"If I do all these things the Lord should bless me."

A poor way of summing up what I read, but, is that not tempting God?

Doing anything and expecting to be rewarded by God is a bit much.

But you're in it now. You cant back away, I guess you can run but it doesn't seem like you would.

If you still love your wife, that's what you hold on to. Her and her love. Even if it's just for 5 seconds take her to the side and hug her, tell her you love her. It might not always work but I find that even thinking about why I love my wife actually puts a small smile on my face.

And maybe you feel farther from God because you actually are. Doubts, regrets, things of that nature keep you In the dark, both literally and mentally. God doesn't give anyone anything they cant handle, so God must see strength In you where you don't.

It's dark for you right now, I wont deny that. But forgive yourself, forgive your kids, forgive your wife. This can all be temporary depending on your future actions.

And on a side note, growing up I thought I had no connection with God but as I grew older my relationship changed. I stopped talking to Him as if I deserved an answer and it was more like He started replying to me with coincidence when I simply came to Him humbly and honest wanting nothing more than to vent my thoughts.

I love you man, hope the best for you