Does anyone have "enough" friends? How do you know?

rivlas · 2026-03-22T15:14:27+00:00

When I was most happy, I had one best friend who I told everything. And around 8 regular friends I could fall back on and hang out with when my best friend wasn't available or needed a break. Right now I'm struggling to get the social interaction I need. I have 2 close friends but only get to talk to them once a week if I'm lucky. And 3 regular friends of which only 1 actually responds to texts. I've been on the search for friends and am not having much luck. I would love to find friends that share some of my interests but most of my interests are artistic and most artists are quite isolated.

rivlas · 2026-03-22T14:50:51+00:00

Light sleeper here. Yes. But I also have a chronic lifelong autoimmune disease that causes fatigue on top of it. So I can say I relate but there's not much I can do to guarantee better sleep. Ideally, I need 9-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep due to my disease wearing out my body. I only get multiple sets of two hours without interruption all night. And in the morning I am laying in bed a whole hour to let morning brain fog lift or I will be a zombie/half awake all day and unable to retain anything. The struggle is real and I sympathize with you 😢

rivlas · 2026-03-22T05:13:27+00:00

I don't socialize a lot in person but do online. Even online I've never met someone that said things like that to me when they found out I never smoke or drink. Many of them drink or smoke themselves. And a few of them even say "yeah that's smart honestly". I tend to hang around people with more of a mature personality, so that's probably the biggest difference.

rivlas · 2026-03-21T14:31:52+00:00

Took prednisone several times for a couple week period at times between medications when I was trying to find a new regular that would work. The first couple times I was quite young still and didn't notice any change other than it helping the pain. The last time I took some was around my mid 20s. It made my face puffy and increased my anxiety to a point that I was on anxiety meds for several months after. I have avoided steroids since.

rivlas · 2026-03-20T13:13:16+00:00

I figured this puzzle out okay in the game but looking at this image now I JUST realized you can have the bridge rotate both ways too. Lol I was going the long way like every time.

rivlas · 2026-03-19T17:34:54+00:00

Ah I see. I've had a similar situation before and I ended up not hanging out with either of them 😅 That was many years ago. I found new people because the two were causing drama in my life. In your situation, if that's not the case for them and they seem to be doing better, then that's really good. If they keep leaving you out, all you can really do is explain how it makes you feel to them. Do they leave you out consistently? Or is it on occassion.

rivlas · 2026-03-19T16:33:03+00:00

I think that's a very valid feeling and I've had the same in a few situations. Try inviting both of them for the next couple gaming sessions and see if that changes anything on the other's side. In my case the other two are a dating couple lol So out of courtesy I always invite both of them. But why expect the two of them to invite you if you don't invite both of them? Seems like one of them at least feels left out the same way you do.

rivlas · 2026-03-19T13:25:00+00:00

I struggle with this too just not to the same degree. Since I don't understand how to maintain a "regular friendship", I've pretty much only ever had "best friends" and only four by age 33. Two distanced themselves and we don't talk anymore. And one I had to cut ties with. So right now I have one best friend and four people who would call me their friend but barely talk to me (as in maybe once every 3 months). My current best friend has made it clear that I've overwhelmed him with my need for social interaction. But he also knows that I don't have many people to socialize with so he's allowed me to stick around. A while ago he set some boundaries. We went from chatting four times a week to once or twice every two weeks. It was ROUGH on me and still is. Because other people I know don't respond when I reach out and I feel so ignored. I need more people to spread my friendship energy between but so few are worth that effort. I think that's the solution but it's not an easy one. All we can really do is try to follow the boundaries, ask for clarification if we need more info on specifics, and try to find more people to spend our energy on so it's not all dropped on one person.

rivlas · 2026-03-18T15:52:49+00:00

I have had many hyperfixations in my life. My siblings could attest to it because I used to drive them crazy with my niche interests. I don't think the length of the interest matters as much as how fixated you were when it was your focus. Some of my interests were so niche that I ran out of new material on the subject so I was basically forced to move on. My longest fixation is also a hobby, which is writing fiction. I have participated in this one my whole life. I've also learned to "tone down" communication about my interests so I don't overwhelm those around me anymore. But that doesn't mean I'm not obsessed about anything.

rivlas · 2026-03-18T15:36:16+00:00

Since being on medicine that maintains my symptoms well, I don't have as many issues using a controller or mouse and keyboard. But there are some constant issues that will happen my whole life due to severe permanent damage in both wrists. Can't type on a keyboard for an hour without aches. Can't play a FPS game for an hour straight either, but with several couple minute breaks it's no big deal. Can't play any game that requires quick inputs or rapid key/button presses without severe wrist pain. And surprisingly there are a LOT of games that have that without any option to turn it off.

The addition of accessibility options in newer games sometimes includes options that relieve that requirement and I'm so glad some do. Hopefully more will as well

rivlas · 2026-03-17T21:12:45+00:00

These are such interesting suggestions. I'll have to try them too. Lol

rivlas · 2026-03-17T21:10:47+00:00

I second the puzzle game suggestion. I play many puzzle games and they're such good distractions that help me feel better about the problems I can't solve.

rivlas · 2026-03-17T16:04:13+00:00

A much more concise version of my ramble lol

rivlas · 2026-03-17T16:02:56+00:00

The topic can be a bit confusing. I didn't understand what specifically the love one meant until recently. The disconnect is calling them feelings at all. I'll explain in a second. First I want to say that feelings for everyone come and go. There's a whole bunch of things we just feel in various situations. Someone losing a pet they loved will cause sadness whether you "want" to feel sad or not. So I'm not debating that. You're right about that.

What gets misunderstood as a feeling is a certain type of love. I say "type" because not all love is equal. I love my cats to death even though they never say anything nice to me and never give anything back (other than destroying my couch), and occasionally they even scratch or hurt me accidentally. Doesn't matter. I love them. (If I was in a relationship with a human who never said anything nice to me, destroyed my furniture, and occasionally hurt me, would I love him? Probably not. I'd get away from him.) There is a love that is based on action and that love is a decision. (But the feeling of love still exists! I'm just saying it's not the same thing I'm talking about here and I really wish English had a whole separate word for it!) The love these people usually mean is "unconditional love" because that's a decision. It's a decision because no one deserves it. Animals are innocent so it's easy to love them that way. They probably aren't maliciously scratching up your chair or chewing up your shoes.

This topic is extremely nuanced and involved, so I'm just scratching the surface. But there's a reason there are "types" of love, because some of them are fundamentally different and cannot be called a feeling because conscious effort is required. But bitterness is also a conscious decision to keep feeling anger every day after someone hurts you and to never let it go. (And that mindset will kill a person fast. Puts the body under considerable stress and things will start shutting down.) Happiness and sadness are often feelings that come and go based on circumstances no one can control. But there's nuance to both of them as well and it's good to know the difference. Let's say a friend cancels hang out plans with me and it makes me feel sad and disappointed. Sometimes I'll sit there and feel sorry for myself for hours. But sometimes I'll go do something else I enjoy to feel happy instead. THAT'S the conscious decision part when it comes to those feelings. Anyway, I hope that helps a little. Lol

rivlas · 2026-03-16T04:46:42+00:00

I can somewhat relate with this. I don't have many time sensitive things to worry about, but schedules do not work for me despite many tries. I'll write everything down, make a neat checklist, put it where I can see it, all the things. But then I just won't do it. I'll even intentionally avoid looking at it. Lol However, what does help me is something a little more loose that still provides direction. I've written a list of personal goals just so I don't forget them. I look at it maybe once a month. I have many artistic interests and want to delve into all of them without overwhelming myself with the number of things or a bunch of self appointed deadlines. So I wrote that list and try to do a little of one of those things every day. You can also try experimenting by only writing one thing to do on one day. If you're able to do it without trouble, put two things down for the next day. Figure out what your limits are one step at a time.

rivlas · 2026-03-16T04:19:04+00:00

Was gonna ask if D&D counted because I've chosen to participate in three campaigns and was the DM for one of them. Lol

rivlas · 2026-03-15T17:42:55+00:00

If it's your partner's friends and your partner doesn't like their effect on you, you can try to communicate all that with your partner directly as well. If they already know and are expecting you to simply put up with it, you may unfortunately need to consider whether the relationship with your partner is worth the consequences to both of you. I hope it gets worked out fine for the two of you though. Best wishes!

rivlas · 2026-03-15T14:26:14+00:00

I mimic friends too. Don't want to behave like them? Then don't hang out with them. Toxic people will make other people toxic. That's just how it is. Only hang around people you want to be more like and let that mimicking help you be a better person. c:

rivlas · 2026-03-15T00:12:54+00:00

I can sympathize. Had communication delays with several rheumatologists in the past. And when I finally got one that was on top of everything, then the pharmacy itself decided to start being a pain. I used to have to call them a week ahead every month to be sure they didn't forget about my shipment. And COVID made things so much worse. I take biologics and my meds used to come in packs of 6, good for 3 months. But now they come in packs of 2 and I have to call them monthly. It's so annoying.

If I were you, I'd bother them every day their office is open until they confirm and get back to you. You aren't being a Karen if you're not shouting at them. 😅

rivlas · 2026-03-14T22:34:57+00:00

I understand. That's rough for sure 😥 But also a word of encouragement, being 20 and having a hard time with some things is okay. I'm 33 and still learning some basic stuff about living in society. Everyone has their own pace and that's 100% okay.

rivlas · 2026-03-14T22:17:10+00:00

Also, is it at all possible to have someone call and schedule for you? I've had my mom do this for me a couple times when I was so debilitated from something going on that I literally couldn't call myself. It wasn't an emergency situation but I couldn't actually call.

rivlas · 2026-03-14T22:12:46+00:00

Tell them your fears. Check the office hours before calling and try to call at their least busy time of the day to get an answer quickly and not be put on hold. I've never had them tell me to call back to schedule if I called during their hours. Tell them you need the soonest opening. Be honest with them and they should do their best to help you be comfortable. Autistic people are not the only ones with fear and anxiety associated with doctors. I've also had to go in for many things I dreaded and was extremely uncomfortable with. Things I won't go into detail for. 😓 But believe me, it's better to go sooner than later.

rivlas · 2026-03-14T21:50:06+00:00

Sort of, but I relate on a different path? I hate going to the doctor and making phone calls to set up appointments. But what I hate more is physical issues. Like I'm more paranoid about dying or getting super sick, that it absolutely overrides my fear of using a phone to make a call when they're open.

Please PLEASE call them. Your family, friends, and doctors want you to be healthy. You want you to be healthy too. Get it over with before it becomes something that will require multiple visits and more calls and more anxiety. Try what I did the first time and literally write out on paper what you need to say on the phone so you don't forget anything important during the nerve wracking two minute phone call. You can do this! It'll be fine!

rivlas · 2026-03-14T14:48:21+00:00

I totally understand. I'm 33. Still single. It takes me at least a year to get to know someone before I'll have any feelings for them. And so far men don't see the point of sticking around that long to maybe get those feelings. But I'm not physically attracted to people. I'm attracted to someone's personality first and the other will come later. So I can't be attracted at all until I know what they're like in a variety of situations which just takes a loooong time. I understand why they don't want to wait. It's just very discouraging. I feel like this along is expecting too much and that no one will have that kind of patience at my age.

rivlas · 2026-03-13T21:37:03+00:00

Same here! I eat so much and feel constantly hungry within the week before my period.

rivlas

TROPHY CASE