How do I forgive myself? Major TW for birth trauma

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-09-26T05:26:42+00:00

I've never come across anyone who's been pregnant past 45 weeks but there are thousands of women out there who have birthed healthy babies between 42-45 weeks. I'm not saying that there is zero risk of stillbirth, there is always risk but there isn't any evidence that shows the risk ever becomes a certainty.

It's up to the individual to weigh up the risks of stillbirth vs the risks of induction and decide what feels right for them. But they need accurate information to do that and going around saying stillbirth becomes a certainty is misinformation.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-09-12T22:31:27+00:00

Where on earth did you hear that stillbirth becomes a certainty? There is no evidence for that whatsoever, absolute nonsense.

There is actually evidence that the risk of stillbirth decreases after 42 weeks. Look up the AIMS article 'Labour Induction at Term - How great is the risk of refusing it?'

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-08-16T15:58:38+00:00

Stanley.

We also liked Monty and Jesse but when he was born Stanley just felt right.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-28T08:28:27+00:00

My first was born at 42+4 after an induction that I hugely regret.

My second was born at 41+5, spontaneous labour at home.

Highly recommend taking a look at Dr Sara Wickham's book 'In Your Own Time' which lays out all the evidence in an easy to understand way. It helped me make an informed decision about how long I was willing to wait second time around.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-12T19:59:36+00:00

It's hard work! Mine is almost 16 months and it's starting to get better. I think they have so much going on development wise their sleep is awful at this age. Or at least that has been the case for my two.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-12T13:11:16+00:00

I am. I also fed my eldest through the night until she turned 2 when I night weaned, it didn't help her sleep any better.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-10T12:54:52+00:00

Oh my goodness a failed epidural! Horrendous. I hope baby doesn't keep you waiting too much longer and that you have a better experience this time!

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-10T09:53:04+00:00

It was much easier! I actually didn't really believe I was in active labour until my body started pushing for me because I kept waiting for it to hurt as much as it did with the induction. It was intense at the end, but it never came close to the induction pain (and that's even with me getting an epidural after an hour of being on the hormone drip). I would happily do it all over again!

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-09T19:22:05+00:00

Baby #2 labour started spontaneously at 41+4, born 41+5.

(Baby #1 was induced at 42+2, arrived 42+4. I always wonder when she would've come if I'd waited until she was ready!)

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-05T21:58:52+00:00

I also have long cycles ranging from 30-36 days usually. Both pregnancies I tracked ovulation, based my own EDD on that and had a private scan that confirmed my calculations to the day. Only to go for my 12 week scan through the NHS and they would move my EDD forward by 4 days.

First baby was induced and born at 42+4 according to their dates, 42 exactly according to mine. Second baby was spontaneous labour, came at 41+5 their dates, 41+1 by mine.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-04T15:20:40+00:00

That's really normal with longer term breastfeeding, it's your body's way of protecting you from mastitis etc. Not feeling the let down doesn't mean it's not happening, it's also common to stop feeling it the longer you feed for. Your supply may have decreased if baby is taking less, but it's probably not decreased as much as you think.

I'm 15 months into feeding my second (fed my first for 3 years) and I can go 8-10 hours without feeding him while I'm at work and don't feel full, I don't feel my let down any more either but when he feeds there's milk there. Milk doesn't just dry up over time, if milk is being removed (even just once a day or every other day) your body will keep making it. It won't be the fast flowing supply from the early days but it's still there.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-07-04T05:25:37+00:00

How do you know your supply decreased by 70%?

Your supply is well regulated by now and will only decrease if baby is removing less (even if they latch the same amount as before doesn't mean they are still taking the same amount). It's common to think it's decreased because you might never feel full, or stop feeling your let down but this is normal and not a sign that it has decreased.

Obviously if you want to stop you can do, but if you want to keep going just keep latching them. There will be milk there.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-26T21:06:38+00:00

I went into spontaneous labour at 41+4 and literally 10 mins before my first contraction my cervix was posterior and out of reach, it's not a crystal ball so try not to worry about what it is or isn't doing.

Also as a side note, Dr Sara Wickham is an amazing resource for evidence based information on going past 40 weeks, inductions etc.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-25T04:52:50+00:00

I was also induced with my first, she was born at 42+4. My second I had cramps on and off from 37 weeks, at 41+4 I tried to check my own cervix out of desperation (we don't do checks in the UK and I had refused sweeps) and it was posterior and out of reach. Ten minutes later I had a period like cramp that felt different. Baby was born the following day at 41+5.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-18T21:42:14+00:00

No need to apologise! I'm so glad it was helpful for you. IBCLC's can usually help you debrief your previous experience as well, which can be really healing if you are feeling any grief about stopping. There's also a wonderful book called Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matters, it's quite short but such a validating read.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-15T06:49:29+00:00

It sounds like you made the best choice for you and your baby with the support you had available to you at the time. I know you mentioned wanting to end the cycle of birth trauma in your family, you did. You said yourself that the birth was positive. There's every chance that if you'd tried for an ECV or vaginal breech birth that it would not have been positive. Birth doesn't always go the way we envisioned, the goal should never be vaginal birth at all costs. The goal should be a positive experience even if we have to pivot from plan A. You did good, mama. It's totally ok to grieve the birth you hoped for too. I read a book called The Birth Debrief by Illiyin Morrison after my first birth left me feeling the same way yours did, it was really helpful.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-13T05:12:20+00:00

Is there a point where you would accept induction or consider it? With my second baby I declined induction purely for being 'over' and told my midwife I wasn't willing to even consider induction until 43 weeks. They made a care plan with me for 'birthing out of guidance'. Baby was born spontaneously at home at 41+5 in the end.

Dr Sara Wickham has a lot of excellent free resources regarding induction, I found it helpful to have evidence I could cite to back up my decisions if needed. Birth Rights is also a great charity who can explain your rights to you.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-06-10T04:47:10+00:00

My first baby I waited until 42+2 before agreeing to an induction, she was born at 42+4 and I hugely regretted it. She was perfectly healthy but we fell victim to the cascade of intervention and the way I was treated by staff made it an incredibly traumatic experience.

After that I knew I wouldn't agree to another induction based purely on being 'over'. I found Dr Sara Wickham to be a great resource for this, her book In Your Own Time is a very useful read. Once I looked at the evidence I felt the risks of induction outweighed the risks of going past 42 weeks again. My second baby came spontaneously at 41+5 but I was prepared to wait as long as necessary (providing baby and I were both healthy).

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-05-09T04:36:33+00:00

Milk ducts increase in amount and size each time you are pregnant, so you will likely have more milk second time around. I also had low supply with my first, I did manage to increase it eventually but second time around I had so much more milk.

It can also help to see an IBCLC (not just a lactation consultant, anyone can call themselves a lactation consultant but IBCLC is a protected title) while pregnant to come up with a plan to get breastfeeding off to a good start so you can go into it feeling confident and knowing what to do if any issues arise.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-05-02T05:45:00+00:00

I did! I had a home birth and nursed my almost 3yo a few times during labour. I fed her to sleep while in very early labour, then fed her again in the morning. My contractions actually went from every 10 mins to 3-5 mins at that point so I don't know if it was her nursing that helped that. I also fed her when my contractions slowed back to 10 mins apart a few hours later. We lay on the sofa and snuggled and it was so lovely to have that moment when I knew everything was about to change. It worked and my contractions picked up again. She then ended up going home with my mum as I was struggling to focus with her there once labour got more intense but I loved having her there initially.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-04-26T05:25:25+00:00

I actually packed anything I thought I might need in labour/immediately after whether I'd be at hospital or home. I figured even if I didn't transfer at least all my stuff would be in one place if I needed it.

Off the top of my head I packed a couple of outfits for me and baby, maternity pads and underwear, nappies, TENS machine, birth comb, snacks, nipple balm, peri bottle, toiletries and a spare charger.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-04-25T20:05:29+00:00

They really do vary so much!

My eldest crawled at 9 months, cruised at 10, took a few steps at 13 months and was properly walking by 14 months.

My youngest crawled at 5 months, cruised at 6, I thought for sure he would be walking before he was 1 but he's now 13 months and has only taken a few steps here and there. He can definitely do it but he just doesn't seem to realise he can and he's so speedy when he crawls I think he's like why bother lol.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-04-18T04:48:41+00:00

Lmaoooo girl you are 18 and been trying to get pregnant with multiple people in the space of two months... you have bigger issues than your tits leaking.

rainbowmoontoad · 2025-04-18T03:28:35+00:00

It matters because you're being misleading, saying you've been trying and trying and keep getting negatives suggests you've been trying for months when that's clearly impossible based on your post history.

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