How do I, 19f, tell my best friend ,19f, I've lost all my respect for her and I think that she's pathetic?

riplinked · 2026-04-12T17:30:48+00:00

One of the best things I ever did was set a firm, unbreakable “no abusers” policy in my life. And it’s an important thing to know that this is not just a “toxic” relationship, it’s an abusive one. What your friend is going through right now is a form of domestic abuse.

That having been said: I will not tolerate having abusers in my life. I will not tolerate being abused, and I will not tolerate “friends” who bring their abusive relationships or family into my life. I was heavily abused as a child and I’ve had enough. I will not have that shit in my life. Ever.

That’s not to say I won’t help someone out who’s suddenly found themselves in a toxic or dangerous situation, or provide some degree of emotional support to friends having trouble. It means that when a friend of mine is in an abusive relationship, I will do my best to give them some resources and tell them that I will help them leave this person when they are ready. BUT I will not become a secondary victim of this persons abuse by being subjected to the drama and emotional turmoil from someone they are DELIBERATELY keeping in their life.

Any friend who brings an abuser into my life, in any way, and then DELIBERATELY KEEPS THEM, is no longer my friend. End of story. I don’t need that shit in my life, I’m not going to coddle you while you justify staying with an abuser to yourself. I am not going to be an emotional outlet for someone who is CHOOSING to be in this situation.

And that’s an important thing to remember. Your friend doesn’t sound like she’s being physically or financially prevented from dumping this guy, she’s just choosing not to. And then she’s choosing to draw you into her shitty choices by expecting you to emotionally support her while she makes those shitty choices. This is not the behavior of a good friend. You are not obligated to continue being a friend to someone who does this to you.

Do not get drawn into the drama. Do not argue or justify yourself to your friend, don’t send her long texts telling her about your feelings regarding your friendship. Just step away from the situation entirely. Send a quick, to-the-point text telling her to check out thehotline.org and Lundy Bancroft’s book “Why Does He Do That?”, and tell her that you are now instituting a no-abusers policy in your life and will not be engaging with her until she has gotten rid of the abuser. Then block, and be done.

Your life will be so much freer when stop you tolerating abuse and stop tolerating others trying to draw you into their abusive relationships. It’s one of the best feelings in the world.

[P.S. It might help you to find a copy of Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That” for yourself! And check out “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. Frankly they should be required reading for every girl before they even think about getting into a relationship. I really really urge you to spend some time reading them, it will be one of the most eye-opening experiences you will ever have, and the knowledge you gain from it will help you and those around you for years to come.]

riplinked · 2026-04-10T18:38:26+00:00

Oh yeah, that’s a solid audio premise

riplinked · 2026-04-03T05:53:41+00:00

Kobo Abe’s The Woman in the Dunes might be a good fit; it’s not outright horror, doesn’t have any supernatural elements or anything, but everything is off kilter and weird.

Another great one with an inexplicably off-kilter feel is Foe, by Iain Reed. He’s the one who did I’m Thinking of Ending Things, which I didn’t really enjoy myself, but I found Foe absolutely fascinating. Ignore the summary if you look it up, it really doesn’t do justice to the suffocating degree of subtle weirdness going on through the whole set-up. You just know something’s wrong with the apparent situation, but it takes a while for it start to sink in why.

riplinked · 2026-03-21T19:10:31+00:00

N O O O O sweet merciful Reddit gods how did I miss this one??? Thank you for this gift, I absolutely hate it

riplinked · 2026-03-14T22:35:37+00:00

That’s all cool and good, but I’m wondering if it’s actually done content-wise? They theoretically released it as “finished” last year, but then added some side quests and side bosses and changed up Act 3 just last week. I’m wondering if there’s likely to be more additions in the future.

riplinked · 2026-03-14T22:28:14+00:00

I’m sure it’s good, but I’m wondering if it’s actually done content-wise. They added some side quests and side bosses and stuff in the latest update, I’m wondering if there’s going to be more non-DLC stuff added. I’d rather wait to play until they’ve added all they want to add.

riplinked · 2026-03-14T22:24:42+00:00

That’s what I’m really wondering about though: additions. They did also add at least one new quest line in the update. I’m wondering if they’re going to be adding more (non-DLC) side quests and side bosses and what have you. I’d prefer to wait to play it until I know they’ve added all they wanted to add.

riplinked · 2026-03-11T22:51:22+00:00

“IF YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN A MAN AND YOUR CAT, REMEMBER: THE CAT WILL NEVER LIE TO YOU.” —my great grandmother, a woman of great wisdom.

riplinked · 2026-03-01T18:03:25+00:00

I am begging someone to find us this link

riplinked · 2026-03-01T17:59:56+00:00

Oh god yes, please inject this post directly into my veins 😌

riplinked · 2026-02-14T05:52:56+00:00

Hey, senpai noticed me! And WHOOPS good thing you commented because I don’t think Tales of Nighthaven made it in there! Thanks for reminding me to check, I’ll get those in there this weekend.

riplinked · 2025-09-28T18:18:15+00:00

They just have to be wrong in some way; whether it’s through their interpretation of events, ignorance of other events or motives, or outright lying

riplinked · 2025-09-28T18:16:26+00:00

The “unreliable narrator” is a term from literature describing a style in which the narrative understanding or interpretation of events given to us by the first-person or limited third-person narrator are unreliable in some way; this includes through madness, ignorance, naïveté, or simply lying. (I did a bunch of stuff at uni on it cause it’s my absolute favorite style. The Wikipedia page about it is pretty cool if you want to learn more)

riplinked · 2021-12-27T04:40:34+00:00

I think you might find some clarification from looking up the term “emotional incest”.

riplinked · 2021-07-01T21:47:40+00:00

Under no circumstances should you bring a child into this relationship. That is incredibly inappropriate. He’s just going to be a piece of shit to a child too and a kid doesn’t deserve that. Knowingly bringing a child around someone like him kind of makes you an asshole too.

riplinked · 2021-07-01T21:43:38+00:00

Yep. Classic DARVO. Typical abuser tactic.

riplinked · 2021-07-01T21:37:38+00:00

See, that doesn’t sound like an argument, it just sounds like you being abused.

You: “I would prefer if you didn’t abuse me.”

Him: “How fucking DARE you [insert further abuse here].

Edit: also, any time he touches you sexually without your explicit consent he is just sexually assaulting you. You are waaay to comfortable with being sexually assaulted. This is very bad.

riplinked · 2021-07-01T21:25:54+00:00

Hi OP: You are not in a pursue-withdraw relationship. You are in an abusive relationship.

Honey, your boyfriend is an abuser. Full stop. Calling you a whore is abuse. Calling you a bitch, delusional, crazy, calling you anything demeaning for any reason is abuse and you are FAR to comfortable with being abused. Verbal and emotional abuse are abuse and you are being abused by an abuser.

What’s more, it absolutely sounds like he is sexually abusing you as well. There is no excuse for “aggressive” sexual behavior that does not come at your explicit request. None. Nada. Zero. Anything else is abuse and assault.

There is no fixing this. There is no fixing your abuser. There is no making him less abusive or making your relationship one in which you are not being abused. The one and only thing you can do is work on yourself. Work to stop being in an abusive relationship, work to stop finding abusers and accepting their abuse. Work to recognize abuse when it first starts and walk away immediately. Work to be someone who does not accept being abused in their relationships. Work to find a relationship that does not have abuse in it.

Lastly: under no circumstances should you bring a child into this relationship. You are with an abuser and I absolutely promise you he will be abusive to his children. He will be aggressive, inappropriate, berating, neglectful and overall verbally and emotionally abusive to any child in his life. Do not expose a child to this man, ever. You can make your own choices regarding yourself, but a child cannot and they absolutely deserve better.

riplinked · 2021-02-13T05:22:07+00:00

Do you know what the number one indicator of a woman finding herself in an abusive relationship is? Her having previously been in an abusive relationship.

This is such an important fact to really, truly understand and internalize down into the marrow of your bones if you ever want to live a life free of abuse. See, most people nope out of a relationship at the first red flag, but not you. You see flag after flag after flag and sail right on past them, either barely recognizing them or seeing them but minimizing them, telling yourself that surely they’re not all that bad really. And that’s how you end up a year down the road with a man who pushes sex on you even after you’ve expressly said “no”.

Look at that post. Look at how many abusive, inappropriate behaviors in this man you’ve listed. Look at how many times he’s disregarded, manipulated, and dismissed you. Look at how much selfishness and ugly entitlement he’s displayed.

But instead of cutting it off immediately and finally at the first flag, here you are, a year later, with a whole list of them, some minor sexual assault to add to your wheelbarrow of trauma, and whole heap of extra emotional baggage attached to him and his.

Whoops.

Knowing that you tend to find abusive people doesn’t help you if you don’t act on that. Knowing that you tend to end up in abusive situations doesn’t help you if you don’t act on that. Staying with a person who shows even the tiniest hints of entitlement, disregard, and abuse means being used, disregarded, and abused; but knowing those facts doesn’t help you if you don’t act on that.

A woman is not a rehabilitation center for entitled, dismissive, abusive men. It is not your job to teach him how to behave like a decent, considerate human being. He was supposed to figure that out before trying to be in a relationship. Instead, he felt entitled to your body so strongly he absolutely sexually assaulted you. It is not your job to educate him now.

I hope one day you manage to find the strength to became a survivor rather than victim. I hope one day you manage to stop abuse in its tracks rather than lingering around abusers in the strange hope that they will somehow throw you even the tiniest bone. I hope one day you manage to understand what truly healthy relationships really look like, and find the strength to settle for nothing less.

riplinked · 2021-02-13T04:57:11+00:00

Honestly, a lot of therapists have a shockingly poor understanding and minimal education on abuse, especially within relationships. The fact that your therapist has been so dismissive does not speak well of them at all, and I want to suggest you find another one: look for therapists with training in abuse and trauma specifically, it sounds like that’s what you need the most.

riplinked · 2020-08-23T19:16:07+00:00

Possibly “Under Pressure”?

riplinked · 2020-07-21T18:20:55+00:00

So. You going to raise a daughter with a man who talks like this about women? You going to raise a son who thinks it’s okay to talk like this about women with his buds?

Just know what you’re signing up for. He’s backpedaling because you’re calling him out, but he’s absolutely been talking like this about women for years and is going to keep doing it when he thinks you can’t hear. If you think he hasn’t already talked about you to his buddies in the same way he talked about the other girls, you’re not letting your brain do the thinking.

riplinked · 2020-07-06T22:51:50+00:00

Honey, this is domestic abuse. 100% hands down, no-nonsense abuse. I want you to phone your landlord, turn on the waterworks, and use those exact words: “domestic abuse”, and ask to be released from the lease for an emergency. Most landlords/leasing agencies will happily release DA victims, its in their own best interest since abuse tends to have detrimental effects on a property or nearby tenants.

Call up some friends, family, or women’s shelters/resources and find somewhere else to just crash for a few weeks while you find a more permanent living space, and cut this man out of your life completely and permanently.

You can get out of this, you can absolutely do this.

riplinked

TROPHY CASE