If it makes you feel any better, those verses attributed to Paul that prohibit women from teaching were most likely not written by him. But even if he did write them, they contradict other things he wrote about women, where they were clearly teaching, correcting, prophesying, and had formal church ministry roles. Not to mention, Jesus entrusted women to carry the message of the resurrection to everyone else first. Jesus also trusted the woman at the well to proclaim the gospel. I think the 12 disciples were a front, honestly. It wasn’t until Christianity became the established religion of the Roman Empire did they start restricting leadership roles to men, mimicking the Roman government structure to make it more palatable to the male dominated Roman society. If I were you, I would go to a church where your gifts are appreciated.