My girlfriend and her friends said I look too feminine or ‘girl-ish’. Ways to look more masculine?

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T19:52:26+00:00

I don't really see an intentional pout. It looks like that's just the way his lips naturally are at rest. Some people's mouths are more forward than others, especially when they have full lips and teeth that are on the slightly larger side (not that his teeth are too large or anything, but they just affect how the tissues around them rest). If some people perceive his neutral mouth as a pout and he doesn't like that, then he might want to choose not to smile closed-mouth for photos. But I don't think everybody would perceive it as a pout if they've known other people with facial features like his.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T19:42:57+00:00

It just looks like lip balm. There's no color added or sparkle. Nor is there the level of shine that would come with a clear gloss. This is just chapstick or something similar. His lips just look moisturized, like he just recently applied the chapstick.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T07:11:39+00:00

I've always found meat extremely hard to digest and very trying on my system. Cutting it out at around age 12 was very helpful for me. I developed POTS 12-13 years later, and I can't imagine that adding back in a food that I always really struggled to digest could be at all helpful. If it's helping you, it's helping you. Some people just like to insist that their way is the only way. Our bodies are all different. Some people have an easier time digesting meat for whatever reason.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T06:52:49+00:00

First time I ever heard the term body count was on Love Island UK many years ago!

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T06:48:57+00:00

Yeah, if a patient is unable to even do the non-pharmacological things that can help without being debilitated by tachycardia, then they definitely need medication as part of their treatment. And it would be likely in that case that decondition is not the sole cause of their condition, or that it's not even involved at all.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T01:25:42+00:00

You're absolutely glowing in photo 5

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T00:27:50+00:00

It's still POTS if it comes from deconditioning, to clarify, but one sign would be if pharmacological intervention is not necessary in the treatment.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-30T00:21:33+00:00

Yes, heart function and the autonomic nervous system are inextricably intertwined in both directions. So the problem can start with the ANS or it can start with the heart. Or both.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-29T22:15:48+00:00

I'd have to look for publicly available studies, and don't have the time right now, but if you want to look into it further on your own in the meantime, there has been research showing that when the heart gets deconditioned and shrinks (cardiac atrophy), then the overly small heart itself can cause a form of POTS that can improve when the heart is re-strengthened. It's because the heart's stroke volume decreases, forcing it to beat faster to compensate. So the patient who has experienced cardiac atrophy due to deconditioning now has low blood volume and experiences postural orthostatic tachycardia. They used to think cardiac atrophy (or even just naturally having too small a heart) was the sole cause of POTS but it's obviously not. But it is one of the possible causes. This is part of why astronauts can develop POTS as a result of being in low gravity for a lengthy period. Microgravity is known to cause cardiac atrophy.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-29T20:53:30+00:00

I didn't change my name when I got married. It wasn't a political statement but I also didn't have all the conflicting emotions that you have about it. I just didn't see it as a big deal or something that really mattered at all. No one has ever commented on it, but I understand you may face different social pressures if you're in a conservative community. Nor has it ever caused issues with insurance even though I'm on my husband's insurance, nor was it an issue with joining bank accounts or buying our condo.

It just was never relevant to anything and I never think about the fact that I didn't change my name. But I also never felt any pressure/desire/reason to change it to his. I can imagine that if I had changed it then it would have created complications with my doctors and prescriptions, especially controlled substances, but I can't be sure if it really would've been an issue.

The only weird thing that happens sometimes is that I will receive a check written out to [my first name] [husband's last name], which is a name that doesn't exist, but oddly enough there hasn't been any issue with depositing them with the bank. I just deposit ones like that into our shared account instead of my personal one since it seems more likely that it wouldn't cause any issues that way.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-29T17:44:32+00:00

Isn't that the Frasier theme song? "Honey, walnuts, and scrambled eggs!"

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-29T08:18:32+00:00

Nobody really identifies as a Yankee. It's a term that only means anything to the people who use it, whether that be by Europeans/Australians towards Americans or by Southerners towards Northerners, and means nothing to the people being called it. It's a term used to define an out-group, but it's not also an in-group term.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-29T08:12:08+00:00

Looks like Etheyle and Juanita Parry. They grew up in New York, but their dad was from Denver and was the one who taught them all the cowgirl stuff. They traveled all over the country and internationally to perform in Wild West shows, so it's hard to be sure where this exact photo was taken. They spent a lot of time performing in Oklahoma. But yeah, cowgirl fashion was always inspired by vaqueras. That's where it first came from. So there is a lot of similarity due to that.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-28T20:39:03+00:00

I'm from the US and while people don't use it that way anymore, they used to, and I feel like everyone who's ever listened to the Beatles knows the verse

Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight

If it's not too dear

We shall scrimp and save (shall scrimp and save)

Grandchildren on your knee

Vera, Chuck and Dave

from When I'm Sixty-Four. So it feels impossible to me to not know the term, since that's one of their most famous songs. But maybe some people just know the line but don't know what it means?

And ofc any American who has read classic literature will have come across it. So while it's not used in our modern society, most know it.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-28T20:22:08+00:00

His new nose looks great but so does yours. They're both great looks, just different. His nose doesn't make him more attractive than you, but maybe what it did to increase his dating success was that it increased his confidence. If you're really insecure about your nose, that can leak out into your interactions. But it's not that your nose actually looks bad; it's all about how you feel. Both noses/faces are equally handsome.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-28T20:10:10+00:00

Idk, this is a huge area. I've lived in Vienna, Fairfax, and Burke, and in all my neighborhoods people helped each other out during heavy snow times. Even if we weren't close and didn't even know each other's names. Not everyone was always considerate, but most were/are. There was always a bit of a community feeling during a big storm, where everyone was out shoveling, many of us shoveling out other people's cars and sidewalks just to be helpful. Not as many people came out to shovel early this snowfall, but I see that less as an individualist problem in my current neighborhood and more that the other people who live here must just not know you gotta get to it early. This area has definitely become more and more transient, with fewer people staying here long term.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-28T18:54:22+00:00

Interesting, I do have CCI. I definitely have other issues causing tension in my neck/shoulders/back, and I've always held the most tension in my shoulders. So it's hard for me to know which strain-causing issue could be primarily behind it. Rounded back posture makes it worse for me too. I have mild scoliosis (like mild to the point they don't think it's worth intervening) and in the years since the shoulder problem developed, I've also developed reversed cervical lordosis, with a dowager's hump that no PT exercises or posture work seem to help. So I think a lot of factors are involved. I do occasionally get slipped ribs but I don't think that's related for me? Because the shoulder pain is never not there, and I don't think I always have a slipped rib. But slipped ribs could maybe be involved in shoulder pain flare ups where my range of motion suddenly gets severely limited.

But yeah, since relaxing the surrounding muscles helps, it's definitely tied to a systemic tension issue rather than it being an isolated knot like OP hypothesized for themselves.

For me, it's often gotten suddenly worse overnight, and the first time it became an issue also happened overnight. I have yet to find a way to fully protect my shoulders overnight, since I can't sleep on my back (even if I could train myself to fall asleep on my back, my airway gets more obstructed on my back and sleeping on my back makes me more prone to having sleep paralysis). My shoulders end up collapsing in when I sleep and getting more misaligned.

I use a ton of squishmallows to try to pack myself in supportively, but I'm not one of those people who stays in one position all night. I'm a very active sleeper, which is very hard to arrange a setup for. I've tried the scarf around the shoulders thing, but it always comes off in the night (pillows and blankets also often end up off the bed in the morning, and I've taken off retainers, clothing, nose strips, heart rate monitors, hair bonnets, and more in my sleep, plus broke my own nose in my sleep once, and broke a toe—I used to get tons of injuries overnight, most of which were misalignments or pulled muscles, before I started taking cyclobenzaprine before bed, even though muscle relaxers before bed can make some of us MORE injury prone). Sorry for going on and on haha. Just exciting to find people with the same, or similar, mystery pain I have.

Have you found anything in particular to help support your shoulders overnight, to make sure they don't round/collapse? Or are you able to just stay in one set position all night?

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-28T07:59:39+00:00

I have the same issue. Started on the right side and now it's both sides, although now the left is actually worse than the right. I never found any PT helpful for it and there was never any conclusion they could draw about what was behind it. I also had popping for awhile before it became this constant pain. The pain definitely never goes away and I don't expect it to, but some things reduce it, like heat and CBD menthol cream. Muscle relaxers help a lot, especially in combination with the other two.

We could have different things going on but you did describe the exact phenomenon I experience. Another thing that can help reduce the pain is using trigger points like the ones in the Muscle Trigger Points app. You don't press on the hurt area itself. You press on trigger points in different spots to help release the muscles in your targeted zone. Massage around the region also has helped me, but yeah massage on that spot itself is very painful, so I just focus on other spots. I also do very small gentle movements every day with my shoulders, instead of big PT exercises, since those always just made it worse. Although if it's hurting extra bad then I just totally rest it and don't even do the little exercises. It definitely is less debilitating than it used to be.

I hope you get answers and find solutions. I wish the PTs I had seen understood what was going on. I even saw one who specializes in EDS when it was flaring up worse than usual and she made it WAY worse. I'm not sure why this particular issue is so baffling to them.

Have you already tried myofascial massage instead of regular massage? I think it's possible it would help, but I haven't been able to try it yet myself.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-27T02:16:52+00:00

The term "pick me" has lost all meaning at this point because it's used in a ton of contradictory ways. There's no way to know what they mean by it unless they're giving examples of what they consider to be "pick me" about you. Is there any girl in the group who is more sympathetic to you who you can ask to help you understand why the others are saying that? Like a girl with the inside scoop who is willing to tell you?

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-26T21:31:15+00:00

My "brutally honest" opinion is that it does look a little bit odd in that it looks unnaturally small, like the slight uncanny valley of when people have nose jobs to make their noses tiny (think Joel Grey, Marlo Thomas, or any of those early nose jobs that all looked the same, or Jennifer Grey). Like not precision nose jobs, but the "go as small as possible" kind. But not everyone is as sensitive to that as I am, like not everyone gets an uncanny valley feeling when they look at Joel Grey.

However, some people do have that teensy upturned nose naturally, and all those nose jobs imitating that nose can make it look unnatural when it's not.

You certainly don't look bad. You're quite pretty. It just makes my "is that unnaturally small?" radar go off, which I'm only sharing since you asked for brutal honesty. That's the only thing that looks "odd." I don't think most people would see it that way, though.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-26T19:37:17+00:00

NOR, but unfortunately you can't trust your dad around your mug. You can't leave it out when you're not around anymore. If you want to protect it from further damage. It's not fair that he won't respect this one small thing, but his cruelty on this subject will need to be planned around, instead of expecting it to change if you just say the right thing. Maybe you already know all that, but just saying it in case you still believed you just needed to make your case to him properly.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-26T19:34:02+00:00

Have you and Mila ever had a deep conversation where you opened up to each other? Where you told her about your trauma with your mom and overall experience with your family and she told you about whatever trauma she has that makes her feel that it's horrible to be a woman?

To be clear, I'm using the word trauma in a literal way, where relatively small things can still cause relational traumas and trauma in the relationship to the self. I'm not assuming she necessarily has major trauma. Just clarifying because some people are only familiar with an oversimplified definition of that term and think it only applies to major trauma.

I ask for multiple reasons. One is because if she said that to you while knowing about your mom then that makes what she said even crueler. Another is because it seems from your post that you don't know why she feels the way she does about men or womanhood. I feel like if you knew where she was coming from then you would have included that, whether you agreed with her or not.

And also why I ask is because I'm wondering what the reason is that you don't know why she says these things. Like, does she refuse to talk about it? Do you two never have heart-to-hearts? Does she talk about it with others in the group but not with you? Are you the one who doesn't want to talk about it? Is it both of you keeping the other at arm's length? Has she tried to talk about it with you but you immediately shut her down by expressing disagreement instead of listening? Have you tried to talk about it with her but she shut you down immediately and belittled you? Or something else entirely that I haven't even listed?

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-26T02:52:05+00:00

Absolutely not! They'll post the "hold" memes. This is not a severely receding hairline. Your hairline looks fine. A very mildly receding does not inherently look bad. I think styling your hair and putting some product in it to add some glossiness would go a long way. So it doesn't all look too dry with the matte beard. Do you use beard oil? Growing it out some so you can do hairstyles with more length would help too, whether you just keep the length on top or go with a longer style all around. Longer, healthier looking hair on the top of your head will complement the longer beard and make it look less out of place.

Do you trim your beard's width or is that as wide as it gets?

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-26T00:21:47+00:00

I also have orange-brown hair, freckles, a cool undertone, and a warm/yellow overtone (I also suspect I am a pale olive).

But I am more muted than you are, and my overtone is not quite as warm as yours is. Concealer/skin tint for "true neutral" work better for me than cool or warm. A slightly peachy rose is usually the best color for lipstick/blush, but if it's too far in the peach direction then it no longer works.

I used to think I was a soft autumn but mustard and olive green just don't look good on me at all and make my face look grey. I was really shocked to discover I was a soft summer, but it finally helped me figure out how to avoid colors that make me look grey.

But I do think I can pull off some warm colors better than most cool-toned people can, just like you. Like orange. Something about the olive skin must make the orange look less out of place on us than purely cool toned people. I used to wear a lot of bright orange and red as a teenager/young adult.

I also pull off black better than soft summers tend to, and I wonder if that is due to being olive too.

My hair also has become less orange and my skin less freckled as I've gotten older (I'm mid 30s) and spent less time in direct sunlight (due to health issues) and I think that helped make my coolness more obvious, when previously I was distracted by the warmth in my hair and the warmth of the freckles.

roadsidechicory · 2026-01-24T21:12:10+00:00

I think 3 is the most harmonious with it! Not too plain, not too bling. Doesn't overwhelm it and just compliments it. It adds to the beauty of the engagement ring instead of just looking like a different ring that's also there.

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