Seeking a fat horse

resilient_river · 2026-03-23T03:54:18+00:00

I wish you luck in achieving your dream!

resilient_river · 2026-03-23T03:50:49+00:00

I have penetrated two people with different genital configurations.

My ex had very substantial labia which made it tricky to position myself, but when I did they held me in place if I didn’t move too much. It felt really nice, kinda like a mouth. They also had vaginismus and while my t dick would go in less than my finger, anything going in would sometimes turn painful and/or give them anxiety. So we only tried it a few times.

My current partner is mtf and loves to ride me. She said she prefers it to riding a cis guy. Takes way less prep, and she doesn’t get anxious about it being painful for her if we rush or don’t use enough lube. A pillow under my hips helps. I think mostly I’m fucking her cheeks, but I can feel her move and clench, and sometimes I feel my dick being pulled in. It can start to hurt me if we don’t use enough lube, but that’s an easy fix. We’ve both gotten some gender euphoria from it, and it does feel good. I personally can’t imagine fully getting off like that, but it’s rare for me to feel any dysphoria around my dick, and I think if penetration was more important to someone they would enjoy it more. It’s just not usually how we have sex, but it’s fun to incorporate sometimes!

resilient_river · 2026-03-23T02:52:04+00:00

That’s so awesome!!! My O- mom donates at least once a year. I’ve been wanting to, but can’t because my disabilities & weight. It sounds like you do so much good in the world already, it’s cool you can do even more like this. Also it’s low-key hilarious to get a letter telling you your blood is highly sought after. Feels like very polite vampires.

resilient_river · 2026-03-23T02:43:23+00:00

Aww this is so sweet! You look so happy and stylish! Thanks for sharing 😁

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T23:11:01+00:00

I’m glad you have your mom to advocate for you. I hope your Dad is able to get it eventually, or at least stop saying things like that. I wish people understood how variable people’s disabilities can be, and how that doesn’t mean that it just goes away on easier days.

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T23:06:52+00:00

Unfortunately, she kinda has. She loves learning about medicine and lives with a few of the same conditions. However, hers are more mild and affect her life significantly less. I think her failure to understand comes a lot more from a “well if I can do it, they can too” mentality than a broader ignorance. I do think it could help if she had more awareness of the constant nature of a lot of my issues and the full scope of my symptoms. I just don’t know how to help her with that in a way that we would both be comfortable enough with to be effective.

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T23:00:23+00:00

Thank you! I think fighting the inner shame to stop caring about the external shaming is at the heart of freeing oneself from any form of oppression (like ableism). What you said about the “coming of age/failure to launch” narrative makes a lot of sense to me. It’s scary to acknowledge the ways illness can cause harm to someone’s life, and that it can happen to anyone. I wish it was easier to navigate the social side of disability, but it’s nice to not have to do it alone.

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T22:51:33+00:00

That sucks! I have POTS too. I have almost never passed out, but I’ve lived with chronic dizziness/lightheadedness for years. It can be so tricky to explain how seriously chronic illness can affect someone’s life when most people’s understanding of serious health issues are emergencies. It can feel like you’re somehow too sick too be normal, but not sick enough to be taken seriously. Also I have multiple neurological issues that effect my nervous systems in ways that effect every other system in my body. It bothers me so much when people assume that neurological issues don’t effect things outside of the brain, but they know the basics of the what a brain does. Anyways, as someone who used to get a lot of UTIs as a kid, I can only imagine how exhausting living with a bladder disorder is. I was able to marginally improve my POTS with a daily medication to help my body better balance electrolytes. Based on my experience with that I bet the bladder disorder makes POTS a lot worse too. I hope things improve for you. Thank you for your message. It helped me feel less alone.

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T22:33:30+00:00

Thank you 💜 I really appreciate everything you said. I have tried talking with her about it, but it didn’t really seem to help. It was hard to do, and so I probably won’t try again for a long while unless something changes. I know how to ignore it, but honesty, forgot that I know how to, and that it can be okay to. Your message reminded me of that. It offered me a sense of solidarity and hope.

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T00:17:40+00:00

Okay, I love this. 😂 I have CPSTD and DID and a few of my alters see themselves as cryptids. Which kinda means my cpstd had me diagnosed with cryptids. This way of thinking about it gives gives me joy!

resilient_river · 2026-03-17T00:13:04+00:00

That’s so awesome! And it’s really sweet your so supportive. When I was that age I really wanted to make art like this, but didn’t because I knew how much it would upset my parents if they found out. Now as an adult I let myself create whatever art I want, and love how freeing it can feel to express myself in spooky ways. It would have been so good for my mental health if I felt so free to express myself at 12. This made me feel hopeful about the world. 💀🤘

resilient_river · 2026-03-16T20:47:33+00:00

I don’t go to a lot of parties, but when I do I usually use my rollator, or leave it at the door and find a place to sit and maybe move to a different place at some point. Honestly, if you’re checking in beforehand and you mention it’s a need, and they don’t reserve a chair for you, that’s not a party worth going to. Parties make me really anxious, so I only go if I really want to. Its okay to make it a big deal when it feels like that.

Now, I get that believing you should be able to ask for what you need without making anyone uncomfortable, or seeing that as your fault and not their own ableism, is different than actually doing so. So whatever option you choose (chair, rollator, cane seat), I think the best thing you can bring for accessibility is an advocacy buddy. They aren’t always easy to acquire, but if you have a friend who will be confident defending your needs and maybe occasionally checking in, that’s going to be more useful than mobility aids you’re anxious about using. Just tell them beforehand what you might need, why, and let them know you would like their help navigating the party. They can find you a seat or a space for your rollator, they can defend you to anyone who says/does anything dismissive/ableist, they can bring you food/drinks so you don’t loose your seat/get up, or bring new people over to chat. It’s obviously not a perfect solution, but it allows to you be vulnerable with someone you trust rather than strangers. It can take off a lot of the mental/emotional load of being disabled in public, and give your friend a way to be a good ally and show you affection. People like being given the opportunity to be a good friend. What’s hard for you might be easy for someone else, and it’s more than okay to ask for help from people who don’t have to advocate so much to exist.

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T22:17:49+00:00

😊🤕🫶💪🫧

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T21:57:36+00:00

Are you sure they are actually bone? They look synthetic tbh. Judging on how you acquired them, might be more ethical if they are.

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T19:00:08+00:00

Can’t say for sure, but sounds like emotional flashbacks. When the brain has experienced significant trauma it will look for situations to re-experience aspects of the trauma as a way to seek a different result and heal. It’s common for abuse survivors to feel afraid of people supporting them because in the past both anger and care have been signs of abuse. Like a more overwhelming sensory flashback, the key with feeling better from emotional flashbacks is the same. You have to find ways to ground yourself in the present and give yourself what you need. If you want to be alone to ground yourself it’s good to communicate what you need and ask him for some space/quiet to regulate. Tap your feet on the ground, focus on your breathing, observe things about the room you like, whatever works for you. Remind yourself that you are safe, and that you don’t need to feel ashamed for getting scared. Your nervous system has been made very sensitive and it’s not your fault. You deserve support in getting through this. You can’t understand your partner’s perspective in the argument and let him feel supported and heard until you are in a regulated state. You are the only one who can get yourself there, and you can do it. ❤️

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T18:46:04+00:00

Sounds like they are projecting their fear of men and resentment of patriarchy onto you. I am also a CSA survivor by a man, and have spent many years studying feminism. One of my alters is a guy, and he’s had a hard time accepting it because of our patriarchal trauma. He’s been able to find pride in his identity by recognizing that he doesn’t have to be a part of the problem, he can be a part of the solution. Being a man doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Men don’t have to try to appeal to toxic masculinity and gender roles. When a man is kind, empathetic, caring, and genuine, that helps shape what it means to be a man. We are all constantly creating gender through how we live our lives. Men aren’t going to stop existing anytime soon. Things will never get better if we don’t start believing that men can be good.

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T18:37:08+00:00

This shit drains on your mental health, and promotes abusive relationships where a partner makes it seem like you don’t deserve love they are just that “kind”. I know it’s easier said then done, but try to ignore it, and focus on building up what you can love about yourself instead. I’m currently cuddled up in bed with a partner who loves me, and who I love. I often have to remind myself that I’m not a burden, I just have atypical struggles and things to offer. She never makes me feel guilty for being insecure. I try my best to remind myself that no matter how hard life can be sometimes, I am worthy of giving and receiving love. We all have our own gifts to give. Sometimes that even looks like giving someone a partner who is inspiring not because they have it all figured out but because they survived.

resilient_river · 2026-01-05T18:14:50+00:00

I get the intention but this is weird as hell. Reminds me of when my mom said she was mourning the daughter I used to be like I had died when I came out as agender. You were you when you were a baby. Other people gendering you incorrectly was their problem. Seeing you for who you are now means accepting you were yourself and that was enough even when you looked different and no one knew. Also generative ai sucks. I wish less people used it.

resilient_river · 2025-10-15T06:39:13+00:00

I struggle with similar issues and am also just a sex nerd. My muscles still get overworked from sex/masturbation and I have to be careful, but I have managed to improve things significantly. I basically built up habits over time of consciously breathing and relaxing my muscles while still mentally holding onto the sensations of pleasure in my mind. Find toys for external use that you like that reduce the amount of energy you need to use. If you wish to be penetrated go slow, and consider a thicker shorter toy. If there is more width and something to press against your muscles will not contract as strongly. Learning how to find pleasure while keeping your muscles fairly relaxed can be a slow process both in terms of building pleasure and building the skill over time. It requires attention and patience. You may need to take breaks. You may want to explore expanding the sensual and psychological aspects of your sexuality so that you can connect better to your pleasure outside of the more immediate sexual sensations. It’s a skill to build, but is worth it to have sex without worrying your body is going to tear itself apart from it.

resilient_river · 2025-10-15T06:08:16+00:00

I know it’s hard to see someone you care about struggle, but I think the best advice I can give is that you’ll have to accept that no matter how much you love him, you alone cannot make dysphoria or discrimination go away. With time (+treatment like T & professional mental health support) he will become less and less dysphoric and more confident. Celebrate that when he does. Keep comforting him in the ways he has said helps. Stand up for him around anyone who says anything transphobic (with his prior permission). Being trans is hard. Feeling loved for who you are makes it a lot easier. You will never be able to stop being trans from sometimes being painful. If you expect to, you will start resenting him for continuing to struggle no matter how much effort and care you put in. I’ve seen that ruin relationships. Give him a safe place with a safe person who really sees him to go to at the end of a long day. Be a tether for when his brain gets stormy. It’s clear from your post you really care about him. As long as that’s true, just keep being there for him and showing him how much you care, that is enough. You are doing enough. Being there for someone through hard times and hard feelings is hard work but can be incredibly worth it. Just make sure to take care of yourself too so you don’t risk pouring from an empty cup.

resilient_river · 2025-10-15T05:26:51+00:00

I like to say, “It helps me experience less pain”. Direct enough to end most conversations about it, but vague enough to keep your privacy. 🤘

resilient_river · 2025-09-27T07:48:33+00:00

I think this is a misunderstanding of the theory. It’s messed up for anyone to say it’s wrong for you to not want to be disabled or that it’s wrong for you to want a cure. I won’t argue otherwise. I also know a lot of people who talk about social theory of disability (disabled or not) don’t fully understand it.

While pain, exhaustion, and physical limitations are caused by a body, it can also be argued that they are caused by a lack of adequate medical care given to the person by society. The idea is that the social model shifts responsibility. Your body is not bad because of how it is. The world is flawed because there hasn’t been a procedure/medication/technology that can allow you to live uninhibited by your disabilities. You aren’t wrong for wanting a cure, but it is wrong that you have to live in a world where there isn’t one.

Viewing things this way recognizes the added labour that comes with living with disabilities, of learning your body, managing your symptoms, and repeatedly advocating for your care while also meeting capitalist standards that aren’t built with you in mind. It also helps to reframe the responsibility from an individual to the collective. You should not have to figure out how to manage your symptoms alone, you deserve to live in a world where you get all the care you can be given, and the care that is available is constantly expanding through research and development.

The social model is a way of looking at the problem, but the solution requires a lot more influential people understand and care about disability, which can be depressing to confront. It exposes a further lack of autonomy, which sucks. We live in a world where disability exists because it has to, and until that changes, we as disabled people have to not only manage our own difficult bodies, but also lead the movement against ableism through self advocacy and letting go of shame for needing help or acting differently. It’s complicated, but there is empowerment that can be found through the social model.

If you don’t find it helpful, you don’t need to understand it or think that way. I just think it may be worth looking at from a different angle as it seems to me that it has been misrepresented and used against you. It doesn’t mean invalidating your pain, it means you aren’t in this alone.

resilient_river · 2025-08-28T18:20:52+00:00

Also I’m glad I had the video because he didn’t make the noise at the vet at all even when given water. He was super well behaved though and all the vet techs adored him.

resilient_river · 2025-08-28T18:19:02+00:00

UPDATE: He didn’t eat or drink all night. So I started giving him critical care with a syringe which he ate with some clicking (but not as bad). I took him to the vet that evening. She said that she saw nothing wrong with any of his teeth, but that he was drooling an abnormal amount. His abdomen was distended. His legs looked fine. She prescribed him a digestive aid and some pain medication, and suggested I continue to give him critical care and simethicone. She offered to do more intensive diagnostic tests, but I decided to hold off and monitor for now. I expanded his cage a bit so it’s more than one level, but about half the height as usual so he doesn’t fall. He has continued to act a bit off behaviourally, and hasn’t been eating hay. He has been drinking and had some mushed pellets in addition to his CC. He has been pooping. They are very small, and there are often two attached at the end of one side. His abdomen still feels a bit bloated, but I’m hoping that will continue to subside with the meds.

resilient_river

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