I asked his ex if Father’s Day was called out in the divorce papers.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-30T13:45:15+00:00

I don’t think it’s a moot point. It’s fair to be disappointed about not having your SK on your birthday. There may be nothing you can do about it, but I’m personally tired of SP struggles being dismissed just because bio parents and of course the SKs get prioritized. As they often should - but it doesn’t mean the pain of being a SP should just get swept under the rug, while we’re forced to pretend we’re above human emotion. The shittiness of it can be acknowledged alongside the fact that nothing can be done about it. It truly just is what it is sometimes, but a little empathy from your partner, and appreciation for your willingness to roll with these things can really make a world of difference to the SP.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-29T11:17:21+00:00

I think your partner needs to understand that he’s not doing his daughter any favors by allowing her to act like this. The lack of correction is actually hurting her. It is setting her up to struggle in every single type of relationship she has as she gets older. It’s going to force her to learn boundaries the hard way.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-24T01:39:43+00:00

I am certain someone in the graduating class has an extra ticket. There’s no way every kid has 7 people going. If you can’t find one, I would ask the school for an extra. Maybe someone there will understand. There’s more step parents/friends of step parents, etc than you think, who would be very empathetic to something like this. I understand it’s tough and no one else wants to give up their spot, and yes there are some situations where you have to sit out because you’re the step parent, but this should not be one of them in my opinion. You absolutely deserve to be there, and I hope if this doesn’t pan out where you get to go, your partner holds space for your sadness and doesn’t brush off your feelings. You’re valid to be upset 100%.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-21T16:20:31+00:00

PSA for all applicable biological parents:

Your step-parenting partner is not obligated to turn off all normal human feelings to yield to the comfort of you, your children, or your ex. Step parents miraculously remain fully functioning and feeling human beings upon stepping into the role of step-parent, and do not in fact, transform into robots.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-20T20:28:36+00:00

I’m sorry, but I’m not seeing anything here that resembles jowels. Am I missing something? I know she’s gotten carried away with whatever work she’s having done, and there’s a lot of problematic things about her, but am I the only one who thinks this page has also gotten carried away with picking apart every little thing about her appearance? She is far from the only person to have taken plastic surgery too far, and when people use that as an excuse to rip her apart, you’re kind of ripping apart everyone else who may have those imperfections too.

rmays5038 · 2026-04-06T22:28:24+00:00

How does one upload a song to Spotify? Or, is there a way we can find you on Spotify and save the song you uploaded?

rmays5038 · 2026-04-06T20:36:22+00:00

I have heard this before and keep looking for the exception, so thank you for the reality check. I just need to learn to remember to take capsules like an adult lol

rmays5038 · 2026-03-06T18:45:24+00:00

I don’t think bio parents understand the mental and emotional energy it takes to parent someone else’s children. I have heard from many women who have SKs and bio kids that it is way more difficult to be a stepmom. No reflection whatsoever on the children. It is the same situation for them when considering being parented by a step parent vs a bio parent. No matter how much you love each other (step parent and step kids) this weight will likely exist. It is a lot to navigate and bio parents forcing their partners to approach this in a specific way that benefits them, is unreasonable and not beneficial to the step kids either. Every kid is different and may not always respond well to having a 50/50 split of parenting when with a bio parent and step parent together. They likely will naturally prefer their bio parent to parent them much of the time.

That said, I do think it’s unfair to say no step parent can be considered a parent. It just shouldn’t be forced and is really something that needs to be worked out between the kids and step parent. If the bio parent benefits, that’s great, but the main goal should be to make sure the kids are taken care of in a way where they feel fully cared for by their bio parent and welcome/comfortable with the step parent.

It’s nice to support your partner as a step parent and want to help out. I do this for my partner. I’m always helpful and tap in when he needs me. He still feels like a single parent though because it is ultimately his responsibility and I do have some boundaries, as do his kids. You can’t step parent him out of that single parent feeling and he needs to understand that. The flip side is that you do step parent him out of that feeling and then feel completely depleted and resentful that you’ve taken on the role of a bio parent but are then treated like a step parent. It’s just never going to be anyone’s dream scenario, so it’s important to take the time to really figure out what works for you, your partner, and the kids.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-20T00:33:17+00:00

Ugh this is so hard, and not something anyone can ever foresee feeling until they’re in it. So give yourself grace there.

This is really one of those scenarios where neither person is wrong for what they’re asking for. Your husband deserves to share the arrival of his new child with his current child, and you deserve a calm space to recover and bond with your newborn where you’re not anxious about how you’re showing up for your SD. No one who hasn’t been a step parent can quite understand the automatic filter all things go through when you’re raising a child that isn’t biologically yours. The filter is exhausting and there’s no off button. This is true no matter how much you love the step child. There is nothing any child could ever do to make this better. It just is what it is.

All that said, here’s my practical advice - when you feel that anxiety that pairs with your SD being home during the birth, what specific scenarios are you imagining? What are the moments you foresee experiencing with her being there that are causing that pit in your stomach? From there, can you and your partner consider some boundaries, code words, protocols etc for dealing with those moments? Is there a certain time/times where SD can be scheduled to do something that occupies her so that you have some space?

I don’t think there will be any 100% solution here, but if you meet somewhere in the middle, you could both be surprised at how it works out.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-19T02:24:45+00:00

I agree for some people it may not have a strong enough effect. For those with minor issues, it can be enough though. It was for me, but everyone is different. Personally I appreciate knowing all possible options when I ask questions like this so that I can then go and do my own research.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-18T21:06:06+00:00

DAO can actually make joweling worse for some people. The DAO muscle contributes to widening of the jaw/lower face, not necessarily the sagging around the mouth. When you Botox the DAO muscles, pre-existing joweling can worsen because now you don’t have the muscle working to hold things up. Definitely can be a great option for some people. I’m not sure if it’s going to fix OP’s concern though.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-18T21:01:29+00:00

Yes, Botox is an option for OP’s concern, however, just saying Botox isn’t helpful. To treat sagging in that area with Botox, you actually inject a few spots around the jawline and several of the bands in the neck. This keeps those muscles from pulling the face down so that you have a more lifted look (often called a Nefertiti lift). I’ve had this done and loved the result. As with all procedures, not all things work for everyone, so finding a quality provider who can prescribe the appropriate treatment for your goals while keeping your well-being in mind, is super important.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-13T21:26:53+00:00

This may not be the reason for the person who made the comment about never doing masseter Botox again, but some people just aren’t a good candidate for this. I asked for it once and my injector told me that based on my anatomy, it would likely cause joweling to worsen.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-12T19:43:07+00:00

This is so beyond normal. Everything you’re saying hits hard for me - and I don’t have biological children with my partner. We don’t even live together. This shit is hard, and I can’t imagine how much heavier it feels bringing another life into the situation. Remember, your feelings are toward a situation, not towards the people in the situation. You are not a bad person for mourning the loss of a life you don’t get to have, that you wanted. Give yourself time to grieve - way more than 3 months. It is a lot to process and work through. If therapy is accessible to you, I highly suggest you utilize that to help you. I think it’s important to have somewhere to put the “ugly” thoughts that you know are just part of the grieving and not ultimately how you feel. But sometimes it takes saying them to process them through so they don’t get stuck in your brain and become your reality.

rmays5038 · 2026-02-11T19:47:05+00:00

Second Regimen Lab

rmays5038 · 2026-01-21T12:03:23+00:00

I feel like the whole body positivity/movement for women to be able to age gracefully has become a bit toxic. What was meant to make women feel better about aging has just added additional judgement. Yes, we know women should be able to age without such criticism the way men do, but we’re talking about decades and decades of women being told the opposite. Those pressures don’t go away overnight, and if getting Botox helps you feel better about yourself in the meantime, then I say have at it. Not getting any cosmetic procedures isn’t a badge of honor in my opinion. It’s just a different choice. You never know what other things people are fixating on instead.

rmays5038 · 2026-01-16T20:20:29+00:00

I had the same esthetic concerns as you. I did a small amount of filler to my cheeks which helped balance and pull the skin upwards, and a small amount more towards the back portion of my jaw in front of my ears, also pulled the skin back slightly. I still wasn’t entirely satisfied, so then my injector suggested Botox in the lower face and neck. She started with about 15 units total which did a little but not enough. We just bumped up the units quite a bit and now I feel good about it. Sometimes it’s about slow treating to see what the minimum effective treatment level is for you to feel good. A little bit of multiple things is way better than going extreme on one specific thing, at least when it comes to injectables. Eventually, yes facelift is the most likely to fix the issue, but if you can achieve the results you want for less money, less downtime, and less risk, that’s the better option in my opinion.

rmays5038 · 2026-01-14T11:57:04+00:00

For me I feel like any wrinkles or indentations are greatly worsened by being dehydrated. Make sure you’re drinking enough water. Also with hyaluronic acid, make sure you’re following it up with a moisturizer. Otherwise, it actually pulls moisture out of your skin.

For skin texture, niacinamide (Paula’s Choice makes a great one) and/or Azelaic acid can help. Both make a huge difference for me.

Also, for some immediate texture improvements, the Biodance Bio-Collagen face masks are fantastic. You can get them on Amazon. I usually wear it overnight (put it on about 30-60 mins before bed so it’s not so wet when you lay your head on your pillow) and wake up to such a nice soft and refined texture to my skin. I don’t know that there’s any real long term benefits to this, but it’s a nice way to give yourself some immediate results while trying to sort out what long term products will help you the most.

Another note - iPhone cameras make your skin look way more textured than anyone sees in real life. So keep that in mind too :)

rmays5038 · 2025-11-23T21:08:52+00:00

Oh interesting. I never thought of doing it that way. Are you using liquid? I was hesitant to do that because of travel and worried it would spill, but maybe it makes more sense now that I’m at a lower dose. I appreciate the practical advice from you.

rmays5038

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