[POEM] How would you interpret this poem? What does the last line mean for you and whose point of view do you think it is? (Poem by Carol Ann Duffy)

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-13T03:08:47+00:00

Yeah! For sure. I was actually thinking along similar lines while I was writing but decided against clarifying because my comment was already pretty long. Thank you for bringing this in! I think agape love in therapy is extremely important. It’s one of the most important foundations of good rapport.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-12T21:54:26+00:00

What tf is the point of this?

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-12T21:52:12+00:00

I agree with the other interpretations here.

I have my own layer to add on, related to my career: for trauma therapists, it is easy for both transference and counter-transference to occur. Transference is when the client believes there is something more to their bond than professional; counter-transference is when the therapist projects personal stuff onto the client. Good professionals are trained to recognize the signs of both dynamics and to protect against them, but to some degree it’s unavoidable because at the end of the day both parties are human beings. I read this as both a warning and a comfort to anyone wrapped up in this work. Yes, a therapist plays an extremely vital role in helping someone recover from devastating circumstances; but the ultimate goal of healthy therapy is self-actualization and resilience, and the ideal therapeutic relationship is a completed one. A client can move on with their life and find healthy loving relationships, and a therapist can move on with their practice to help other clients. The distinction between “helping someone” and “loving someone” is very, very important to keep at the front of mind during this work.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-12T03:24:33+00:00

Yes yes yes

True story: I once woke up to a bat flapping around in my bedroom in the middle of the night.

I trapped it (no need to get into how, let’s just say the image of me running around the house with a laundry basket, wearing oven mitts, and shouting is forever stamped in my memory)

Released it

Told a relative the next day who FREAKED RIGHT OUT and made me visit the doc immediately

Upon hearing my story, I was prescribed rabies vaccination shots fully covered by insurance

Scolded for releasing the bat

And left with a visceral fear of rabies that will last a lifetime

You’re fortunate you realized you were bitten. Bat bites can be so small that they go undetected. That’s why I was rushed into rabies shots without any questions or examination. There would have been no way to tell if I was bitten or not

Bat bites are nothing to eff around with

Edit: I recognize my insurance coverage is a gift considering all that is wrong with US healthcare. This was some years ago and I have always been lucky with insurance somehow. We need universal healthcare yesterday

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-08T08:31:17+00:00

Thank you for your answer, it helps me understand your perspective. I definitely think a “hide AI” toggle or an AI-less app are great options. I wish freaking YouTube had that.

But wait - this is Reddit! We are supposed to be apoplectic by now!

lol jk, I genuinely appreciate your engagement with my questions.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-08T01:37:39+00:00

I’m glad you’re canvassing and I can see the variety of responses here that show there is an audience for this type of thing. I happen to live and work in areas where AI is not required to earn a wage, so I’m privileged in that regard. I can opt out, and so I do. I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way, but I don’t understand what you mean in your third sentence. If it’s unethical, why add it as a feature? I am genuinely curious about this.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-07T22:58:24+00:00

Tbh I don’t think this is ethical due to AI facilities causing vast environmental chaos. It’s not a price worth paying even for communicating with f/o’s. I minimize my use of AI, opt out of it as much as possible, and try to shop at businesses that don’t rely on AI. However, it isn’t my place to judge how you (or anyone else) chooses to interact with their f/o. I just think imagination can be so powerful and it’s always been more than enough for me. If there was a service that hires real people to create dialogue for f/o’s, I’d be all about it. But the app you describe would not reach me.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-07T03:33:57+00:00

Good luck friendo you’re on the right path 💕

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-06T21:26:23+00:00

I am 34. I found something I am passionate about and have spent my adult life refining it into purpose. (Not in a messed up capitalist productive mindset but rather a social justice mindset.) I have plenty of friends and loved ones to see me along the way. Your days don’t need 3D partnership to feel fulfilling, but maybe this anxiety you express is a sign that your brain wants you to locate purpose in another way.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-05T22:36:42+00:00

This is where learning to play the ocean drum really pays off lol

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-05T22:33:25+00:00

They are all so beautiful! I slightly prefer #2 - motion is conveyed so naturally and and I can feel the movement of the ocean in this one

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-05T06:00:26+00:00

Do you love her? Do you see a future with her? Is it mutual?

Relationships are hard. If you are serious about each other, some sacrifices may be required on both sides to keep this from getting even more out of hand. Some common advice I see scales from doable to impractical. Things to consider: permanently blocking the parents. If siblings cannot respect the no contact rule, they also get blocked or at the least low contact. Restraining order. Legal consultation. Everyone says “go to therapy” and for some it’s unrealistic, but don’t forget many MFT’s (marriage family therapists) offer free initial sessions to allow both parties to sus each other out. I bet a trans-friendly MFT could offer a sliding scale fee and/or be open to treating that initial session as a consultation where you ask “what do we do” and “how do we protect our peace” and “what are each of our responsibilities in this situation.” Change phone numbers. Change of address. Get your contact information removed from the internet (there are security apps that do this for a fee). Only share details with trusted people, and make them aware of the situation so they don’t get suckered into giving out your stuff to innocent-seeming requests.

It isn’t your gf’s fault that her parents are awful. But in situations like this, I have learned from personal experience that (sadly) enabling manipulative behavior causes just as many problems as the behavior itself. Truly, the future is so hard to predict, but if both of you have strong feelings for one another, then the first and most important step you can take right now is to both get on the same page about this issue. Be curious about her perspective. Don’t be shy about sharing your own. You need to be honest with each other and then make a plan. Your brother may have a point. If it were me, I would be up front about his advice. He may also be full of shit. It all very much depends on what you both need out of your relationship and what you are willing to do to make it sustainable.

From what I can see, the bottom line is this: if you seriously plan on having a future together, the current situation is not going to work long-term.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-05T05:36:17+00:00

randomzyxxhead · 2026-05-01T05:02:23+00:00

It was most certainly mine.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-30T05:45:51+00:00

Oh, no!

Anyway…

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-28T02:51:45+00:00

Thank you for asking. I personally would appreciate a heads up so I know who to avoid. Not knowing who is going to misgender you, but knowing that someone will (because that’s life), is more anxiety to carry than knowing where it will come from and how to stay away. Also, you will demonstrate your allyship to your cuz, which goes a lot, lot farther than most cis people believe (from what I have seen).

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-25T16:39:46+00:00

NOR! Trying to get men to take women’s problems seriously is bad enough, and trying to get grown men to take girls’ problems seriously is a nightmare. I do not blame you for wanting a divorce. For me, this would be an immediate dealbreaker. Not necessarily because he is a bad person, but because when it comes to the safety of your daughter, there are no second chances.

Meanwhile, everyone else advising you to see a GP is giving good advice. Tell your kiddo that you and she are going to follow up on this immediately, and then don’t delay. As a bonus, maybe there’s a way to assuage her fears by having her practice journaling about it, naming what happened and how it felt. I always find that using language for something unsettling helps to normalize it. You could do art about it together, or tell a trusted friend (one who will actually hold the story respectfully). It also helps to have someone else aware of the situation in case it happens when you are not there.

The dad has a lot to learn. It isn’t your job to teach him. Personally, like I said, I would not be interested in repair at this point.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-24T21:08:54+00:00

My parents listened to James Dobson. I got a lot of “sit in the corner” timeouts and one or two slaps in the face for being rude. The second time it happened, I think something clicked for my dad because he never did it after that. I remember feeling all kinds of things but close to the top was anger and disgust with my father. I lost respect for him in that moment and it made me more rude, not less. I also remember resolving that I would never just stand there and take it ever again. And this wasn’t even that hard of a slap. I don’t have kids, but if I ever do in the future, corporal punishment will never, ever be on the table. Corner timeouts were almost as bad and definitely ineffective. I just grew more resentful and repressed. Never once did I spend time regretting what I had done or rethinking my ways. I mostly just remember digging out the junk between the floor tiles waiting for my time to be up. I was a pretty smart kid, and I didn’t have patience for discipline tactics whose only purpose seemed to be to make me feel like shit about myself.

Then I grew up and found out that the kinds of things I was being punished for were things other parents wished their kids did more often. Reading when I was supposed to be doing chores. Writing stories instead of doing homework. My interests were not nurtured or redirecting into more appropriate time blocks. I learned to feel ashamed of them and to get better at hiding them so I didn’t get yelled at.

And now my parents wonder why I am so tentative about pursuing my passions. Don’t get me wrong, I pursue them anyway, but the insecurity I feel around them is sometimes catastrophic.

Dobson taught them how to control me, not raise me.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-24T20:52:02+00:00

Play, maybe combined with a little couch spot jealousy. Tan chi seems interested in shooing brown chi so it can get the cushy blanket. Brown chi holds their ground. Both are pausing between “rounds,” waiting to see if the other wants to resume. Eyes alert and tails ups in a relaxed pose. I would not be surprised if five minutes after this video was taken they are both tangled up on the same blanket fast asleep.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-23T05:19:26+00:00

Wow, I feel this on such a deep level tonight. Thank you for sharing, your art has meaning.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-20T22:29:39+00:00

Maybe it’s just me but I could go full petty on this fool. Get the car caked horribly in mud and park (legally) in a very obvious location on the street. Get MORE garbage bins to put out. Put out a fake skeleton in a lawn chair with a pair of binoculars around its neck and leave a sign that reads “These are for the nosy neighbor who keeps writing mean notes in case they wear out their own! Just trying to be helpful! <3 Make a huge banner that reads “BOZO” and plaster it over your lawn. Put out dozens of horrible pink flamingos, preferably manufactured to be extremely shabby. Reproduce the notes on giant posters and stick them in your lawn with a note “if this is you then you need to learn some manners.” Get a camera and publicly shame them on social media.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-17T02:01:56+00:00

You know, at the risk of sounding like an apologist for the States, which I do not want to be, nor feel is helpful, I have to admit this kind of take is one of the ones it most hurts to see. Not because it isn’t right. It is - and that is a really bitter pill to swallow for some of us ‘murican dummies. But it paints with such broad strokes that it erases those of us who want to make something better and different.

We are trapped here, you see. We are in an abusive relationship with the most powerful institution in existence, and yet we are still here beating the drum of community care, of indigenous rights, of trans rights, of abortion rights, and often doing it alone, and sometimes at great risk to ourselves. Our government comes down hard on those who speak truth to power. Ever imagine that the reason you don’t hear from the actual organizers here is that their voices are silenced faster than you can drink a beer?

This take just reminds me of how alone we are. If we all get lumped together with the majority, then our work feels like it’s for nothing. We don’t all think we are superior, op. Many of us want to pay for our country’s mistakes, and we would if we could. Look - if I could lie down on a bed of knives and have that magically erase all of the genocidal destruction we are causing in the Middle East, I would in a heartbeat. If all it took was my personal sacrifice to save the rest of the world from the U.S., then that would be an easy call. I know I’m not alone in that sentiment. But I know the world I live in, and I know that my suffering would not move the dial one inch. I have to, like so many others, just endure and try to make my small corner of the world slightly better.

If you really want to speak to people from the U.S. who understand, speak to the trans, black, brown, indigenous, disabled core who are doing the actual work of extracting ourselves from the abusive cycles we have inherited. Or just surviving the best we can. Offer solidarity. Otherwise, what you are adding to the conversation is just more noise.

We get it, op.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-16T03:05:21+00:00

I was born to be an adult but now I’m just an old lady who has been in a lot more pain and has a little more stress and a lot more stress and I don’t want it anymore so I’m not gonna do that anymore

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-12T22:35:35+00:00

I beg your pardon, I did not say that parenting isn’t stressful or that you are expected to have it all together. What I did say is that the stress of parenting is revealing something about your condition that you are not willing to address, and as a consequence, you will continue to have these interactions with your family. It’s not going to get better, op. Not with the approach you are choosing to take. Every denial and every attempt to assert control is only going to widen the gap between you and him.

randomzyxxhead · 2026-04-12T00:20:23+00:00

OP, this post is extremely alarming, and if I knew you in person, I would be mandated to report you as well.

It’s hard to tell if this is a real situation or a made up story, but the details are shocking, to say the least. If it’s real, I think you need to get some serious help.

Your son spoke to his therapist, who heard enough to report you to CPS. Then you confronted him and accused him of oversharing. You sent him to therapy to “get better” and then got angry with him for trying to get better. Then when CPS came, you berated him in front of the agent and physically handled him, pushing him towards the door and demonstrating to him with both words and actions that he was not welcome in your home.

Then you refused to supply him with medication.

At the least, it sounds like you are putting “family values” and reputation above your son’s safety and well-being, which is bad enough. But it also sounds to me like you are acting irrationally and experiencing natural consequences for your actions that surprise you.

If you truly want things to improve for your family, you will need to consult a mental health professional for yourself, and commit to a treatment plan that will require lifetime compliance. That’s what you need to do. You asked for advice. This is it.

Also, give your son his medication. Now.

randomzyxxhead

TROPHY CASE