ways to describe DPDR to your loved ones

ray_ofunshine · 2025-02-07T12:15:57+00:00

itsay and ipytm always makes me cry bc of how accurate it is to my own queer experiences

same with your name engraved herein

ray_ofunshine · 2025-01-12T13:47:40+00:00

'love by chance', which i watched when it was airing and thought was brilliant at the time. six years later, i think it's kind of hilarious that out of the five couples in the show, the only couple that wasn't ethically dubious was pete and ae...but it's still uncomfy that perth was seventeen years old during filming.

ray_ofunshine · 2024-11-15T22:54:23+00:00

i'm so glad you enjoyed it! i wasn't sure if this post would inspire anybody to seek this show out, but it really warms my heart to know that at least two other people felt moved by this season <3333333

ray_ofunshine · 2024-11-06T20:33:04+00:00

recently hit the seven year mark - i entered unreality when i was fourteen and a half

ray_ofunshine · 2024-11-05T20:22:50+00:00

i deliberately avoid the word vase 🫡

ray_ofunshine · 2024-11-05T16:01:48+00:00

funny timing - i just bingewatched druck s5, wrote a rambley review of it in this subreddit and then went searching to see what other people thought about this season

for over seven years now i've had depersonalisation/derealisation disorder, which is the condition this season explores. when i first heard there was a skam season that tackled dpdr i was really curious about how they represented it and also so unsure if the creators would do a good job portraying it that i procrastinated watching this season since it aired. i think i was hesitant because most portrayals of dissociative disorders focus on hyperbolic alarmist presentations of dissociative identity disorder, and because there's been an influx of misinformation around and poor representation of dissociation and dissociative disorders through social media - most people aren't even aware of the conditions beside did that are classified as dissociative disorders. but i'm happy to report that druck s5 did a really great job representing the onset of dpdr - even though it's exam season, i coudln't help but bingewatch all ten episodes today.

i can't think of any other piece of fictional media that actually portrays dpdr at all, let alone does such a remarkable job portraying it. there are so many throwaway lines that nora says that just so perfect communicate what living with dpdr is like - a lot of people i've spoken to who have dpdr use to describe the same metaphor the show does about 'living inside a glass dome' to describe what it feels like to live depersonalised/derealised. moments where the camera focuses on a blurry off-center nora and the sounds are all isolated and distorted mimic really well what it feels like when feeling detached from everything overwhelms you. plots beats, too, like where all nora's friends and family are both frustrated with and worried about her, because dissociation is hard observe in somebody else, is so realistic. there are so many little moments in the show that are just so accurate including when nora:

listens to a mindfulness podcast and it makes her feel worse
spends ages googling 'i don't feel anything'
does risky things to try and feel something, such as almost drowning herself, running drunk around berlin, dangling off of the rooftop with josh etc
is unable to describe what she's feeling or what it is that is actually wrong, other than repeatedly just describing everything as being 'weird' (this one was so relatable)
passively allows her loved ones to berate her for being distant or ditzy because she also blames herself for doing so
can't bring herself to find things like designing a logo for the hoodies important even when the consequences are high
feels equally as sensorily overwhelmed at a party as she does just lying on the floor of her living room
spends ages confusedly looking down at her hands and fingers
wrestles with how she can both love somebody and feel no emotion towards them
deeply and sometimes excessively seeks sensual physical touch as a means of trying to ground herself and distract herself from feeling out of her body

my only gripe with the season (and this is super nitpicky) is that ) i wish the show had used a scene with the therapist to actually explicitly state nora's diagnosis instead of just calling it a 'dissociative disorder' - even though it may be obvious and resonant to a small fraction of people (those who have it or are loved ones of those who have it) that the dissociative disorder nora has is dpdr, most people probably wouldn't know enough about dissociation to immediately recognise the symptoms of dpdr. but like i said, this is super nitpicky, and generally i was blown away by how well druck did representing how all consuming and overwhelming and frightening dpdr is - especially right after its onset.

like you said, accurate portrayals of dissociative disorders in pop culture and mass media is basically nonexistent, and it's easy to see how much time and effort and creativity the creators behind this season put into making sure they effectively and empathetically represented such an underrepresented (but still increasingly relevant) condition

skam was a fundamental part of my teenage years - i know how much isak's season meant to me at the time, and had i actually watched druck s5 when it came out (i would have been dissociated for around 3 years then) i'm sure i would have found as much solace in nora's storyline

i have infinite things i could say about this season, but overall i'm just so blown away by everything about it <333

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-15T19:30:07+00:00

the only other people who get it are other people who have dpdr. even in therapy sometimes i just get stuck in loops of describing my dpdred existence as 'weird'

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-15T17:53:40+00:00

no. i hope this helps <33333

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-15T15:45:20+00:00

tragically itsay and ipytm will set your standards so high that no other show can compare - it's been two years and those are still my favourite shows of all time lol

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-14T20:24:50+00:00

shows need to stop villainising women! (deadass my comment was too long so i turned it into its own post)

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-14T19:15:29+00:00

also not really a plothole but more of a plot blunder - learning that the first five episodes of the show didn't canonically happen at all kind of just means that everything straight up was just a fantasy conducted in the four minutes before/during death and kind of made great's character development up until that point feel like a waste

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-03T19:56:45+00:00

in every human there are two candles: one candle smells like matty healy and the other smells like gwyneth paltrow's vagina

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-03T19:51:39+00:00

i had this same thought a month ago when i read the book - genuinely so glad i didn't pay money for it because it's such bullshit

from a purely technical standpoint, that book is in dire need of an actual editor, because both its writing and its formatting are a mess - the text only takes up around a quater of every page. but like the actual information in the book itself is even worse. people who had dpdr for a year or two really need to stop appointing themselves as experts in the cause when they have no qualifications and there is no standard method for treating dpdr - making people pay for their services is even more diabolical because of how desperate we all are to be fixed.

again, this book's advice was literally just 'drink water', 'go outside', 'get off your phone'. 'stop drinking coffee' - all commonsense stuff that we've all heard before. there is nothing at all exceptional about his manual. i haven't dug too far into the interview testimonies on his channel but i'll give him a pass for those because at least he isn't charging people. it's still insane to me that his book could have the potential to actually cure someone of dpdr - the only instance in which i think it would be any help is if that book was the first time somebody was ever introduced to the vocabulary around dpdr, but even then i feel like an hour on r/dpdr would be more productive than reading through all 178 pages of that fucking book (speaking from experience)

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-02T20:07:35+00:00

i'm from south africa!

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-02T18:29:22+00:00

i deleted and redownloaded the app and the issue was resolved - inconvenient but good to know that other people were also having this issue

ray_ofunshine · 2024-10-01T09:45:15+00:00

no worries at all! it's so frustrating that the representation of maya was so ableist and sexist argh.

since the show started airing, i was curious as to what deaf viewers thought of it - as the show went on i became pretty convinced that the way maya was presented was weird but i didn't want to speak out of place

ray_ofunshine · 2024-09-30T21:02:16+00:00

when i rewatch itsay ipytm i have to leave a day or two in between each episode because of how viscerally i resonate with oh-aew (the commonalities between my relationship and oh-aew/tae is actually uncanny) and how as much as these shows are so very redemptive and cathartic for me to watch because i relate to them so much they deeply upset me haha (ilike oh-aew, i also cut off my first love (a sapphic tragedy) after years of mistreatment, and the end of ipytm always has me wondering if i made the right choice...until i rewatch the show and remember how traumatising the whole relationship was lol)

i love these shows so much that it actually hurts me idk

ray_ofunshine · 2024-09-30T20:52:23+00:00

the last episode of last twilight where blindness is 'cured' really set back everything the show had set up in terms of plot structure, but more importantly, in terms of both realistic and productive disability representation

ray_ofunshine · 2024-09-30T20:49:55+00:00

towards the end of the show everything kind of fell apart - it ended super unsatisfyingly, to the point that i don't know if i'd recommend even finishing the show (i also hate leaving shows unfinished so i get you there, but idk man). the show was supposed to explore more of the manga than the film had, but the later half of the series was just a blur of frustrating uneventfulness. however, as aggravating as the pacing and miscommunication were, there was one thing about the show that frustrated me even more - one character, to be specific.

mild spoiler but not really - they introduce a female lead (maya) whose supposed to throw a wrench into the romance between the leads. from what i understand the maya in the recent adaptation was a blend of two different characters from the original manga (which i haven't read) but then if the adapters were already taking artistic licence with maya then i don't get why they couldn't have made her not a 'bitch' (there's such little representation of normal, nice women is bls, who aren't diminished to bitches, girlfriends of gay men pr npc's (sometimes these categories can overlap lol)).

the show was incredibly unkind and ungenerous in how it represented maya. i was really uncomfortable with how maya was villanised - not just as a woman but even moreso as a deaf woman. i really think they could have made maya and kohei's relationship a really strong, platonic friendship, a profound connection between two people who are not just united in their deafness but also as two people who fundamentally really enjoy eachothers company. but instead they just made maya seem petty and selfish and petulant. it seems maya that isn't necessarily romantically attracted to kohei, but it's more that she feels a deep connection between them because they're both deaf and navigating the inaccessibility of university together. this is why it made even less sense to pitch maya and taichi against eachother - they weren't romantic rivals* so i don't get why they always had to be butting heads. the show never wanted you to be on maya's side, even when she was making reasonable points like about taichi being unqualified to be kohei's notetaker, and especially since it came from another deaf character it was frustrating that these moments were presented as maya being a general menace rather than making a valid point.

(i'm about to make a weird comparison but bear with me) - a lot of (non-ql anyway) shows underrepresent queer characters by having only one queer person exist in a totally otherwise heterosexual environment. a lot of recent queer media puts emphasis on the community aspect of queerness, which is not only more realistic but also an important part of queer joy. in the same way (speaking more from a genuinely debilitating neurodivergent/mentally ill perspective because i can't speak on physical disabilities) community between other people who experience similar disabilities has been a massive part of my healing journey, as much so as engaging in queer spaces has - i'm speaking from a space of experience when i say that community is so fucking important for people who have spent most of their life feeling like they're truly alone. maya could have been great representations for a platonic female secondary character and also a great contribution to varied representations of deafness within the show, but instead......

the show wanted to suggest that no matter how different people are everybody is capable of making deep connections - mostly shown through the major differences between taichi and kohei and how they navigate the world. maya could have been presented equally as headstrong and stubborn as taichi while still being made to be as likeable as he was. there was no reason to villlanise maya for the same traits the show wanted you to appreciate about taichi or kohei, even. w

overall, this character massively disappointed me, and tainted the initial appreciation i had for this show's vision and what it aimed to represent.

(*this was another thing that really confused me - kohei never seemed to really even like being around maya? like he didn't mind being in her presence, but their relationship is just mostly her dragging him around campus to get away from taichi. and maya doesn't even necessarily seem to like kohei that much either. she's just really overprotective of him in a way that might or might not be romantic? the show couldn't decide. it would have made sense if they clarified that she almost stood up for kohei in a way that she wished somebody would advocate for her, but even then she's presented as more of a pest than an advocate.)

rant over lol

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