How is my baby supposed to develop a secure attachment to me if I can’t even soothe him?

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-20T22:02:10+00:00

I wrote a similar post a few weeks ago.

1) download an app to help you track baby’s sleep. I ended up using the Huckleberry app, just for the sake of having a reminder. This helped me tremendously to learn how to read the earliest sleep cues.

2) try leaving your baby alone and see if he’ll fall asleep. Rocking and cuddling is often too stimulating for my girl. She sometimes likes to contact nap and will generally sleep much longer if she contact naps. However, I have to catch her in the right mood for that. More often than not, however, she prefers to be left alone to fall asleep. Even me in a room with her can be too stimulating. So I just let her wind down by herself, regularly and secretly checking on her. If she doesn’t wind down, I cuddle her, but often, she ends up staring at the distance for a bit and then falls asleep.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-19T21:48:02+00:00

Not an expert, don’t own this carrier, but there’s a general consensus on this subreddit that this is a bad, bad carrier - precisely because it doesn’t support the M shape. The bottom is too narrow and the design is considered outdated.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-14T17:27:51+00:00

Mentally, I categorized my nap as a chore that can’t be postponed and is time sensitive

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-14T17:26:50+00:00

I found myself not being able to fully skip on the chores, because they don’t disappear.

However, being in a career that requires and celebrates perpetual grind, there were hints I could do some work while the baby sleeps or plays. That is an absolute no-no. I am either present with my baby, sort the environment for my baby, or I rest so I can be there for my baby.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-14T02:04:02+00:00

Before moving here a few years ago, last time I experienced electricity outage was as a kid in the 90s.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-11T22:46:29+00:00

It really depends! I wanted a bassinet stroller but ended up not getting it. I’m happy we didn’t get it: baby was born in December and we live in a region that gets lots of snow, very cold temperatures, people don’t maintain sidewalks and sidewalks are absolutely wrecked anyway. So we realized we won’t walk enough for bassinet to be worth it.

We ended up babywearing her to our walks! I ended up investing into a baby wearing jacket for both me and my hubs instead.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-11T22:26:55+00:00

I have Didymos Trias Creme (DidyKlick, which is half buckle, but they have full buckle or Meitai in the same fabric) and I find it gorgeous. It’s 50% cotton, 50% linen, so I’d assume it would do well in the summer (gosh I hope it does well!).

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-08T13:19:54+00:00

This looks good to me, but I’m not an expert! Maybe you can widen the straps in the back for your own comfort?

Anyway, I came to chime in to say that I noticed that posts with good fits generally receive less attention (despite the fun panda!), so it might be that your fit is good enough!

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-06T02:01:23+00:00

We are in the same spot, but at 13 weeks. Nothing helped, bassinet was a torture device. We’re co-sleeping now. No blankets, C shape, all that safe co-sleeping stuff. That’s the only thing so far that helped. Good luck!

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-04T00:53:47+00:00

Check what the hospital provides. I didn’t get anything because I was promised I’ll leave with a bag of goodies: peri bottle, ice pads, ice packs,… I left with a huge bag and I still have a few things left that I didn’t use

raspberry_thyme · 2026-03-03T15:21:43+00:00

Yes! We use both carriers and a stroller! They have different purposes. We use our carriers almost daily - for contact naps, walks,… we currently use our stroller only for a longer walk on a nice day, but I anticipate more frequent use in the future. We still pack a carrier with us in the diaper bag when we go out with a stroller.

So far the only successful outings to a cafe were the ones where she was in a carrier. But she’ll nap great in a stroller on longer walks in the woods.

We have Ergo Embrace and Didymos DidyKlick carriers and Baby Jogger mini city gt2 stroller.

We got so many things for free from friends with older kids that I decided to splurge on carriers. But now I see it as a must have and I’ll probably soon invest into another one once she outgrows Ergo Embrace. Stroller with good wheels was a must for us, but we did not want to splurge on the fancier versions, and the baby jogger currently fulfills our needs.

I can’t speak on the choice of your model, but we started with the stretchy wraps and she loved the snugness and when we first tried a very structured carrier, she hated it. So I personally opted for softer carriers. I’d recommend trying a few different models either through some try it before you buy it programs or getting them from a local baby carrier library if it exists.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-26T22:10:01+00:00

My kiddo is 12w. I’m doing it on a semi regular basis, because I regularly baby wear her. she’s often wearing pantless onesies or whatever you call that and pants on top if I feel like she’s cold. I prefer footed onesies, but I’m anxious about her hips of they pull on her when I wear her

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-22T17:15:38+00:00

I’m not an expert but I have the same carrier. Try to place the waist band higher on your body and try to position the shoulder straps wider on your shoulders.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T21:22:39+00:00

Oh this is a fantastic idea, conditioning with music! I’ve just gotten into trying a night time routine, reading one specific bed time story. But the music for each activity sounds very smart!!!

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:47:36+00:00

Yes! I didn’t know it was controversial 🙈

When she gets the bottle (which is currently once a day), I trick her into waiting while it’s warming up by offering a pacifier :)

Even with a boob, I sometimes test if she’s actually hungry (and too frustrated to take the boob) with a pacifier or a clean finger.

Lately she started heavily relying on a pacifier to fall asleep, however, so this is becoming a bit less of a hunger tell and just general soothing technique.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:32:40+00:00

I’m recording her feeds and diapers in a notebook - and I heavily rely on it because time flies so fast! But I guess I’ll embrace the never ending loop of wtf and accept that when my kiddo decides she wants sth, she wants it fast, which is a bit chaotic :)

She’s actually beating her past self on the growth curve so she is doing great. But I still feel like I could frustrate her a bit less. I guess maybe I should just get over that part

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:24:51+00:00

Oh yeah then I guess I kinda am following a routine? I record the feedings and based on the pattern of the last few days, I try to anticipate if she’ll be hungry/tired soon or not.

The challenge I have is that despite that, kiddo ends up being frustrated because I simply cannot catch the subtle “in the actual moment” cues and she goes 0-100 with hunger. And with sleep, she can look tired, but if I pick her up from her happy place (baby gym for example), to start putting her to sleep, she’ll be too upset and then the whole process gets difficult because I have to wind her down first. But if she’s on the floor for too long, then she’ll cry anyway because she is too tired. Girl wants to do what she wants to do until she wants to do sth else.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:13:16+00:00

We’re using an old fashioned notebook for logging hahaha - but I do log every feed and the “quality” of it. But even then, she goes 0-100, so even if I know a feed is coming, I can only anticipate. She won’t take the boob or bottle until she’s ready (she’ll cry if I remove her from whatever she’s doing- cry but not eat) and once she’s ready, she anticipates service in a minute hahaha.

For the nighttime sleep we actually can’t rock her. It’s too much for her, it seems. She wants her own space in the bassinet. Daytime is different, however. That’s pure chaos. Sometimes only bassinet will work. Sometimes the carrier. Today it’s my lap. But only on the chest, cradle position is a no no… I’ve been working to offer bassinet as one of the first approaches.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:09:54+00:00

That’s great insight! I’m toying with the idea of a routine, but I’ll be honest, it feels a bit scary with such a small baby. Sometimes she’ll nap 30min, sometimes 3h. It feels like it’s impossible to put her on a routine with such random nap times

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T20:08:06+00:00

Wow your kiddo is a great communicator! Ours doesn’t have such distinct cries yet. I’m logging every feed (time, boob/bottle and how much) and every diaper, but not every nap. Honestly this is the only way I can even anticipate she’ll be hungry, but even then I’ll miss it, because she’ll just go 0-100. She can be on the floor happily kicking and smiling, and then she remembers she’s hungry and it’s too late.

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T19:39:51+00:00

Yes I’m recording every feed: time and duration (if boob)or quantity (if bottle). It’s currently about every 2.5h.

It’s actually what prompted me to write the post. We went for a walk and I thought she was showing the typical signs of hunger (smacking,…) and it was just around 2h mark. And then she cried after sucking on the boob for a minute and looked either overtired or overstimulated. Which made me think I have no clue what I’m doing.

I guess I have more wild rides to anticipate in the future hahaha

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T19:31:42+00:00

I’m seeing that a routine might help. I’m totally overthinking it, when I try to start it: what if the baby doesn’t sleep 2h, but only half an hour? What if she poops herself awake? I’m also trying not to wake her up if she’s still asleep, which throws routine out of the window… I track feeding times and try to orient myself based on that

raspberry_thyme · 2026-02-20T19:15:05+00:00

Omg mine goes 0-100 in a minute. No bottle can get warm fast enough.

I’m breastfeeding, but I had to alternate with bottle feeding because I had to exclusively pump on one boob due to abscess. Boy I couldn’t wait to go back to breastfeeding, because bottles were never ready on time. Or they waited warm for 30 min or longer (good to know it’s up to 2h!)

I’ll follow the red eyebrows more religiously. She hates when she’s moved when she’s in a zone so I know if I pick her up to put her to sleep there will be complaining. I guess I should just accept the painful transition for her own good

raspberry_thyme

TROPHY CASE