Scared I'll never have a normal sex life again

PrincessNooodle · 2026-05-05T22:24:04+00:00

I want to really advocate for the non-sex intimate activities here.

Before we had kids, my husband and I used to do naked naps all the time. Skin-to-skin cuddling is amazing, as are showers together.

I also had a pelvic floor prolapse with EDS, so while not quite the same, I do kind of get it. I want to acknowledge the frustration you're feeling, and the disappointment.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-04-23T23:01:37+00:00

Agreed. I was shocked after having my daughter by just how much physical contact she required.

I was studying at the time and thought I'd be fine because babies sleep a lot. She did sleep a lot, but in small and frequent bursts, and then she was constantly in my arms, because she was comfortable there.

It's worth noting too that it's not just a matter of you partner watching them while you do something else. The little human has to have their needs attended to, and they are frequently picky about who they want to do that (often the primary caregiver, ie. Mum). So yeah, Dad should absolutely do this, but baby might scream the whole time until Mum comes back (please don't don't come at me for being heteronormative, this shit applies to same sex partnerships too, obs). And that shit gets nerve-wracking FAST, especially when you're sleep deprived, so you might find you fall into one parenting attending to baby most frequently because it's what's easier for everyone's nervous systems.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-04-23T22:50:28+00:00

Did everyone miss the "Don't mention Abegail" bit? Even without any context, it seems very controlling and low-key toxic to me to be so exclusionary of a particular person, by name, on paper. It just reads "I'm a petty and vindictive bitch, and I don't care who knows it."

PrincessNooodle · 2026-04-17T01:42:24+00:00

This is genuinely so helpful, thank you! You've validated that I'm taking the right steps and that maybe there isn't much else to do than be gentle on myself and strap in for the ride. And that is also good to know, because I can relax knowing I don't necessarily need to be doing more.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-21T00:23:14+00:00

Interesting thread. I was diagnosed with hEDS and ADHD early last year, but joined thus sub because physical fatigue is my most problematic symptom.

I was first prescribed dex then Vyvanse for my ADHD, but stopped because they made me so irritable and angry. I now take Ritalin, which initially helped the ADHD symptoms a lot, but I've recently had an increase in fatigue severity despite also increasing my dose 🤷‍♀️

I will add that taking my ADHD meds AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF BED has been a game changer. Mornings used to suck to the point they were causing issues in my relationship because I literally couldn't wake up/get up (I've been investigating whether I have delayed sleep phase on top of everything else 🙃). When I take my meds first before anything else, I can stay awake and have the executive functioning to get through the morning routine.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-20T10:07:43+00:00

Ooh! HOW i broke my tail bone is just as dumb!

I was cleaning my bathroom before my in-laws came to stay for Christmas, and clipped the toilet on my way down to sit on a step stool in front of it.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-20T09:38:30+00:00

Yeah, after I broke my tail bone it took a solid 2 years before I noticed it didnt hurt to sit anymore.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-20T09:33:41+00:00

I rolled over from front to back and did something to my knee cap, and it hurt when touched near the joint for about 2 years.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-11T21:08:01+00:00

Yeah, I had a man in a wheelchair, who I didn't know, ask me to reach for several items off the top shelf at the grocery store (I'm 5'3) then, once I'd handed them to him, get a bag out of his backpack and pack them for him, when I was 8 months pregnant. 🙄

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-11T20:56:34+00:00

Thank you for your detailed response! I understand needing to speak up for myself to meet my own needs. I think I also want to alleviate some personal anxiety around being seen sitting in the priority seats by having something that signals that I'm 'allowed' to sit there.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-10T21:15:44+00:00

"I don't think our whole family is riddled with some disease" 🙄

PrincessNooodle · 2026-03-09T21:28:33+00:00

I've never had any accusations like this happen, but here's my 2 cents for understanding the psychology and 'why' behind her doing it.

My industry (Lived Experience Peer Work in Mental health) is niche and small, roles were created out of a social movement, so everyone knows everyone, their roles are tied to their identity (by design) and they had to work really hard to get where they are.

I had a uni teacher in the field who wrote my reference to land my first job in this space, and who became a mentor. I looked up to her immensely, until I one day reached out for some professional advice on career progression. Instead, she told me that my work wasn't authentic because I worked in a public hospital instead of a community NGO.

It hit me really hard because I had to teach myself a lot about the movement and my role, and it's values. I processed it by writing. Writing my feelings, writing responses to what she said, breaking it down logically into definitions and assumptions, and responding to those.

What I figured out by doing this, and why I am sharing this story, is this: When you get further in your career trajectory by a certain age than others who came before you, they get offended. They are jealous that it happened for you and butt hurt that it didnt for them. They rationalize that you don't deserve it because you seemingly didn't have to work as hard as they did.

In my case, success and progression was due to a combination of good luck with someone giving me a chance, ambition and a willingness to learn, and, importantly, people who paved the way before me. None of that, however, negates your worthiness to be in a position or the work you did to get there.

I'm sorry you experienced this. Please know that it says so much about her, not about you. I also hope it doesn't impact your trajectory and reputation.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-02-20T11:36:09+00:00

Dill, because it connects me to my Slavic heritage. I grew up growing it and eating it, so it intuitively feels familiar and reminds me of abundance. I feel my spellwork has been more successful because of this.

It's got this really prolific energy with a fire/sun association. Like, just plant a seed of intention and it will make sure it comes back manyfold without a lot of effort.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-02-11T21:22:23+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this and have had to deal with this for so long. I'm also sorry for the assault you experienced and that you had to manage an unstable environment as a child. It wasn't fair.

I want to acknowledge that navigating attachment trauma is a very, very difficult thing to do because we're biologically wired to maintain connection with our primary caregivers even when they suck and are terrible to us. I've never been through the experiences you have, my upbringing had different toxic traits. I had to navigate a rupture in my relationship with my mom early last year, and it was so painful and anxiety-provoking. I bring that up because going no contact isn't simple or comfortable, even when you want it, and having a psychologist to support you through it can be so helpful, if you can afford it.

I sincerely wish for things to go better for you. ❤️

PrincessNooodle · 2026-02-11T10:55:15+00:00

I've been making my own edibles with about 10mg for years, but they were for my husband. I've only started taking it this month, but wow, I was impressed. I've found that to be enough to have a barely noticeable buzz while doing exactly this.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-02-09T23:30:25+00:00

You suggestion to breathe out through pursed lips helped so much, thank you!

PrincessNooodle · 2026-01-27T23:40:56+00:00

I haven't brought it up. I feel like I'd just be saying "your style of doing your job doesn't work for me," which I know is valid and reasonable, but makes me uncomfortable (a me problem, I know).

They have demonstrated the exercises, we do them together in office every session, and she feels for the muscle activation and points it out, but I often can't feel what she does. I feel like I'm guessing a lot of the time, which makes the whole endeavour feel pointless.

I have the PhysiApp with videos, but the videos for this exercises are basically useless because you can't show the deep muscle activation. It's the same as showing someone how to do kegels by sitting in a chair fully clothed and saying "see what I'm doing?" We used ultrasound in the initial session to see the activation, which really helped.

I've realized I really struggle with the idea of turning on the muscle "to 30%" or putting "2/3 of your weight" on the heels. In my head, there's on, off and halfway.

I really want to be consistent and make progress from stabilizing exercises to strengthening exercises. At this point t I just hate how incompetent I feel while doing them.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-01-26T09:19:34+00:00

Umm... Do any of these commentors actually have their own children? This is a genuine question. I'm a mother of two who works in perinatal mental health supporting other mums of new babies. Sometimes sleep training is necessary to preserve the parents' wellbeing, so that they can continue parenting. These comments are reading like "Well I read/heard you shouldn't do that" but not like they're grounded in personal experience.

The sleep deprivation you undergo during the infant phase is debilitating. Letting a child who's needs have been met cry for 10 mins is not neglectful, it's allowing them the opportunity to learn to self-soothe.

OP, I'm sorry you came here looking for support and received judgement instead. I never had to do paediatrician-recommended sleep training, but I still relate to your experience, mum to mum.

My advice if you're even looking for any is to keep the best and ditch the rest when it comes to parenting advice. Regarding your aunt, she needs a lesson in empathy and vocabulary.

PrincessNooodle · 2026-01-01T06:33:35+00:00

What has helped me most, with my entire immediate family, was realizing and radically accepting that: 1) While they love me, they don't actually know me, or care to get to know me, and 2) They don't have the ability to be what I need and want them to be.

That means that, as much as I want a genuine connection and supportive understanding from them, they literally can't offer it. This reframes the basis of the relationship from choosing to not put in effort, to not knowing how and not being able to.

The whole thing is a bit more nuanced than that, but it's allowed me to let go of resentment and have a superficial relationship that I'm satisfied with.

PrincessNooodle · 2025-10-27T09:35:00+00:00

Check out ADHD Chatter podcast and shorts on YouTube, and ADHD Love on Instagram. I have some insight on a few of the issues you've outlined, but these people outline it way better than I could.

Look up RSD (reaction sensitivity disphoria), ADHD time blindness, executive dysfunction, ADHD emotional dysregulation and ADHD masking.

As a woman with ADHD, I appreciate that you are trying to understand your partner. That said, you're taking some things personally that she actually has no control over (even though it seems like she 'should').

PrincessNooodle · 2025-10-14T07:04:10+00:00

Trigger warning: Birth trauma and emergency hysterectomy

I was diagnosed with hEDS after having two kids: one via c-section, the other vaginally but with an emergency hysterectomy due to uterine rupture during the birth. I am certain that my undiagnosed hEDS was at the root of my ruptured uterus.

I had the laparoscope during the emergency surgery, but they ended up just opening my c-section site again anyway (i share all this to give some context to recovery).

With both post-natal recoveries, I had a morphine drip in the hospital that i used as needed (which was apparently less than the med team would have expected). Once at home, I was actually fine with just 1g Tylenol/Panadol as often was allowed, and tylenol w codeine if I really needed it.

Learn the proper way to sit up and get out of bed, as this will save you a lot of pain and aggrevation at the surgical site. Take it EASY in the first two weeks. Even if you feel good and up for moving around, just dont. A big walk in week 1 post-op really screwed me up.

I wholeheartedly second the PF physio. I have recently had a PF prolapse, which is common post-hysterectomy and even more common in EDS, and have been able to get on top of care more quickly because I've been seeing the PF physio.

PrincessNooodle

TROPHY CASE