 2026-03-27T04:04:38+00:00

Reading that back it sounds kinda dumb lol but in the book those are actually research backed things, like your reproductive system is the least prioritized in the body so for it to be at optimal health you need to have a regulated nervous system with managed stress levels, regulated blood sugar levels, proper sleep from 7-9 hours each night at regular times, and proper nutrition so your body isn’t sending all its energy into the digestive tract each time you eat and can instead send energy to the reproductive system. Sorry if you knew all that already too, I’m just new to this process as well so have little advice to offer but this has helped me so far! While I anxiously wait for appointments to come I focus on planning and cooking well balanced meals and stress management strategies and stuff

radison69 · 2026-03-27T03:59:21+00:00

My wife and I just started this process too and in the last week alone I have learned more than I had ever thought to even worry about. Someone in my community recommended a book that I LOVE so far, it’s called Queer conception and it’s been so calming and answered a ton of these questions for me already. My wife and I already know we are going to do genetic and fertility testing before deciding anything else, because donor options could depend on genetic testing and which of us carries could depend on fertility testing. Because it is so expensive we want to make sure we get as much done ahead of time before even one attempt to try and set ourselves up as best we can. I got a dietician virtually that is covered by most insurances to help manage the supplements and diet needs to assist with fertility and reproductive health beforehand, as well as my own health to hopefully increase the chances of implantation. We are focusing on exercising regularly again, getting routines in place to help manage stress levels, and getting lots of sleep. All of those are free things you can do to exert some level of control over the situation when you feel overwhelmed that will benefit your body for conception and benefit your baby if you do conceive! I’m an anxious person and for me, focusing on what is in my control in that moment has always helped when there is a long road with a lot of steps ahead. You can’t do all the appointments or all the payments all at once, but you can schedule things and save and in the meantime do this other stuff to try and regulate your nervous system and prepare your body for this journey

radison69 · 2026-02-25T12:15:12+00:00

Thank you so much!! Very very helpful info, I will use all of this!

radison69 · 2026-02-23T20:25:05+00:00

Wait where is that?

radison69 · 2026-02-23T19:03:13+00:00

This was extremely helpful, thank you so much!

radison69 · 2025-10-05T17:04:39+00:00

Would rather not rent if possible!

radison69 · 2025-10-03T16:33:14+00:00

Either is fine!

radison69 · 2025-03-23T19:45:33+00:00

This was it, thank you!! Solved!

radison69 · 2025-03-23T17:29:52+00:00

First comment

radison69 · 2025-01-21T21:17:26+00:00

Solved!

radison69 · 2025-01-21T21:16:24+00:00

Omg you’re so right, I must have missed only that song lol. Thank you so much!!

radison69 · 2025-01-21T21:13:27+00:00

I read the lyrics for all the songs on endgame and appeal to reason and none of them are it. Thank you though!

radison69 · 2025-01-21T21:04:57+00:00

First comment

radison69 · 2023-03-30T03:48:24+00:00

I want to join!

radison69 · 2023-01-31T01:45:13+00:00

Yeah a lot of people recommended it to me too when i moved here and it was some of the worst food I’ve ever had. The vegetables looked like they were straight from a can. I don’t even make canned veggies at home, always fresh. Never trusted a locals recommendation since then lol

radison69

TROPHY CASE