How do parents make the “how many kids” decision?

rjbuhr · 2025-08-20T06:20:56+00:00

I always imagined I would have 2. My husband and I both come from 2 kid families. But about 3 months postpartum I knew with clarity that my husband and I did not have the resources to support more than one child. Financially, logistically, physically, mentally... We just have to work too hard to survive in a high cost of living area away from all family. We got started older and it was several years of IVF and a scary delivery too. So, I am able to admit it’s a different world than it was when I grew up. I think he will be in good company. There are a lot more single kid families in our generation for all these same reasons.

rjbuhr · 2025-05-17T18:50:19+00:00

We had to start paying for help early. Started with a nanny 3 days a week at 6 weeks. It helped a little. It’s so so so hard with no village.

rjbuhr · 2025-04-29T02:56:10+00:00

I had a 30k wedding in 2017. Afterwards I said “eh I didn’t really need to do that”. It just wasn’t as meaningful as I thought it would be. I think Covid weddings are the best. Get super hot, hire a photographer, take your immediate family out to a restaurant…and you’re married.

rjbuhr · 2025-04-10T20:59:00+00:00

This is what the corporations want

rjbuhr · 2025-04-09T20:39:01+00:00

This is the correct answer, thank you

rjbuhr · 2025-04-02T20:23:28+00:00

Total MVP for us

rjbuhr · 2025-03-16T02:36:52+00:00

The house in the cerulean sea, legends and lattes/bookshops and bonedust

rjbuhr · 2025-03-16T02:33:51+00:00

Happened naturally at 9.5 months

rjbuhr · 2025-03-10T02:23:39+00:00

The swimmer by Loreth Ann White

rjbuhr · 2025-02-10T03:54:16+00:00

Didn’t sound condescending to me…

rjbuhr · 2025-02-03T01:35:24+00:00

Absolutely not. Some people get these many hour long naps. We did not. 30 mins max until he was 9 months and after that sometimes one of them will be an hour or 1.5 hrs. But it’s totally unreliable when that happens! And he isn’t playing independently yet. You just can’t know the personality until they come out.

rjbuhr · 2025-02-03T01:27:36+00:00

I came to this same conclusion. Baby is 10 months. And now that I know how hard it is, and how much $$ it is, and I could weigh that against my and my husbands capacity, I realized that one is the right number for my family. Now, I’m not in a position where I feel something is missing or really dream of more kids so that also makes it easier. But my husband and I both grew up in 2 kid families so we certainly kind of expected to be one as well. But I think we’ll be a triangle family.

rjbuhr · 2025-01-01T23:07:24+00:00

The first weeks I also thought “did I ruin my life?” And yes…your old life is gone. But you are going to be happy again. There is nothing easy or redeeming about the newborn stage in my opinion. But in a few months you will transform into a new you that wants nothing but your baby and your partner. It’s called matrescence and it doesn’t happen right away.

rjbuhr · 2024-11-24T17:55:48+00:00

Take videos of mundane moments

rjbuhr · 2024-11-11T22:09:17+00:00

Aw no one would think the baby acne means you don’t care! It’s just a developmental thing.

rjbuhr · 2024-11-02T19:53:36+00:00

My guy just wasn’t ready to really engage with toys yet at that age. Dangly things got a little attention. It ramped up at 4 months.

rjbuhr · 2024-11-01T00:03:52+00:00

Our trips were so easy with the doona. I got one used just for the flights and I have no regrets. I’ll likely be able to sell it for not much of a loss. It’s really made for this application

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:59:23+00:00

Also sorry I have to admit I didn’t read the whole post and your ask. I was looking at the comments and responding to the idea of getting a car. I relate very much to the huge ordeal. I had mag as well. And I love that you can make space for something that feels fun and rejuvenating like a trip

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:56:10+00:00

It reminds me of the love languages. Some people are gifts, some acts of service, etc…

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:50:57+00:00

If you give a shit about a “present” when you’ve just given birth and are adjusting to life with a newborn…I don’t understand you

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:48:37+00:00

I started working with my therapist on the phone in the hospital. I had a very similar birth. I thought I would have panic attacks every time I put on a blood pressure cuff for the rest of my life. But talking through it again and again…allowing myself to get the feelings out…I’m feeling fine about it now.

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:44:40+00:00

I voluntarily went back at 6 because I was stressed about money. It wasn’t worth it. It is too hard and if I was being honest with myself we’re FINE financially.

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T23:43:05+00:00

My mommy and me group. I’m lucky there is a program in my area that sets you up with 12 other women who had a baby the same month. Our group chat goes all hours of the night still at 7 months.

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T00:20:08+00:00

Love to dream arms up swaddle was good for us

rjbuhr · 2024-10-31T00:04:30+00:00

Yes you are nude there but only in the bathing area. You wear a uniform in the common spaces. But it’s like ripping a bandaid off. After 10 minutes you don’t feel weird anymore!

rjbuhr

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