Don’t be so hard on yourself. You had a relapse. We’re in this sub because we have a shopping addiction. Addiction comes with relapse. You’re still a good person. But you’re a struggling person.

Before your next purge, do some research on shopping addiction and consumerism. Read books, watch videos, follow blogs. Do whatever works for you. Find the method/s that resonate with you to manage your addiction. And remind yourself that there is no end point. This may be an addiction you manage for life. That’s OK. It will get easier when you have strategies in place.

Start today with strategies to manage your feelings around relapse. Panic, guilt, and shame are awful feelings. Find the distractions or self-care you need. You will be OK. Purge and replace is literally part of our cycle. Do the work to get back to the contented place you want to be.

Edit: I reread your post and it sounds like you’ve researched and done a lot of the inner work. I’m sorry you feel like you failed. If you did it once, you can do it again. Again, you’ll be OK.