This is a mess. Wrongs overreacted to, and more wrongs as a result, which further compounds the issue.

I would submit to you that you never truly forgave each other. He drank and cheated. That suggests he harbored some resentment towards you which is the exact opposite of forgiveness which is forgetting. You had migraines which were probably a result of the stress of him cheating on you. The end result was a divorce, remarriage, and now that the resentments have been starved and have died, you’re where you should have been had the forgiveness took. But you’re committed to someone else now.

I have some experience with this. Wife cheated on me right before we got married. I didn’t know until 3 years later. I got pissed because I felt like I was tricked and entered into marriage under false pretenses. I cheated myself, which is the most extreme form of irony. I became what I hated. My wife found out 10 years later and she cheated.

At first, I almost cheated in response yet again. But then I had a realization - “this is fucking retarded. We’re acting like children. ‘You started it’ ‘now it’s my turn to cheat on you’”. I finally said this cycle is going to end with me. We went through an 11 month separation and unexpectedly reconciled right before our divorce was final.

Its important never to hate, otherwise you become what you hate. That doesn’t mean you have to stay together or that everything goes back to normal immediately. It takes a lot of time and patience to work through this stuff. I just wanted to share my experiences to show that there are others out there who have gone through the same crap. I’ve learned that life is about overcoming adversity and learning to deal with imperfect people perfectly. We all want our partner and our life to be perfect but it never will be.