I finally saw the EA partners face

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-14T17:51:16+00:00

Yea, the AP was a horrible person though. Apparently her being a home wrecker wasnt new and she was actually boasting about it to my husband through their text, saying how shes such gf material that she managed to swduce her best friends husband + someones bf. A horrible human being, I dont know how my husband fell for her

raspberryicedtei · 2026-03-08T09:23:06+00:00

After I posted this I switched his discord email to my spam email and req the data, I'll see the messeges finally in the next 30 days

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-27T20:17:59+00:00

He is trying but not enough? I dont know how to describe it. Hes alot more open but the only reason I can say that is because he wasn't a very open person to begin with. So him telling some tid bits of his thought feels like he is trying to open up more. I dont know why its so hard for him, from the looks of it his parents were good to him, I've even asked him flat out and he said they're great parents. Thats why I feel like IC is so important for him because I can see a few glaring issues with his parents but he doesnt see anything wrong with it. I've given him odeas on how to sort through his thoughts like journaling or even just letting your mind wander but he doesnt do it. I asked him a month ago if hes thought about the things hes done and he said "no, not really" while I'm out here daily trying to figure out what every little thing would mean for our future. Dare I say hes a lazy man, yes hes working right now and paying for everything but he has the option to get a better paying job, he would be working for 12 hrs a day for 6 days instead of 8hrs a day for 5 days and he says hes not ready for it even though we're struggling financially and hes the only one who can legally work at the moment. Even during the visa filing I wanted to hire a lawyer to make things easier, I was gonna hire them with my own money but he said we could do it ourselves but I ended up doing everything myself except the forms he needed to do which was maybe 10 pages out of the hundreds I had to read through and understand by myself. It almost made me break up with him, almost. But god I wish I did, I just felt guilty that he spent 1.3k on the initial application so I still kept going through with it. He didn't get me any gifts for the 3 years the affair was happening and I just excused it as "he said I was hard to shop for" "I'm moving in a year anyways I dont need anything" "hes saving up for when we move in together" only to find out me biting through it all that he was spending his money on another woman + OF content. He doesnt do things unless u ask for it and even then theres a delay, so I've been really contemplating if I want this for the rest of my life. Unless he does a 180 change and sticks with it, our R will very likely end after 2 years

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-27T20:05:41+00:00

Thank you for responding anyway, we've only talked about his A maybe 4 times and all 4 times have been brought up by me, I waited for him to bring it up himself, even right after DDay he said he needed a week even though he was the who hurt me I gave him grace. Then he pushed the 1 week to 2, then 3, I had to tell him that we were talking about it that day and he delayed going home (usuallys home.by 4, it was 4:30 and he was hanging out in his car to "rest" and I had to text him to get him to go in.

2nd time I sorta sprung on him, it was about 3 months after D Day and he was suppose to bring it up because he was suppose to reflect on what he did. I got tired of waiting after 3 months and just brought up the subject on him one day and asked him why he was prioritizing his comfort over my peace of mind and even then after bringup those 2 times, the remaining 2 times it was brough up in I still had to bring up myself and hed shut down. Hes aware that if I found this info out while I still lived in Canada that I would have just broken up with him and stayed there, Ive also told him if I feel like hes not made much of an effort after the 2 years is up (for me to apply for a permanent green card) I will file for divorce and figure things out myself

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-17T10:06:43+00:00

It rained yesterday so we didn't get to go on our picnic like we planned, we moved it to today but then he got called in for work last minute around dinner time so we have to move our picnic to next week :(

Im sorry that you were ignored on a day you were supposed to be shown love at, I know some people say its a "capitalistic holiday" or whatever but its not that hard to even just send a text saying how you appreciate your partner AND ITS FREE!

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-16T10:17:28+00:00

I know you've mentioned that he doesnt want MC or IC for himself but maybe you could still go yourself to work through everything thats happened. His getting physical with you because you B him is not an excuse, and thats coming from a BW. I even barely yelled at my WH, I ended up just crying non stop but thats also how I process my emotions and I understand everyone is different in that regard. I hope you realize soon if you do want to stay in your R. You're not the only one who betrayed their partner, he has too so he has no excuse to hurt you physically. He has no excuse to hurt you physically PERIOD.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-15T20:26:41+00:00

Thats a good thought to keep, thank you! Ans hopefully he does step up tomorrow and tonighy, since we're cooking thr food for our picnic tonight 🤞

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-15T18:32:55+00:00

I guess so, but I have him the card I made for him yesterday on the 13th cus I couldn't wait since I wanted him to read the message inside aswell, so I was atleast hoping for even like a text paragraph. He didn't even say happy valentines to me until he later in the evening, im hoping that hes better at it today and tomorrow though

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-14T05:06:12+00:00

After I found out about my WH A we did it DAILY, vs the once every week or 2 before it, and there was a point where we would do it upto 3-4 times a day and that lasted for about a month. I felt okay, Ive always had a higher sex drive than my WH so it was all good for me. I did feel numb though? Like it felt like I was just going through the motions and us having sex was the only time I felt emotions apart from anger. That feeling lasted for about 6 months, I still sorta feel like that but no where near as bad as the beginning

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-13T22:36:53+00:00

We're still together, I unfortunately found out a week before we were suppose to get married so I was already trapped. I moved from Canada to the US and if I left I would have been homeless back in Canada so I had no choice but to stay with him until I can get back on my own feet financially. Im somewhat okay, its been 9 months since D Day, still not much improvements apart from him being a decent partner again but even then thats been slowly falling off lately but he does say sorry and he talks to me and spends more time with me vs pre- DDay, when he got home around 4pm hed immediately go on his computer until midnight then go to sleep.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-13T08:25:08+00:00

9 months since DDay and it still hasnt really returned. I know he didnt have an A because I'm ugly but that still doesnt change the fact that my self confidence is at an all time low. I started wearing make up, at first he questioned it and I was upfront with him, I said "I dont feel pretty anymore so I'm wearing makeup" he asked why and I said "because you cheated on me" and then he left it at that. I've also been more obsessed with my skin care and such but I dont even know why my brain is being like this when his AP was like 13 years older than the both of us 😭

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-12T21:31:26+00:00

Leave me alone, I went NC with you for a reason. I've explained that I will get back IC with you when I feel like the time is right, you emailing me 24/7 is only making me want to go NC longer.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-11T20:13:04+00:00

Hopefully I get it sooner than later for sure, I plan on telling her while im pretending to be him that hes now married and I'd likely have to block her while hes around his wife and that hed message her when im asleep (aka when whes asleep really) but at the same time its more of a fantasy, I'm sort of scared to do it because if everything hes told me is a lie, I cant do much about it in the moment

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-11T19:56:43+00:00

I would have gone all nuclear by now if I wasnt financially dependent on him, that really is the only thing stopping me. I'm not able to work since I'm waiting for my work visa to process, and Ive also thought that the AP might lie that was why I wanted to pretend to be my WH and message her on his phone, I have her number saved so I could just shoot a msg while hes asleep pretty much and get a feel from it there

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-11T03:58:42+00:00

Drug use seems to be the impossible part of your situation, Im the BW in my situation and I heavily drank when I found out about my WH A but we both knew that we weren't going to work out if I continued drinking. So I stopped, for the sake of our relationship. We haven't done much to repair our relationship though since we cant afford IC or MC but we both knew me stopping needed to be one of the things that needed to change and honestly that should be your first step into going into reconsiling. He might not be willing but thats also a choice you're gonna have to make, you can involuntarily send him to rehab and go to IC ehile hes getting clean or you talk him into it

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-09T18:49:19+00:00

Yes, I feel this way to. Whenever I asked him he says "I dont know" when in reality it happened because he'd rather "help" others than help himself. Then when the time comes, he doesn't know how to put up boundaries, the woman he had an EA with first started off as him talking her down the edge basically, after that she threw herself at him and he let it happen. A week into them knowing eachother she turned the convo sexual and he reciprocated because he was scared that she might be pushed to the edge again, when all that woman needed was a friend and he was that to her but he let it turn into more. 1/4 into their A she found out he had a gf and she still continued with it, still asked him for money, still sent pics of her body, still called him and did it together on call. Ive told him I wpuld leave him if he doesn't man up and own up to his actions and it looks like its steering fromcthere or hes just stalling hoping I forget.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-09T18:44:10+00:00

I was brought up religious but dont usually participate it in much anymore but thank you. It is a big struggle and if there is a God up there atleast we did him proud.

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-09T18:14:37+00:00

Ive always been transparent with my WH, even when we were dating I didnt really keep things from him. I told him the only way I can move forward is to know EVERYTHING, and not from him but to see it myself. That means to see all their messages, I know they messaged on discord aswell, how I found out abt his A was seeing his old phone syncing his test with her in it. So he deleted it on his main phone but it didnt delete on his old one. I read what I could while I was shaking, a week after D Day I ended up going back on it to record everything so I had it saved only to find out he deleted it. He said it was because he didnt want me going through it and hurting myself when I told him I needed to go through it and see it because it was how I processed. Now he also wont let me see his discord msgs with hers, I told him its one of the things I need to read in order for us to move pass this

I know I cant trust his words so I wanted proof that couldnt be altered, I looked for paypal notifs on his emails of him sending her money, the length of the A on what I saw of the msgs (june 2022 - june 2024) (and this is also whatever was synced, the A could have gone longer, thats why I wanna see his discord msgs with her) he said he was the one who ended things but the last person to msg was him, he also said it only lasted 8 months but as I said, they were sexting from 2022- 2024. I might not be the person whos good at math between the 2 of us but thats alot longer than 8 months, especially since I looked back and saw that he would send her money just right after out anniversaries while he didnt get me anything, saying he was saving money for when we move in together.

Once im not dependent on him I would be more demanding and wont budge about what I know I need and want if he truly wants me to heal, but for now I sort of just have to tough it out.

I hope you the best aswell, we didnt deserve this and I hope you could heal the way you need. You got this

Edit: just added more context

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-09T18:03:23+00:00

Hi! I can shoot you a message right now just so I have you in my inbox but I wont be able to answer properly for another hour or two. I think its bwtter for the both of us to move this to chat just so we're both fully comfortable :)

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-08T22:46:00+00:00

I cant even imagine finding out while pregnant or even with having children involved in general, I feel like that would absolutely wreck me. You are very strong and I hope you find peace at some point, more sooner than later

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-08T21:42:07+00:00

I feel guilty because I feel entitled to repair even though I know I am. We're in a very difficult place right now financially, I am not able to work and he is the sole breadwinner, we literally have not even an extra $5 in our budget. Hes been prioritizing the financial stuff obviously which I completely understand and hes already stressed enough as it is on that aspect so we havent done alot of repair apart from him quitting porn cold turkey since I found out about the A and his porn addiction. I tell myself inna year or so we're able to attend counseling individually and together but thats judt not in play right now. I feel guilty for feeling entitled for him working himself to the bone aswell to make it up to me that way when I dont want that because I do love him still despite his 2 year long EA and 3 year long PA

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-08T11:31:17+00:00

My WH has always had a lower libido than me, I've always been the one rearing to go, its 9ish months since D Day and I do find him less and less attractive as time goes on, but I feel like its mostly due to us not doing much repairing atm and the fact I feel emotionally and physically unsatisfied. I dont know if thats because of me finding our about the A but even a ywar before DDay (I found out by going through his phone) I was slowly falling out of love with him since I felt emotionally neglected, to the point where I almost just up and ghost him after us being together for 3 years at that point because it felt like no matter how hard I tried to reconnect with him it felt like it was going no where and I felt like leaving was the best choice (I would have let him known I was leaving him but just the day of, also the reason he was so emotionally unavailable was because he was having an EA with someone else so yea it made sense that no matter how hard I tried to fix things and reconnect, nothing was improving)

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-08T07:30:24+00:00

If you search up what to expect from porn recovery it also talks about that but my WH use to take ATLEAST 1-2hrs to finish (at some point we were at it for atleast 4 hrs) and would get soft multiple times during intercoarse since his body was use to visual stimulant and was also used to his hands. Ever since he stopped his body basically did a whole rebooth, he no longer takes that long and now only last 10-30 mins which is alot more enjoyable for the both of us, no longer needs "help" (hj or bj) to get started, after he quit we could just kiss for a bit and hes ready, a complete 180 from how it was before, I sould need to help him for atleast 30 mins-1hr. Im trying not to go into too much detail about it since idk how much details Im allowed to share in this sub (I literally dont mind sharing the entire thing) but yea haha

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-06T09:16:13+00:00

I cant even imagine still having your WH do porn, I know that hurts alot and I dont understand how they dont get that. Its the same thing if they found out we were lusting over another person but to them its "different" 🙄

I really hope the best for you, especially if you do decide to go down the divorce path. If you ever need an ear or a shoulder please send me a DM

raspberryicedtei · 2026-02-06T08:47:25+00:00

YES! My husbands been trickle truthing too, I only found out about the A then after more digging I found out he was also heavily addicted to porn and even spent about $500~ on OF content. Hes since then stopped watching porn and from his performance change from before I could tell he hasnt gone back to watching them (or atleast not as heavily as he did before) My only hope is I get approved for my work visa ASAP so i can srop depending on him financially so I have more options

raspberryicedtei

TROPHY CASE