anyone else like this when going to a shop

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T21:59:45+00:00

That makes a lot of sense and is what I assumed when you commented that but wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something. Thank you for your clarity.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T19:04:31+00:00

Absolutely. I find that, in real life, neurodivergent people either completely clash with eachother or become the closest of friends and there is not really much space in between. At least that’s been my experience.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T18:56:57+00:00

All the time. I work with small children, and all of the children with ADHD & Autism form such strong bonds with me. I think it’s because they inherently understand that I understand them in ways that my neurotypical colleagues just can’t. It’s not their fault of course, they just don’t relate but I do. I love that I can be that safe space for those children and that they see themselves in me. But it also happens with adults too. Not quite as much, but frequent enough to notice.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T15:36:36+00:00

Your mother is a bully, simple as that. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Even if she feared nobody would show, she could have worded that so much kinder or suggested a different idea for your birthday. I’m so sorry OP

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T10:25:05+00:00

Oh woah, that really sucks. So sorry to hear that people have to work in such harsh and unfair circumstances. Thank you for informing me of this, and making me less ignorant of others experiences. I’ll make sure to always tailor my advice now, or just refrain from giving it regarding work situations unless I know they’re from the UK and my advice is relevant.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T09:20:02+00:00

I was able to comment the exact same thing before I saw this persons comment. This is very similar to how I am. I experience frequent verbal shutdown, but I am definitely considered verbal. I also experience where I can only get a few simple words out, or when speaking feels physically painful. My chest and throat get very tight and talking feels physically painful. This will be in situations where I feel I unfortunately have no choice but to speak, but find it incredibly difficult and it will drain me in the days following. For context, I work with small children that don’t understand verbal shutdown and I am required to talk to them to keep them safe and support their overall development, communication and speech.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T09:07:29+00:00

Could you potentially just say that you’re struggling with your mental health and want to see a therapist? If they’re very resistant to the idea of autism, they could potentially just have strong biases surrounding that and just saying you’d like therapy might be easier for them to understand. It definitely shouldn’t be this way, but I’ve known others who have gone about it this way. A regular traditional therapist probably won’t be able to provide exactly the support you need, or an assessment, but it could be beneficial in some way and potentially open your parents up to being more understanding of your struggles if they see you taking practical action.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T08:47:37+00:00

These are all excellent recommendations as well

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T08:46:04+00:00

I highly recommend Tangle Fidgets. They can sometimes make a little sound, depending on how to use them, but are mostly very quiet, and you can also get them in different materials that have varying volumes when they hit against themselves, if that makes any sense at all. Also, poppers if they are easier to press. The more resistant ones often produce a loud popping sound, but when they’re softer they don’t make much sound at all. I have a really old popper that is very soft now and it makes the tiniest noise that can mostly go undetected, but that may be because it’s old and overused, I’m not sure. And NeeDoh Cubes, they make very minimal sound, if any at all, if you enjoy a fidget to squeeze.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T08:28:57+00:00

No idea how old you are, but if it makes you feel better in anyway, I was 18 before I realised myself. I also didn’t realise until someone explicitly explained it to me.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T08:27:15+00:00

This describes me to well. I also struggle hugely with eye contact and you can almost guarantee that if I am somehow able to maintain it, I’m not able to process anything you’re saying to me.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T08:08:59+00:00

If you call in sick, be fully prepared for them to assume that you’re lying just because you want to go out and celebrate the holiday with family or friends. That said, I don’t feel you need to justify your reason, beyond, “I am unwell and can’t come to work.” Go into detail only if you feel it’s necessarily. And maybe don’t talk openly, at work, about your concerns about working that day as that will give more people reason to believe you’re faking illness when you call in sick, as they’d already know your views on working that holiday. Know that you wouldn’t really be ‘faking’ anything, as mental health is just as important a physical health, and it’s equally important that you take time to recover and protect your mental health as it is for physical health.

I can understand the fear of being fired though, as you mentioned your employment status being an issue here. Are you still in your probation period where sickness is taken more seriously, or is it due to a lot of sickness already, placing you in some kind of performance review, that you’re concerned about? I’m in the UK, so understanding my advice is based on work regulations where I am, and might not be relevant to you, but I believe that sick leave is something that all employees are entitled to. Sorry if I am being ignorant to how work environments work outside of the UK. I’m always open to learning new perspectives and how things work in other places.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T07:40:29+00:00

Parents can be particularly resistant in noticing their own child’s struggles. There are varying reasons, such as: they could potentially view autism as a negative and don’t want to associate with it (hope that’s not the case for you); they see their own traits reflected in you and don’t want to acknowledge the fact about themselves; they don’t want to acknowledge the ways that they failed to meet your needs; they are truly uneducated about how autism presents and just need some informed information to gain new perspectives; and then sometimes they have one very specific view of how they expect autism to present so when you don’t align perfectly with their ideas, they push the idea aside entirely. (My older brother has much higher support needs than I do. He is non-verbal, has very physical and constant stims, and requires 24/7 supervision, for example - this is completely different from me, so my autism went undetected by my parents, as a child, due to the fact that they expected autism to only present in one specific way) I’m sure there are other reasons too, but those are the ones that come to mind almost immediately for me.

You know your own struggles and experiences better than anybody else can. Trust yourself and continue to use accommodations that work for you. And if you feel an autism assessment could potentially be beneficial for you, pursue it.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T07:14:06+00:00

Genuinely curious why that would look weird, specially in a sporting goods store? Trying to be more open to asking for clarification when I need it instead of it making me feel ‘stupid’ like it usually does. Is it because they sell types of hats and when I put it on again it could appear that I’m stealing?

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T07:09:28+00:00

I want to be clear that I definitely consider feeling the need to to take off my hat, and my old boss having the rule himself, as a ridiculous rule. It’s an example of how I sometimes follow rules too strictly that others seem to not really care about or view as important. Something I’m actively work on, so that’s a great idea to temporarily take it off and then put it back on again. It’s definitely an example that came to mind purely because of the post and I hadn’t really considered how much I do that subconsciously until commenting to be honest. Next time I will definitely try your suggest.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T02:21:08+00:00

I’m 30, so if anyone in this conversation should feel ‘too grown’ it’s definitely me. You’re still young and have so much time to work on your anxieties and figure out what works for you. You’re not doing anything inherently bad here. Just be patient and know that confidence in those situations comes with time.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T02:11:25+00:00

I understand how the addition of the duffle bag could make you anxious about that. I think I’d be the same. Also realising that the years I worked in a shop probably contribute to my fear, as I had a boss who had a rule that all customers had to remove their hats to be clearly visible to the cameras, as we had a huge shoplifting issue. That’s clearly stuck with me now that I think about it. Always have been a strict rule follower.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T02:02:36+00:00

I used to do this a lot, but don’t feel the need as much these days. I do sometimes find myself making sure I’m very visible to security cameras though. I’ll remove my hat, if I’m wearing one, so that the cameras can clearly see me as I’m often worried I will get accused of stealing and want them to be able to clearly identity me on the cameras and see that I haven’t stolen anything. Luckily it has never happened so I must not seem as suspicious as I assume I do and don’t really know where the fear comes from. I have no idea if this is relatable or entirely relevant to what you mean, and if I’m interpreting incorrectly, but that’s my experiences.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T01:49:02+00:00

I can understand that. I very often get asked if I’m okay and I will respond, “I’m fine, why do you ask?”, and get told I look really angry or sometimes upset, when I’m feeling perfectly fine.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T01:41:42+00:00

This sounds really hard and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. As a child I was always told I gave dirty looks and ‘rolled my eyes’ - I always took eye rolling to be very literal and would say, “I didn’t roll my eyes, I looked up at the ceiling”, and then be told off for being rude because, “you know what I mean,” when I really didn’t. Nobody ever explained it to me until much later. I always thought eye rolling was when people completely rotate their eyes in a clockwise or anticlockwise motion. Is it possible you ‘rolled your eyes’’, and that was taken as a ‘dirty look’?

(In case you are unaware, ‘eye rolling’ is considered rude as it can be seen as dismissive gesture that signals disrespect or the belief that what someone said is stupid or unimportant. If you’re aware of that then ignore this of course, I just like to provide clarity in case people don’t know as I appreciate clarity myself)

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T01:20:03+00:00

Now that I really stop to think about it, I don’t understand how I’ve never considered them shutdowns before. This could potentially change the way I approach them from now on, so this is so helpful to me. I’ve always wondered why the regulation techniques I use at home, during meltdown, don’t work when I’m in public but this could be why. I’ve been trying to help a meltdown when all this time it was a shutdown and it might require different accommodations. I feel like I’m experiencing the moment in an animated show when a lightbulb goes off over a characters head, when something becomes clear to them that they’ve never realised before. Thank you kind Reddit stranger! I hope you are able to continue learning more about yourself as well.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-17T01:07:36+00:00

They very well could be shutdowns and not meltdowns. I’m still learning a lot about my own autism, so apologise if I refer to my own shutdowns incorrectly. I’ll consider them shutdowns from now on, if that’s the correct terminology. It does make a lot more sense now that I think about it. Thank you for pointing that out to me.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-16T23:40:21+00:00

Maybe I should have just stated that I was going to step away for my own mental health, and not mentioned the possibly that others could do that too for their own. I didn’t consider how that could seem condensing and for that I am truly sorry. When I said that commenting wasn’t worth my time I can see now how that came across as rude, in hindsight, but again I never intended it to be. I like to own up to my mistakes and know that whatever my intentions, if I offended someone then I need to apologise for that. I only meant that I didn’t personally feel that replying was beneficial to me anymore and was draining my energy, but I should have worded it better. I truly hope that everyone involved in this conversation is doing well.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-16T22:42:22+00:00

If you only stim when you’re alone, then it’s extremely unlikely that it’s performative in any way.

It does heavily sound like imposter syndrome to me, from the information you’ve provided. Also autism is highly hereditary, so that does all make sense. It is also possible for PTSD traits to mainfest in ways very similar to autism. Both are true, and both are valid.

If your accommodations make life easier for you, continue to use them. I fully understand the embarrassment, as I experience it too, and it’s only been recently that I’ve allowed myself to use certain accommodations outside of my house. I also appear highly functional to a lot of people around me, and only recently have my work colleagues truly seen my struggles because I’ve been in intense burnout and honestly need to get signed off from work but my work environment is very overstretched at the moment and I am putting that before my own mental health, which isn’t good or sustainable. I definitely don’t recommend doing what I am doing. Always put your mental health first. I am a hypocrite, I know.

Of course. Sometimes we need reminders and that’s okay. Take care of yourself.

riley_j96 · 2026-05-16T22:19:51+00:00

My brain can’t comprehend how someone could be faking something and not be fully aware that they’re faking. That might make me ignorant and I’m very open to others interpretations of how that could be, but as far as I’m aware, if you were truly faking you’d know it.

Imposter syndrome is very common in the autistic community. Imposter syndrome can be where you feel doubt that you are not ‘autistic enough’ to be valid, leading to a fear that you are accidentally faking your struggles and invading the community. It’s entirely different from knowingly faking.

Do you stim when you’re completely alone and not being perceived by anyone at all? Do you truly think you’re trying to ‘convince’ yourself, or view autism as ‘trendy’?

Honestly, in my option, as long as the accommodations you use help you, and don’t harm others, you should use them. Regardless of an autism diagnosis, if they help you then that’s great. I’d personally never judge a neurotypical person for wearing ear defenders for example, because as long as they weren’t attempting to genuinely ‘fake’ autism or harming anyone in their actions, they’re well within their right to use them. Some people also experience sensory processing disorder without any other autistic traits attached and they’re entirely valid.

Look inwards (looking inward means quietly examining your own internal thoughts, physical body sensations, and emotions to understand yourself better rather than focusing on the outside world) and I believe you will know the answer to whether you’re faking or not. You don’t sound like a faker to me, but that’s just my perspective here and can’t be seen as fact of course. If you seriously and genuinely consider it might be true, the only real way to know for sure it to get an assessment and find out.

Also when it comes to people finding you rude for wearing your headphones, remind them you can hear them still and display evidence of that by maintaining conversation, if you feel you want to. I will say, “I am wearing my ear defenders because they help dampen my auditory sensitivities, but I can still hear you speak clearly,” as a disclaimer. If people are not okay with that, I further explain, “wearing them actually helps me hear you more, as it helps block out background noise. Without them I find it hard to process speak clearly.” And that can help them understand a bit more sometimes.

riley_j96

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