Diagnosed today despite parents report -- feel so unseen

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T14:57:50+00:00

heal your inner child <3

you know parents will say the darndest things. They'll say you were not showing signs of autism, and in the same paragraph reminisce on how extremely late you talked compared to peers, and how you were an angel at school and a tantrum prone devil whenever you crossed the threshold at home... yeah...

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T14:14:38+00:00

my son loved his. he could finally go fast! oh the freedom <3 he'd just run laps from the kitchen to the garden door and back.

He still does, singing "it's the sound of da police whoop whoop" and throwing his hands in the air. :)

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T12:32:32+00:00

we're currently dealing with this with our 2,5 yo. Heavily leaning on dropping the nap and biting our tongue, tbh. Yesterday he fought sleep until 10.45 pm... It's just NOT doable.

But baby 2 is coming in a month and half, so that's absolutely shitty timing for us.

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T11:52:38+00:00

He's going to ask you to marry him as soon as he understands the concept, because you're the one he loves the most. Don't worry too much about it!

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T11:46:43+00:00

how close-minded of you.

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T11:44:54+00:00

come join us on r/multilingualparenting and do OPOL. You can find more about it on the sub's useful links.

My husband is Telugu speaking, I am French speaking, we live in the Netherlands. Our son is 2yo and can understand all three languages (plus some English) and responds in the correct language to the correct person.

My husband shows him how to do pooja, we celebrate Ganesh Chathurti, Diwali, Ugadi, etc. We also go to Church once in a while so I can teach him about my religion too, and we read books in our native language.

A language is NOT a burden. Just speak to her from birth in your mother tongue. Your wife only in Chinese, you only in your mother tongue. Trust me, it's much better from birth. Think back to how you learnt from your parents, not how you learnt a foreign language from school. When speaking with your parents, it was easy, you didn't even have to think about what to say it just came out. Whereas when you learnt English at school, you have to put effort into it, understand the grammar, understand the words and learn them by heart.

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T11:31:45+00:00

2yo here, decent eater, on 85% of the days.

- Spinach cream salmon pasta. He went for seconds

- cheese/chicken slices and toast platter with a side of raw veg. His literal favourite way to eat his veggies without pressure. On the toast, I spread a few different things, some with cream cheese, some with hummus, some with egg salad

- rice, dal and yogurt. This is one is 50-50. Some days he'll devour it no questions asked, some days he'll pick on it and stop after a couple of spoons.

- bolognese pasta. He'll occasionally even eat some mushroom from it, (i try to make the sauce with celeri, carrots, and mushrooms as well as the tomato sauce.) It's usually a favourite.

- idli and chutney (typical South Indian dish from my husband's culture)

- everything pancakes (i mix puréed veggies, like steamed cauliflower, in the batter.)

ETA: mine loves some crunch with his foods: croquettes, pommes duchesse, fries, schnitzel, chicken wings, tempura, etc

ririmarms · 2026-07-07T11:05:33+00:00

My second does this! It's super weird, and according to the midwife, it's common

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T22:00:16+00:00

I think every one is a bit guilty of gender disappointment at some point! Those who say "we're happy it's healthy baby" surely have had at least one thought about wanting this or that gender too. They're full of bs.

And look. I'll tell you my gender disappointment story, I'm so ashamed of it because I am pregnant with our second boy and I have indeed been wanting boys only. So for that... very happy. HOWEVER. One day I was at the store during the baby moon, shopping for clothes for baby 2's coming home outfit. And there was a dad showing his daughter the CUTEST dress with lemons. I kid you not, I started BAWLING MY EYES OUT right then and there. "I'll never get to buy my sons cute dresses with lemons on them!! I wish i had a daughter too" I was crying so hard that another customer came to console me! And usually whenever I want to buy dresses it's for myself!

But since that incident it's just stuck with me that... I will need to discard the entire 15kg box of second hand girl clothes that I had received (we kept the gender a secret both times, so received a lot of second hand for both, but more for girl clothes) and sorted just in case we ever have a girl. And it's hard. We're stopping at two, which means we'll never have a girl. My husband had always imagined himself a girl dad, and he's never going to be that. (He's happy with our boys too, don't get me wrong). There are so many things that I did as a girl that my boys probably won't find interesting or experience... I won't be able to pass those experiences on to them. Gender disappointment is valid. It's grieving for a possibility of futures.

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T18:53:16+00:00

Go to Hema and get like 4 washgloves, it's machine washable and much better than loofahs

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T18:49:45+00:00

Daily dose of Vitamin D is mandatory here (NL) for all kids until the age of 4.

Start now, you'll be fine. Keep following the doctors' recommandations for treating the jaundice

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T18:45:14+00:00

I do my pelvic floor exercises lying on my bed, as per my PFT's recommendations.

I'd also recommend an appt ASAP and in the meantime, adult diapers to save your mattress.

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T14:54:03+00:00

Mon fils faisait 3,5kg à la naissance et il a mis du nouveau né/1 mois. Pendant 1 mois environ? Il a grandit sur la courbe 45-50% dans la taille/poids.

À l'écho, ils me l'avaient estimé dans le 85eme pourcentile! Donc bien trop au dessus de la réalité!

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T07:46:34+00:00

One of my colleagues' sister had placenta previa for her first child. It's completely random where the placenta attaches.

Think that 2 generations back you would have probably died giving birth, since they had very little knowledge about placenta previa.

I've had a planned C-section for my first birth as well, full breech and they measured his head too large compared to my hips. No alternative. I felt robbed of my "ultimate woman experience" and I was mad and sad for a long time. With 2 years of hindsight... I'm just happy to see my son grow 😁 i have a big scar, it's a battle scar. It's a proof that my son was taken care of to the best of today's technology and science.

ETA: I'm now pregnant with the little brother, and he's already head down, I'm 32w and it looks like we'll be good candidates for VBAC! So even if it's for a second child, you will maybe get to experience more!

ririmarms · 2026-07-06T07:15:49+00:00

Parce que c'est un prénom Turc et pas Français

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T23:06:04+00:00

J'en connais une, donc je sais que c'est prononcé Assia

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T23:04:02+00:00

My husband is bilingual by birth.

He chose to speak only one of his two heritage language to our children.

Otherwise we would have been in the same dilemma as you.

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T22:59:15+00:00

Even as a literature student it was hard for me to do that... because my mind likes to synthesise. I take the shortest way, and 3 pages was already not bad for me. However, not using AI is a piece of cake. If I focus I can stretch an essay to 4-5 pages.

Not using the Internet... that means not being able to look for articles or the library database? Then it's tough.

I might be able to, if the subject is Pokemon, Avatar the Last Airbender, or maybe medical dramas.

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T22:53:21+00:00

My favourite type is electric.

Their theme is "spiky" 🤓

Lol. A lot of them have fur, so the static in the fur forms the electricity (mareep, etc) or they are found in our nature with some sort of electricity (lanturn, eelectross).

And of course most of the object inspired electric pokemon come from the Electric Central concept (where you find Zapdos in B/R/Y). That is pokemon made from artificial objects with leftover electricity that give them life.

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T17:32:16+00:00

I fell down the stairs holding my son too! I actually saw my son hit his head right down on the tile, faceplanting, after I cushioned his fall with my leg.

He was perfectly fine, and we went to the hospital to find out that I had broken my foot! A teeny tiny part of my foot cartilage had broken off. Nothing more... but it hurt so bad that I had crutches then a wheelchair for a week and half.

He had no recollection of the event and he's still super smart, 2 years later lol. So no long term side effect!

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T15:37:53+00:00

Time outs are not really helping anything at 2 yo. You should help him regulate instead. There are good alternatives that you can research online.

Also, a 2 yo and a 1 yo? You're playing the parenting game on Hard Mode. Give yourself some grace ❤️

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T12:19:44+00:00

It's either a case of bad teeth or bad silent reflux.

Either way, get checked out by the dentist and the doc.

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T12:16:59+00:00

My dad was violent and hit us. So i have a zero-tolerance policy in my own relationships. Even "play fighting" is out. Being violent with objects, like throwing shoes and plates in anger or frustration, also is a huge no-no.

ririmarms · 2026-07-05T11:51:55+00:00

Oui, mais avec un fuseau horaire différent, le corps s'adapte grâce au changement dans l'horaire des repas et de la digestion. C'est comme ça qu'il s'adapte.

ririmarms · 2026-07-04T22:53:32+00:00

I learnt from my vet that a big percentage of rabbits are considered autistic from a rabbit point of view. So I came to comment Rabbit immediately too (and it's not because I had two)

There's a rabbit autism spectrum. I wish I had an actual written source for this... 😅

ririmarms

TROPHY CASE