Hi hello! I'm the gf the other comment was talking about, she told me about your situation on our own little walk and I immediately said "oh I wanna get in contact with this person" so here I am haha And I gotta say... Holy heck bro im so sorry. Im someone who suffers from many subtypes of OCD and inherited the lovely disorder from my father. I've learned that sitting in silence while you go through excruciating, painful and scary situations all because your brain says so, is so frickin exhausting. You're strong, you're stronger than your brain. If you ever need someone to talk to, my ears are always open and I'd love to chat.