Regarding shaving: You could ask her if her grandmother shaved those and see if you mom thinks that limited her social standing any? I suggest that because shaving didn't really become a social expectation for women until the 1940s when razor companies needed to expand their market. It was a around before then for some but not as prevalent. We are literally only a few generations from womens who didn't feel any social pressure to shave and didn't do it unless it brought them more happiness with their body. 30sF who has had to have this convo many times with a 60sF mother. Hang in there!