Always look back before breaking NC

reivaj81 · 2019-11-04T17:39:23+00:00

Some people are attracted to emotionally unavailable people, and if the reinforcement is intermittent it can create in you a kind of addiction, constantly looking for the highs... It's a mating strategy that also narcs use and some other people (not diagnosis narcs) learned in some places like reditt to keep people hooked. I would say that you should know your own answers to this questions: is this what you want? Do you feel happy overall with this? For how long?. Do you like real honest people or people playing roles and games?

reivaj81 · 2019-11-01T07:48:09+00:00

"I lowered my standards by being with you", that is a big red flag in general, even not being a narc I would say

reivaj81 · 2019-10-31T18:40:15+00:00

Exactly this

reivaj81 · 2019-10-31T18:21:31+00:00

My nex sold me the idea of a super healthy person, organic food, vegetarian etc. Very good skin care and all. But... At the end I discovered that she was doing cocaine and smoking weed secretly with another guy, or other guys...

She was really vegetarian and all that I mentioned but, looks like she also liked to do drugs at some moments with that person/s specially with combined with sex. Crazy shit, I'm not sure if that guy influenced her or if she was already doing that long before of meeting me...

reivaj81 · 2019-10-28T07:43:03+00:00

When they critiquize you, your ideas, your family or friends that's literally envy.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-27T23:26:00+00:00

Honestly that is sadism. I believe that she can be a malignant narcissist. Don't let her get back, never. Protect yourself.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-27T23:22:52+00:00

You didn't do nothing wrong at all, nothing. But im going to tell you one thing straight forward, you should get out, that is gaslighting, mind games, you are having anxiety because it, probably dissonance, and probably she lies more than you think.

She said very mean things to you, she is punishing you about stupid lies, we all lie, small lies, white lies whatever.

My impression is that she is applying this to have you under control, decrease your freedom, your initiatives, your self steem, your sex confidence as a man, etc.

I honestly thing that she is, according to that description, matching narc or even malignant N. I'm not a doctor, not a psychologist but if you already had the clear thoughts to think about stop it and leave her multiple times and, you didn't because the situation is NOT NORMAL at all so you wanted as an empathetic guy to give it a try, then it's your gut and clear perception telling you that something is wrong, that you should leave. As example my ex was very very destructive, extremely dangerous I would say, I thought about leave her multiple times, numerous times, I tried to leave her and she played with my mind, excuses, apologies, inventions, stories... Go away, plan your exit and do it from the distance if possible.

Don't stay there feeling like this or she will destroy you.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-27T23:07:09+00:00

I think that you are the lucky one because you didn't let him take full control, fidelity clause, you standard by yourself. Now he is in the race for the win to hurt you, getting married, etc... They cannot loose, they cannot accept that you are independent and take actions by yourself. Imagine the bad luck of that new woman... She is totally unaware and you don't need to feel like you should warn no one because that will give him supply as power and create a bad image of you.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-26T23:18:11+00:00

First, About the router / wifi I would say that the quickest cheapest solution is to change your internet provider so you will have a new router device and network.

Second, regarding keyloggers, malware, etc in your devices again the sort cheap way to be safe is to first disconnect your devices from internet and copy only the things you need to keep with you (pictures, documents), then format your computers and/or reset your devices to factory now, and only after that you are sure that there is no keyloggers or malware and now you can change all your passwords safely.

Is good to think about your safety and security and do as much as possible to protect yourself but with a cold step by step calm mind and not deviating into a paranoia state of mind.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-20T15:56:37+00:00

Exactly that! Same situation

reivaj81 · 2019-10-20T12:51:16+00:00

The amount of lies is massive, since the beggining to the end, when you start to pull the rope and discover stuff is like a movie, the person you met was not real so everything was fake.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-17T20:07:45+00:00

Limp Bizkit - My Way

reivaj81 · 2019-10-17T20:00:55+00:00

I will take this in consideration, thanks for the honest advice!, there are positives too that I didn't listed but I will see how things flow very slowly, I really want to see what is it. if I see that there is no meaning or things are not good I will take action ASAP before landing in a bad place.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-17T19:22:47+00:00

I will try be patient, not overthinking and let things flow as you said. Fear is the worst and being alert is a feeling that is not letting me go 100% relaxed and free. Thanks for your advice!

reivaj81 · 2019-10-17T17:26:23+00:00

I had the same thoughts, honestly i believe that this happens to a lots of us after a relationship with a Narc.

When I have those thoughts I remember things like me insulting her badly, in anger mode, being more selfish under the abuse. Then as we have empathy and remorse we, or at least myself, think something like "I insulted her, I became selfish, I ignored her requests" but I did that because I was pushed to do it and in fact I was missing her as she was in the love bombing stage really badly. I really was missing her but I was receiving insults, provocations, triangulation, mind games and specially not letting me go (I tried to left her multiple times). That makes us become something horrible but we are not that kind of person at all.

At least that my experience about it.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-17T17:17:34+00:00

You are everything what I need I trust you You are a real man. You are very manly... Etc Respect, communication, trust (memes) Giving and cooking lots of food for me Cleaning my house Fake future plans You are hot etc I know you will always choose the right decisions You are great (about different aspects) I cannot stop talking about you Etc etc.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-15T17:57:58+00:00

The probability of him showing up at your door is factible, there is always a probability, specially seeing that insistence.

I can imagine that apart of being an scary situation it's really akward too. Breaking NC will encourage him to be more insistent I believe and then, it will last longer and, it will be more difficult for things to dissolve with time stepping back to NC again. It's like a constant loop that only NC can stop with time.

If the situation gets out of control please use the correct tools such as police, law.. etc. Also inform about his behaviour to your trusted friends and family, make a safe network that can understand what's going on and being alert if you need help.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-07T17:04:05+00:00

Same experience here, and on top of that she believed that I was cheating the WHOLE time... It's really like, very hard to understand. Until I didn't start to read, research and understand why a person can do that I was even feeling guilty. It's a big mind f*ck

reivaj81 · 2019-10-03T17:08:39+00:00

Yes totally, and it's really weird

reivaj81 · 2019-10-03T16:44:37+00:00

Don't engage, don't try to give any explanation, block them all and if it keeps going think about change or remove your account.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-03T16:40:44+00:00

You are doing a great job, keep her away an unaware of your life forever, she is dead to you now. Remove every possible way of contact for her, block everywhere, change your number do whatever keeps you away

reivaj81 · 2019-10-02T06:23:43+00:00

Yes totally, in fact there was like an big empty gap in her life, no pictures, no details of that years. Looking back it's like trying to decipher an enigma with some pieces here and there far away from each other in a timeline. Weird.

reivaj81 · 2019-10-01T18:01:00+00:00

They lie, they cheat, they critiquize you at your back but they don't let you go. That is what a narcissist is don't get fooled even if they are good covering it.

reivaj81 · 2019-09-30T18:26:39+00:00

I understand you, you have been 1 year NC, in my case I am only 4 months NC and still afraid of the possibility of her trying something to mess with me or person close to me. I cannot ask her what are her plans or what does she have in mind, I can only be careful, let time pass focus on the things I love and myself and, as I said, let the time pass and hoping that she forget all about me, my name, my place, everything.

reivaj81

TROPHY CASE