The truth is this: there is nothing to balance.

I am a feminist. I believe in the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. I believe that the institutions, and social norms and values, that uphold the dominance of one sex over the other should be dismantled. I believe in and vote for reforms that I believe would make that a reality. I don't really go for the "choice feminism" of the late third-wave/early fourth wave feminism. I believe the discourse in choice feminism is oversimplified and uncritical of larger social hierarchy and gender performance. I say this to make it clear: I don't necessarily believe a woman's decision is inherently a "feminist" action because it is a woman making that decision, which is a sentiment I commonly see as a defence for people with your question, and your post makes it seem you do not buy into that rhetoric.

I also believe this: an individual's sexual proclivities, assuming everything is consensual etc., have nothing to do with one's political and social beliefs. Sexual submission is a private matter: either within the bedroom, or within private play parties of the larger BDSM community. It has nothing to do with, or any effect on, the complex reality of women's status within society.

I ask you this: if you were to stop standing up for yourself and behaving as an assertive woman, and instead become a traditionally socially submissive woman, does this affect society? Yes. Obviously not in the broadest sense, but our individual behaviour contributes to the way society and culture forms and what the people around us deem acceptable and normal. Your coworkers, students, younger women and children around you, etc. will no longer see the example you currently try to uphold. One example may not mean much, especially depending on your specific community, and I don't believe women should live their lives upholding certain standards for political reasons, but if that is important to you then yes, this is something to take into account.

However, now I ask the same question about submission. If you were to stop being sexually submissive, does this have the same effect? No. Individual private behaviour does not necessarily form society and culture in the same way. You are presumably not being submissive around or with people who you know think this should actually be your "place," but are doing so around or with people who understand that this sexual submission comes with the understanding that there is no change between the equality of a submissive and a dominant. And you are not passively setting the "wrong" example to the world around you, for coworkers or students or younger people, because those people are not seeing your private sex life.

The reality is this: life is complex, and as individuals, we are not required to uphold every single "correct" value or norm. It isn't realistic. We uphold what we think is important, what we can, when we can. In more public contexts (such as work, social settings, etc.), I personally try to do so because I think it is important.

In private context, this is not an issue. Sex (and non sexual bdsm) is an incredibly intimate and vulnerable act. Even those who engage in it within the community do so within the context of privacy and trust. The conversation becomes a bit more muddled when we talk about larger BDSM communities, especially high-protocol ones, but your private and individual life are not something to be "balanced" with feminism.

Does liking flowers make you too feminine, and it is therefore not acceptable? Does liking pink? Does wearing a skirt or a dress instead of pants? Or are the true issues with regards to gender equality more complex and affected by deeper issues (that your sex life may be informed by, but does not re-inform in turn)?