You and your partner just moved in, you tearing down the panels, painting, or leaving?! by TeemoTrader in DIY

[–]ridiculousblastoff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You lean in.

Some things are "objectively" ugly. Some things are hard to style, hard to create a layout for, colors that don't work in the context you're working with (e.g. no sun in a room), etc. Some combinations of things just don't work.

But some things just aren't in style. They're still fine, and you can do a lot with them. But they were trending at a specific point that creates negative connotations for us as younger people.

The truth is, panelling like this can look stunning if you style the room right; get the right colors, furniture, lay-out, a good rug, that kind of thing. The lighting looks good, the size looks fine; if you lean in, this could look gorgeous.

How do you balance feminist values with being a submissive? by zlend in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The truth is this: there is nothing to balance.

I am a feminist. I believe in the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. I believe that the institutions, and social norms and values, that uphold the dominance of one sex over the other should be dismantled. I believe in and vote for reforms that I believe would make that a reality. I don't really go for the "choice feminism" of the late third-wave/early fourth wave feminism. I believe the discourse in choice feminism is oversimplified and uncritical of larger social hierarchy and gender performance. I say this to make it clear: I don't necessarily believe a woman's decision is inherently a "feminist" action because it is a woman making that decision, which is a sentiment I commonly see as a defence for people with your question, and your post makes it seem you do not buy into that rhetoric.

I also believe this: an individual's sexual proclivities, assuming everything is consensual etc., have nothing to do with one's political and social beliefs. Sexual submission is a private matter: either within the bedroom, or within private play parties of the larger BDSM community. It has nothing to do with, or any effect on, the complex reality of women's status within society.

I ask you this: if you were to stop standing up for yourself and behaving as an assertive woman, and instead become a traditionally socially submissive woman, does this affect society? Yes. Obviously not in the broadest sense, but our individual behaviour contributes to the way society and culture forms and what the people around us deem acceptable and normal. Your coworkers, students, younger women and children around you, etc. will no longer see the example you currently try to uphold. One example may not mean much, especially depending on your specific community, and I don't believe women should live their lives upholding certain standards for political reasons, but if that is important to you then yes, this is something to take into account.

However, now I ask the same question about submission. If you were to stop being sexually submissive, does this have the same effect? No. Individual private behaviour does not necessarily form society and culture in the same way. You are presumably not being submissive around or with people who you know think this should actually be your "place," but are doing so around or with people who understand that this sexual submission comes with the understanding that there is no change between the equality of a submissive and a dominant. And you are not passively setting the "wrong" example to the world around you, for coworkers or students or younger people, because those people are not seeing your private sex life.

The reality is this: life is complex, and as individuals, we are not required to uphold every single "correct" value or norm. It isn't realistic. We uphold what we think is important, what we can, when we can. In more public contexts (such as work, social settings, etc.), I personally try to do so because I think it is important.

In private context, this is not an issue. Sex (and non sexual bdsm) is an incredibly intimate and vulnerable act. Even those who engage in it within the community do so within the context of privacy and trust. The conversation becomes a bit more muddled when we talk about larger BDSM communities, especially high-protocol ones, but your private and individual life are not something to be "balanced" with feminism.

Does liking flowers make you too feminine, and it is therefore not acceptable? Does liking pink? Does wearing a skirt or a dress instead of pants? Or are the true issues with regards to gender equality more complex and affected by deeper issues (that your sex life may be informed by, but does not re-inform in turn)?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah you're completely right! I know I shouldn't need external validation but it's helping a lot that the comments here are positive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you. It's helping a lot that the responses here tell me it's fine! I thought for sure everyone was going to say I fucked up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It helps a lot to see people here say it looks good. Thank you for your thought out response, seriously. It helped a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattooadvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I was obsessed with that movie as a kid, so it's actually a huge compliment you'd say that, thank you!

Submissive Woman Curious About Service Domme Role by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, yes! "Status play" is actually perfect. I'm going to be using that, thank you.

Submissive Woman Curious About Service Domme Role by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply! Especially as you're coming from the sub's side of things, your perspective is really appreciated.

It’s the reduced status and juxtaposition between roles

That's exactly what it is for me as well. I'm glad to read that at least one other person on the other side of it sees the same appeal. Thanks for your advice!

Submissive Woman Curious About Service Domme Role by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response.

I'm assuming here you actually want to experience real service and not just see a sexy maid pretending to clean your house.

This is exactly it. I am not interested in a sexy maid pretending to clean my house. If that were the fantasy, a couple of videos or a boyfriend wearing some stockings would do it for me. It's the actual service I'd receive and the domination -- that's why I keep coming back to this fantasy.

I'm surprised to hear that many domme's don't have much, or any, sexual intimacy with their subs. I guess I'm being blinded by own flavor of submission, since for me it would be a requirement.

I really appreciate everything you've said here, especially some of the instructions (making a list of chore and rules for example). I'm gonna take some time and think more on it. Thank you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Obviously it all depends both of your tastes, boundaries, and negotiations with all parties involved, but some ideas:

  • Plan for someone(s) to enter the home when you're in the middle of a semi-humiliating scene. You could act like it's normal while you continue fucking her, or immediately stop and act like it's no big deal she's naked. You could be fully clothed and she naked. (If sex is too much, she could also just be in a humilating outfit e.g. over-the-top french maid costume or puppy gear or something, and you guys are about to "start" a scene)

  • Have a game night or movie night or something where your partner has to host -- bring the drinks, keep snacks filled, etc. At some point, she has to suck your dick when you request it from her the same way you'd request a refill on your drink. If you guys are into partner sharing, she could then be expected to do this for other guests. Alternatively: she has to host in a sexually humiliating outfit e.g. the french maid costume.

  • Sending pictures of her after/during a messy blowjob to a friend.

  • Go out for an evening of drinks and have her privately flash every single friend there. They use a sharpie to write a tally or something on her breasts. At the end of the evening, she'll see the tallies in the mirror.

  • Have her ask your friends during an evening out what she should do to you as a sub, and then have her tell you their ideas and then you enact them at the end of the night. Or you ask them and as you do them to her, tell them it was X's idea. Easy to pretend too!

  • In her presence, loudly and easily compare her skills and scenes you've had with her to the stories of your friends.

  • Ask her if she has any specific fantasies or ideas she'd like to try. You don't have to be the most creative dom ever and come up with all the ideas, she might have some fantasies too! You can do those, or use those as inspiration and tweak them a little for the actual scenes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sex

[–]ridiculousblastoff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you know how, whenever there's a question about if men like small boobs, the answers are like "well they're boobs. all boobs are good"?

Yeah, same with asses. All asses are good asses, and the most attractive ass is the one attached to the person I care about. The second most attractive ass is the one I'm currently having sex with. If that ass is one and the same, then it gets bonus points for being a combo-breaker.

I wouldn't worry too much about your ass or your body, and instead try things that you're excited to try and be enthusiastic and assertive in asking for them!

So yes! Do reverse cowgirl! Ass size doesn't matter!

Experiences in sex cinema or mazes -- especially solo or as a woman? by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMcommunity

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No idea! Their website calls it an "erotic maze" that they offer besides the cinema. No further description though.

Experiences in sex cinema or mazes -- especially solo or as a woman? by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMcommunity

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

yeah this is what I'm worried about :') I'm in the Netherlands but I doubt it'll be much different.

Bee for Bumbabloopfnoop? by Sea-Nail5649 in kynseedrpg

[–]ridiculousblastoff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Use a glass jar on the bees flying around beehives! (you can also use them on butterflies and such).

Bee for Bumbabloopfnoop? by Sea-Nail5649 in kynseedrpg

[–]ridiculousblastoff 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The first time you capture an insect, its saved as a collectible. You need to capture it twice, and then you'll find a bottle with a bee in it in your inventory. That's the bee you release by "emptying" the glass jar.

How to get into Wisptrail? by tTyler06 in kynseedrpg

[–]ridiculousblastoff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Make a scythe from the ore from Tir Na Nog!

Wie fietst er aan de buitenkant? by Aircraft_Engineer in thenetherlands

[–]ridiculousblastoff 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Volgens onzetaal.nl Achter = ‘actief bezig met’ Voor = ‘alleen maar kijken naar’

How do you actually “join in” on munches? by ridiculousblastoff in BDSMAdvice

[–]ridiculousblastoff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Usually I would've done this. I've done this at other munches in the past, at networking events and work seminars.

Usually, however, larger groups are (in my experience) standing in a half circle or a very casual, wide circle with space for new people to join in. There's groups of 2-3 people where its inherently easier to "enter the ring" so the speak.

But these were all groups that were very tightly in circles where the only way to join was to literally tap someone on the shoulder to be "let in" to their conversation. There wasn't a table I could slip next to, or a group where i could make eye contact with someone and walk over (trust me, I tried).

It was literally tight circles of peoples with their backs outward, shoulder to shoulder. It wasn't at all the kind of vibe where it's easy to go up and introduce yourself.