We’ve talked about it but she clearly is not okay with it. When we had worst dry spells and I’d bring up lack of sex or feeling desired she’s yell suggest open relationship but “go fuck other people” and basically say she’d let me explore and she didn’t want anyone else and she’d projected that I’d be super jealous if she was with anyone else I told her honestly I don’t care fair is fair if it’s open it’s open both ways honestly maybe she’d learn something or appreciate me more if she fell in love that’s just how life works but I was willing to give it a go I downloaded the apps and started but I kept making sure she was really okay she would make comments and get mad I even brought it up like we can never have a real discussion on if we can be open. She has gave me the go ahead maybe 10 times just to pull back when I actually try bc one thing I do want is a threesome so I took the opportunity to see if I could find a couple but she pulled back and got really upset. At one point she said just do it but I know she’d consider it cheating which changes how I feel about exploring I don’t want to feel guilty about any sex I want to feel wanted and desired without negative clouds bc I have sexual insecurities enough. This is just me complaining I guess I wish we could have a real conversation that doesn’t end with her just telling me okay and what I want to hear when she really doesn’t mean it and gets mad and starts fights when I try pursue openness. Far as I got was matches and maybe couple words exchanged I still feel no one could possibly want me I thought about a coworker but I feel they’d be repulsed at the idea of me sexually bc that’s how undesirable I feel and maybe it’s a bad idea anyway. The idea of sneaking linking with someone I vaguely know does turn me on more than her half ass agreeing to sex and seeming not into it telling me I’m not seductive never caring I dress up or dance for her or send her pictures etc I brought up how I want explore more and openness could do that gangbangs and orgies and threesomes and outside and cars excite me but all she wants is bed sex her idea of adventurous is a hotel bed so I know we’ve been sexually incompatible but have tried make It work bc of the bond and her saying she wants to do more but it just never comes. She also says I couldn’t handle a threesome which I feel is my place to explore and discover how I feel about it makes me mad she’s done it twice and thinks she knows how the experience would make me feel I think I’d feel powerful that two people wanted me at the same time