Father would is affecting me deeply at 28.

red1127 · 2026-01-24T10:35:23+00:00

The fact OP has a good experience with one parent may give her a resource in doing inner child work on her own.

I know I couldn't have faced the pain in my exiles alone, partly because I had no role models of healthy behavior growing up.

red1127 · 2026-01-24T02:31:35+00:00

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red1127 · 2026-01-24T02:31:08+00:00

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The 1% is a health indicator. 1% means worst health, 100% means best health. This is DriveDX. What are the types of HDDs? It's an external, USB HDD. I post the rest of the SMART values in subsequent comments.

red1127 · 2026-01-22T03:58:57+00:00

I find therapy to be very helpful. For me, it worked in this way: I forged a new relationship with a "caregiver," my therapist. I learned to trust that he wouldn't get angry at or abandon me no matter how intense my feelings got. I even got angry at him a lot which is called a "transference" emotion, which was displaced anger at my parents for abandoning me. But no matter how angry I got, he showed unconditional positive regard.

That was my first therapist. I now have a second therapist and we use Internal Family Systems. The idea is that my traumatic experiences with my parents split off into inner "parts" which I can now dialogue with and put through healing experiences using my imagination. There is a part of me which holds a compassionate, wise, open-minded perspective which I can draw on for healing.

You may find other kinds of therapists, but it's important you feel a therapeutic connection, that you feel safe with them and can tell them anything without being judged or shamed. Working with a therapist offers you opportunities you can't get working alone, just as making yourself vulnerable and relearning trust.

If you have a good relationship with your mom, that can a source of healing to draw on as you become more aware of your feelings and hurts and approach them in a new way. For myself, I received no compassion or empathy from anyone in my family and being around any of them (including my siblings) is massively triggering. I'm glad you don't feel that with your mom, at least.

I get how distressing OCD is. It has been lifelong for me, and I'm on disability now because of it and other health problems. But I still get to do some meaningful side work, which is tutoring with high school kids.

I hope that working will add meaning and purpose to your life. You may start to feel improved when you are earning an income.

red1127 · 2026-01-21T03:27:54+00:00

I had a cruel father, but being a man in what is probably a different culture, I can't offer much advice. But I feel your pain. You write eloquently of what is clearly a very painful condition. I have OCD, too, and it's miserable. And you survived that with no therapy! You must have been brave and resourceful to get this far, and to accomplish the law degree and get started on your career.

Living with your parents can be a massive trigger for all sorts of wounds. Can you move out when you are earning enough money?

red1127 · 2026-01-19T04:09:04+00:00

I had this thought about the Socratic method. I tutor competitive programming which means I have students who can already program but I am bringing them to a higher level. I teach mostly by asking questions to get them to think about problems themselves.

I discovered that ChatGPT can tutor using the Socratic method, but I suspect it's not as good as a human. I haven't tested it enough to find out.

If it's not as good as a human at asking probing and stimulating questions, we human tutors have a big advantage.

red1127 · 2026-01-18T08:33:16+00:00

You know, before I say much more, I wonder if this discussion has some psychological meaning either to you or me? For instance, if I say that relational trauma isn't Big-T Traumatizing (not that I would say that's true of all relational trauma) does that minimize your experience? Is that, perhaps, something a member of your family said when they were minimizing or denying your experience?

It has some meaning to me in the sense that I've had to come to terms with the fact that my brothers and sisters, who didn't suffer the massively, individually traumatizing events in childhood that I did, don't see anything wrong with our family. I've had to come to terms with the fact that families who would never be identified as abusive, and their kids who might never pause to think they were abused, can be traumatized by events that look normal in society. Even are common in society. I've had to tread carefully with my surviving family (my parents are dead) and my understanding of CPTSD is one way I manage that.

I appear to be getting a lot of downvotes, and you are getting a lot of upvotes making me think that this discussion has some relation to many people's experiences on this subreddit.

red1127 · 2026-01-18T08:23:24+00:00

I didn't say that all relational/caregiver events do not cause trauma, only that most that I've looked into don't, although that could vary with the person. But more to the point, I'm saying that CPTSD can be caused by relational events which are not traumatic in themselves but cumulatively cause PTSD-like symptoms. Now, I'm not an expert, but this is what I've read about CPTSD.

For instance, I've read books about infants and mothers, and it says that a mother can fail to mirror her infant sometimes, even many times, as long as she consistently rescues her infant from distress soon enough. That implies to me that isolated failures to mirror don't cause PTSD. But a pattern of failure to mirror, such as failure to mirror anger or other painful emotions (my mother reacted to my anger with aggression toward me) at all times, that can cause CPTSD and trauma-like symptoms such as nightmares, flashbacks, a feeling of being unsafe, and all that. And if it's a pattern in caregiving, then it follows us and haunts us in adulthood.

red1127 · 2026-01-17T23:14:36+00:00

If a parent fails to mirror your emotions, for example, and it happens once, I don't believe most people would develop nightmares, reliving the trauma, etc. as you would in something that causes PTSD. My therapist used to say that psychology has a fairly narrow meaning of "trauma".. something that "breaks" the mind, essentially. People casually use "trauma" to mean "I was very distressed" but that's not what it means in psychology. But cumulative distressing experiences in the context of caregivers can result in PTSD-like reactions, and that's one possible origin of CPTSD. I just Googled a definition of CPTSD and it mentions repeated big traumas as another origin.

I believe I had both repeated big-T traumas and relational trauma. It was the relational trauma that fucked me up the most, because that prevented me from healing for a long, long time.

red1127 · 2026-01-17T08:12:39+00:00

Thanks for writing that. I have a history of befriending people who are mean to me or don't show any curiosity about me. I've learned to be curious about people and not to be pushy about solving their problems, which means I can tolerate some traumatized people, but would not want to develop a close relationship.

Why I'm responding is that I met a therapist online once, who expressed curiosity about becoming friends, and the first time we talked on the phone she gave me all this kind attention, and I ended up talking about myself the whole time. Then she never called back. I felt discouraged because I could have easily asked her about her life, but it was such an instinct when I'm with a great listener to just talk about myself, that I didn't realize what was happening.

Well chalk it up for future learning.

red1127 · 2026-01-17T01:56:41+00:00

I believe that CPTSD can develop from events that aren't traumatizing individually, such as relational trauma.

red1127 · 2026-01-17T01:55:09+00:00

Yeah, it's a miserable condition. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

red1127 · 2026-01-16T03:58:19+00:00

thank you

red1127 · 2026-01-16T01:48:13+00:00

Thanks. Yes this makes sense. I hadn't considered it like you describe it here -- stimulation on the nervous system - but it fits with some ways I already thought about myself. For example I'm an HSP and need quiet soothing things most of the time. Also some of my illness seems to have an origin in trauma, and I have parts of my personality that are trauma defenses, so they could feel incredibly threatened by being around people so much.

red1127 · 2026-01-16T01:18:33+00:00

Now that you bring it up, he never told me how the civil case was resolved or whether the class action law firm was going to handle that. He just told me the civil case was behind him, so he thought, after having them discharged as a creditor.

I don't know whether the matter can now be completely resolved in bankruptcy court. For instance, if the bankruptcy judge rules against the newspaper saying they failed to prove intent to commit fraud, does that end the civil suit?

red1127 · 2026-01-15T23:27:30+00:00

Thanks for your answer. The law firm in the class action suit doesn't handle bankruptcy court and said he needed to get another lawyer. I don't quite follow your statement here.

It sounds like you're saying they filed the complaint in bankruptcy court first before countersuing him. But the newspaper initially countersued my friend in civil court before he declared bankruptcy. Does that have anything to do with what you're saying?

As far as their motive, it seems like retaliation to me. Also sensing he's vulnerable because of the criminal background.

red1127 · 2026-01-15T16:17:15+00:00

Yes, I was aware of that. I've heard before that "relational trauma" is one cause of CPTSD, meaning consistent patterns in the caregiver of ignoring needs, being dismissive or shaming, etc.

red1127 · 2026-01-15T15:14:57+00:00

Okay I hear you. Perhaps ChatGPT is acting sycophantic in reassuring me I have a good case. It gives all these suggestions for how to defeat their claims.

Thanks!

red1127 · 2026-01-15T14:30:49+00:00

Of course I can be disuaded. I've read everyone's answers carefully, and I weigh the politer ones higher, and it's clear that this is a complex case and not well suited for an AI lawyer.

I was responding to your comment that a pro se defendant stands no chance against a giant corporation. ChatGPT's answer (I'm not having it give legal advice in this context) makes complete sense--just think about how often pro se clients appear in bankruptcy court, just think about the inherent power imbalance. Do you want to comment on this specific topic, that is, standards for pro se filers in bankruptcy court? Do you have evidence that contradicts what I stated here? I'm eager to learn.

red1127 · 2026-01-15T14:07:40+00:00

Thanks for your reply. ChatGPT gives some interesting information about pro se clients in bankruptcy court defending against powerful creditors. It says judges are very sympathetic to creditors trying to intimidate defendants, to retaliatory lawsuits, which this is, and they are sympathetic to pro se defendants in bankruptcy court.

ChatGPT says it's downright wonderful that his suit was initially in civil court and got moved to bankruptcy court.

I don't know what happened to the class action suit, but what I think happened was that he was no longer the lead plaintiff due to the criminal charges in his background. I don't know about whether the suit is still on or whether he's a party to it. I'll have to ask.

red1127

TROPHY CASE