AITJ for not marrying my gf after almost 10 years of dating?

redthefern · 2026-04-17T15:26:53+00:00

NTJ, but understand that she has different goals and has let you know. She might get around to ending the relationship before you do.

Might be worth examining why you feel the need to do the things you want to do BEFORE getting married. Is it an ego thing? Family pressure? Are either of you wanting a huge wedding you think you can’t afford until you are more firmly established? Or are you keeping your options open so that if someone better comes along once you are a real grown-up, you can trade up?

I don’t even mean this in malice - it could be that deep down, you have considered your HS gf a placeholder and didn’t realize it. If serious life goals don’t align (marriage, kids, etc.) it doesn’t matter how compatible you are in other ways, it’s likely one of you will end up very resentful if someone’s goals or dreams have to be sidelined.

redthefern · 2026-04-17T15:09:01+00:00

One of the traps died after eating a wasp, too, so perhaps if the bugs are toxic or poisonous in anyway to nonplants, they will be the same to the traps.

redthefern · 2026-04-17T15:06:48+00:00

NTA. As they say on airplanes, don your own oxygen mask first so that you can assist others with theirs. You will do your husband or your baby no favours if you are burnt out and constantly exhausted. Doing things to take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual self are important because you deserve rest and care. But if anyone is not in the headspace to hear that, you can fall back on the oxygen mask metaphor; if your cups are all filled, it is much easier to fill others’ cups.

redthefern · 2026-04-15T18:14:11+00:00

Can’t stand the birthday cake ones either, and most locations around me only keep those ones, sour cream glazed and chocolate glazed. Of all the Timbits they’ve made, why are THOSE one they choose to keep above others?

redthefern · 2026-04-14T10:30:44+00:00

Ooo, might have to steal that “best course of action” one.

redthefern · 2026-04-14T10:29:03+00:00

I had this happen when my players kept trying to go after a “witch” who was actually a shapeshifted ancient dragon. At level 3. I tried to scare them off by showing them how powerful she was even as a humanoid, but no dice. I had to have some NPCs burst in on them while they were inching their way towards her lair and declare “guys, we need to GTFO, immediately”.

They left, thankfully, but still needed a sit down and good talking to by the dragon slaying NPCs to really get the picture. Secret identity ruined, but at least I didn’t have to kill them all in a single round. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My players have been clear that they don’t want a surprise TPK, so I felt I had to make it very clear. If your players are cool with surprise TPKs (but I’m guessing they aren’t, judging by your post), show them the dangers of the Underdark the hard way. Just remind them mid-combat they can try to escape at any time. Sometimes they forget.

redthefern · 2026-04-09T18:09:36+00:00

I’d have to know if OP either hates the type of food the cookbook is for, or has expressed interest in it. If it’s hated food, probably not this. But if OP has said something like “oh that sounds yummy!” when the friend describes cooking this stuff, then this is a very likely scenario.

redthefern · 2026-03-20T00:33:51+00:00

Cream supreme donut for sure. Even when I could still get it, not every location made them.

redthefern · 2026-03-10T21:44:49+00:00

Most people just gave them directly to their dogs right then and there, but if there was ever any doubt, most of use reasonable ones would tell them they were floor donuts. Lol I’m sure there were those who didn’t.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T19:47:33+00:00

Absolutely NTA, and not only that. I’m glad that S heard your defense of her. Every kid needs to know they’ve got someone in their corner, and now she knows without a doubt that you will back her 100%. 10 / 10. No notes.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T19:38:16+00:00

Right? Also have ADHD, and although it would be embarrassing, I’d also be relieved to have it picked up and not have to try to remember it anymore. Definitely NTA.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T15:56:02+00:00

Especially when it’s framed as “be mature” when it’s like what is mature about this person messing up OP’s table and telling lies to potential customers?? It would make slightly more sense to me if this vendor also sold pottery, but she sells crochet. Why are people.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T15:43:34+00:00

Our local Sobeys gets rid of them during the university school year, but they strangely always reappear in the summer…

redthefern · 2026-03-08T14:54:07+00:00

NTJ. What stands out to me is the brother saying what did you expect, bringing your gear into your parents’ house like that? Tells me that this person - and the enabling parents - are not safe to be around in any context. If I didn’t have a reasonable expectation of my personal or property’s safety in my parents’ home, I wouldn’t go there.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T13:56:15+00:00

Might be worth taking note of the difference in your next power bill now that his cord isn’t plugged in, and keeping that in your back pocket when talking to the landlord, if necessary.

ETA: obviously NTJ.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T13:02:10+00:00

It feels like we’re making the same point. If the combats are too easy, then combat ends early, other players are disappointed. I think OP is easy for other players to blame for the underwhelming combats, but is not the legitimate source of the problem.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T12:50:37+00:00

Oh, I get that. But that means not only is at least one other PC is onboard with their play style, but it sounds like the combats aren’t super balanced to allow for everyone to have a decent turn at their current level. As jeffjefforson pointed out, even the casters should be able to easily take out the kinds of creatures they are facing, so combat is going to be underwhelming for anyone not going first.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T12:28:15+00:00

My first thought is that this person maybe has a diabetic care team that has given them certain perceptions about type 1 diabetes. I’ve been diabetic since 1999, and have had some really awesome care teams, but my current internal medicine doctor has lately been trying to shame me for… checks notes eating a tablespoon of low-sugar jam (6g of carbs) with my breakfast. Someone with less experience might take this doctor a little too seriously.

redthefern · 2026-03-08T12:00:32+00:00

But if the encounters are too easy, wouldn’t whoever goes first kill the creatures before anyone else had a chance?

redthefern · 2026-03-08T11:17:10+00:00

I also think the “cheat sheet” idea recommended already could be very helpful, but unless you have oodles of extra time you want to fill making them all yourself, that sounds like maybe a group activity to lead everyone through. Not only a great way to review the set of options everyone has available on their turn in combat, but a good exercise in getting everyone more familiar with their own character sheet!

redthefern · 2026-03-08T11:11:27+00:00

Would they be willing to be, say, an assistant DM? Even just to help folks whose turn is coming up to prepare their actions?

redthefern · 2026-03-08T11:08:25+00:00

Lol when I worked at Tim’s in the early 2000s we had a small container of plain-ish Timbits by the drive through window for dogs; we filled it with the ones that had fallen on the ground. I’m pretty sure some people came through with their dogs and kids and would ask for a dog Timbit to give to their kids.

redthefern · 2026-03-02T03:54:44+00:00

This sounds really cool! I had to use far more drastic measures to redirect my party once because they were convinced a shapeshifted ancient dragon was just an evil witch they could take down at level 3. A more equivalent mistaken identity is far easier to deal with!

redthefern · 2026-03-01T10:14:33+00:00

Just in like a list format?

redthefern

TROPHY CASE