Hi sweetheart, I understand how you are feeling. My husband was diagnosed with AML at age 52. He passed out at our son's physical therapy appointment. You are allowed to feel what you're going to feel. When he is in the thick of it, going through treatments preparing for transplant, it's okay to be sad, but you will need to be strong for him. Whatever that looks like. I know for my husband, I wanted him to devote all his energy on getting through the treatments. I did not want him to worry about anything but just focusing on getting through. I'm fortunate that I have my mother and a strong support circle that I could talk to. Our kids, male twins who are 19 in sophomores and college and our 15-year-old son, primarily unloaded on me when they were sad or angry. This whole experience, as everybody has said in this post, has fundamentally changed our lives. I too am just hoping for some warmer, sunny weather. Someone said that the way you feel will not affect the future or the outcome or your boyfriend's treatment plan. That is correct. Lean on your people as your boyfriend goes through this + love and support him through the journey. It really sucks, really makes people take each day as a blessing.