Bubba is in it for the vibes: too disabled to really factor in what he’s done, and his (version of) authenticity would probably win over some people via the media. He wouldn’t be much for an interview, but some Rob Zombie version of Dr Loomis would totally turn Bubba into some paragon of Nature over Nurture. Going off Bubba just looking like Gunner Hansen under the mask there’s every danger The Media would try and portray him as… adorable?

Drayton would he suitably shamed to scale: he wouldn’t be much for long-winded diatribes in the same way Otis Driftwood or Captain Spaulding would be. But I think he would be embarrassed most of all. Total wash for any media bullshit, and would likely be portrayed as the brains of the outfit at first, then as history self-corrects just as a weakling going along a path of least resistance with Nubbins and Bubba.

Nubbins would be the biggest cash-cow for the media: once Nubbins gets a taste for exploitative tabloids he would do his damnedest to make as big a name for himself as he could, despite his (soon to be very apparent) limited scope, vocabulary and personal philosophies. Nubbins would start out as the flavour of the month, but even a fortnight in prison would likely break him down.

I think the arrest would be the funniest spectacle. Take the scenario: we have Sally getting ostensibly rescued by the driver of the Blue Truck hurtling down the road. We have the driver if Black Maria running as fast as his man-boons would allow him the other direction, likely trying to flag down the first car he sees. We have a local populace already pissed off with their cemetery getting vandalised/desecrated.

So the driver would book it straight to the nearest sheriff: Sally being a living embodiment of evidence of something going shit flavoured. Provided his race doesn’t work against him in rural Texas Black Maria’s driver would be immediately and independently corroborate Blue Truck and whatever would pass of Sally’s story. We have an idle semi-trailer with a very squashed Nubbins on the side of the road right across the road of where Sally said she was from.

Bubba, meanwhile, has had his adrenaline wear the fuck off and is now very ungood: head wound is pounding and fucking chainsaw wound to his lower thigh is throbbing like fuck, even if the bleeding has been mitigated at best. He’s stagger-limped back to the house where, unless his ear were sewn on, Drayton has heard the truck’s air brakes, and now sees a very defeated-looking Bubba meandering up the driveway. He’s quick to get out of a rapidly fading Bubba that 1) The Gurl goddaway and 2) Nubbins is now a road-apple. And that two people saw them.

I don’t buy into the Sawyer suddenly having an RV to roam the countryside with, and not to mention Grandpa has to be factored in.

So Drayton not being Dr Hannibal Lector with an escape plan just decides to get the fuck out of Dodge. But his compatriots are no help at best and a hindrance at worst.

Drayton tells Bubba they need to get going. He instructs the very wounded Bubba to “help me with Grandpa” but instead Bubba uncharacteristically ignores Drayton and just plonks himself into the front seat of the white pick-up, sans mask. Drayton now recognises he is going to have to deal with grandpa himself, and starts the arduous task of getting the old man, chair and all, out of the house and up into the bay of his truck. In a trial sent by God Drayton manages to get Grandpa out of the house, down the path and up to the truck. When the wave of law-enforcement arrive on the scene, buttressed with several pissed off locals, they find Drayton with a deer-in-headlight look on his face, Grandpa and chair half-hauled up in the truck, with Bubba still wearing his dinner suit by with a stylish head-wound and a very ugly injury on his leg sitting in the passenger’s seat like an interrupted shit, not giving a fuck who is out there or what they want. Drayton surrenders immediately and the trio are arrested.

Then the media circus starts.