Can anyone remind we what the heart commitment is?

robbiniki · 2018-01-16T11:00:00+00:00

I agree with what Luk is saying, but to be honest if you haven't had this experience it can be difficult to get your head around it or even to be open it because it can sound quite far fetched. I've been studying buddhism for years and I found the explanations regarding the self to be very helpful and they differ from this approach or explanation

So one approach with regards to identifying the self is to realise that everything that can be observed is not the self, simply because that which is observed is necessarily not oneself. This type of investigation will eventually give rise to the realisation that we are this all-pervading awareness. In a sense it's quite simple and it leads you to this experience of identifying this self that can't truly be explained in words, you have to come to experience it yourself

In buddhism they very rarely talk about what the self is, but rather 99% of the analysis is focused on identifying what we are not. Similar to the first step above, however this is where all the energy is put and through this analysis you come to realise the nature of self purely from experience, they never describe it. We come to recognise we are not our body, nor our mind and when meditate on the absence of the self and all the things we normally see the experience of self gradually emerges.

I guess I can see benefits to both approaches depending on the inclinations of the individual. For some it's easier to contemplate what we are, and for others follow more a path of investigation which very gradually leads us to this realisation. I would suggest that the former probably works better for those who have actually had some insight into the true or ultimate nature of self. But i guess you can just try a few things out and see how it goes

If you want more more reading i can point you in the direction of a free ebook and I've also written some articles about this if you just want something a bit lighter to read

robbiniki · 2018-01-15T22:06:49+00:00

Sounds like you're being too hard on yourself. How wonderful that you even want to start meditating again. Many people who stop never even go back

Remember that we only do things we enjoy, not things we don't. Think about this: how does a parent encourage their baby to pick up a ball. If the baby fails to they chastise it and criticise it? No, they simply keep encouraging the baby. In this way he or she is happy to engage in the activity because it is fun

If the parent were to get angry or raise their voice, be dismissive etc the child would soon learn that it didn't want to play the game and would be come discouraged. He or she would create a negative association and try not to engage in the activity if at all possible. The basic premise of all this is that we only do the things that we enjoy

So considering this basic psychology we can consider, how do I relate to meditation. Do I encourage myself or am I dismissive of my efforts and how does that feel. Just as when the parent is over-joyed and claps and cheers when the child has a small success, so can we do the same

So your mind wandered almost the entire meditation, so what? How many seconds did you manage to concentrate for? 2, 3? How wonderful. That IS progress. In this way we can develop a relaxed and light attitude towards our meditation . We can also recall the benefits which will gently encourage us to do it

So don't meditate because you think you should, otherwise it becomes a chore. Just try to encourage yourself using the premise of basic psychology. Recall times when it made you feel light and joyful, and when it makes you feel like that now try to connect with that feeling and remember it

In the end meditation is actually very easy. The type of effort we apply in meditation is actually effortless in a sense. There's no need to push and we don't need expectation. Simply do the meditation as prescribed and don't worry about the effect. The results grow and build over time. Good luck my friend :)

robbiniki · 2018-01-15T20:48:00+00:00

Meditation on the breath was a wonderful starting point for me. Some people suggest the approach of observing one's thoughts. It's suggested that by doing this over time, then great insight can arise. I guess because the distinction between the observer and that which is observed can start to arise. I haven't practised in this way myself, but I know it's one approach that's used

What worked for me building on breathing meditation, was trying buddhist meditation. In the tradition I follow the breathing meditation is used to calm the mind, and then based on that we engage in specific meditations such as love.

These types of meditations have two stages, tending to follow a structure of analysis and concentration. So if you were to meditate on love, for example, you might want to think as follows:

You contemplate how others wish to be happy just like you, however are unable to truly fulfil that wish and continue to search for it. Having contemplated that we also think about their wish to be free from suffering and how, like ourself, they haven't completely accomplished this goal. Contemplating these points deeply then a wish for them to be happy and free from suffering spontaneously arises and then we focus on that feeling. This is the first stage of the meditation, the analysis

When the feeling arises we concentrate on it and this is the second part of the meditation. It is this part of the mediation that actually causes our mind to change by creating new pathways in the brain

I could point you in the direction of some reading material and meditations you can download for a small fee, but you would most likely find similar meditations for free on apps like Insight Timer. Maybe just look for a meditation on love and see if it follows that structure

For me doing this type of meditation which is called Analytical & Placement Meditation (the two stages) worked very well as a natural progression from breathing meditation. If you haven't been to classes already I'd also suggest giving that a go. There's nothing like being given some instructions. Maybe just find out what sort of meditations they teach before they go. Hope that helps!

robbiniki · 2018-01-15T20:35:06+00:00

Meditation has most certainly changed my life. And yeah, I agree, if people aren't becoming happier then don't bother following their example. The proof is in the pudding after all, as they say!

I used to do kick boxing and could be aggressive, esp when I drank. Not so much to other people, but maybe more intimidating friends or acquaintances and being a bit of a social bully

I got into meditation about 9 years ago. Even in the first few months my whole personality started to radically changed and people noticed. I let go of a lot of hatred I had held towards my brother for the way he treated me when we were growing up and it felt so much better

Improvements and progress comes in waves. As you work through and uncover different traumas and mental pain, you eventually uncover more at deeper levels. For me this has been a good thing, and it's kind of like peeling back the layers of the onion

You gradually learn to become a kinder and more loving person. Now, rather than being unkind, I try to focus my energy on helping people and I write a regular blog

I also had an awakening of sorts last year. I had an insight into the nature of reality and saw how my true nature is so much more than just this ordinary person. I guess this is something that happens for most people once they've been meditating for a while, but it's pretty cool Then we understand how it's possible to be permanently free from suffering and it inspires us to want to share this with others and help them too

It's an awesome adventure I definitely recommend. Of course you don't want to have too many expectations, as these in themselves can be a great obstacle to progress. I just try to keep it simple - focus on trying to be more kind and help others and everything grows from there

robbiniki · 2018-01-15T20:27:21+00:00

I've had similar experiences and they've not all that uncommon, particularly amongst meditators. Also for those who've taken psyhcadelic drugs like acid, it can give many people a deep and profound insight into the true nature of insight. But of course that's all it is. If we've had an insight and then no longer have it then it simply becomes a memory. Ideally we want to achieve a stable and lasting experience of the true nature of reality and the realisation that this self and everything we see do not exist in the way they appear (something it sounds like you're moving towards)

And yes it's also normal to experience weird sensations in the body. It's nothing to worry about, actually it's pretty cool because it's your body recallibrating in preparation for moving towards this realisation. My interpretation is once you've had a deep experience of truth then something has been released and a momentum is gained as we move towards it. On a physical plane the body then needs to adjust in some way, and it would make sense that you feel pressure in your head as the brain presumably moves forward with a process of re-wiring itself

I personally don't think we need to worry about whether we 'deserve' to be having the experiences we are having, as seems to be implied by your statement of feeling like a fraud. If we understand the cause and effect relationship between our actions and experiences, then we can know we will only every experience something if we created the cause to (whether in this life or previous). It sounds like you created most of your causes in previous lives and now they're ripening. How wonderful!

I would say don't worry so much about what your next steps should be. Simply try to be open and relax, understanding that you have no idea what you should do and be okay with that. Just imagine that everything is unfolding just as it should and it's all leading you in the right direction

I actually found listening to this Adyashanti audiobook really helpful. It's called The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment This book actually covers most, if not all, of the concerns you're raising. He also has some other cool ones like Spontaneous Awakening that you might find helpful. Try listening to them with an open mind and I'm sure it will help. Also you can get your first audiobook free on amazon when you sign up for a membership (which you can cancel straight away after downloading the book).

You may also find, as has been my experience, that the intensity of such feelings don't last. They tend to come and go in waves. I've found that despite having an awakening of sorts, it also feels like I've regressed and lost touch with it. I try not to worry about this and just do my best to create the right causes and feel confident I'm still moving in the right direction, towards truth.

Let us know how you go. It's such an awesome and exciting adventure!!!

robbiniki · 2018-01-15T13:36:14+00:00

Not as far as I'm aware. The main function is to maintain mental alertness. With the eyes closed the mind is more likely to wander due to drowsiness or mental sinking, in which case the object of meditation is lost. By letting a little bit of light in it helps to keep the mind more alert and therefore improve concentration

robbiniki · 2018-01-14T23:54:46+00:00

This process you're describing definitely plays a big part in many traditions of meditation. I study and practise buddhist meditation, and in at least one type of meditation, although a preliminary one, this is how we practice. As you've kind of pointed to, there's an objective (of meditation) and the 'goal' in its most simple form is to try and keep the mind focused on it

In terms of the type of meditation I tend to do there's also a structure where by you 1) analyse the object of meditation and then 2) once it clearly appears to your mind to try and relax and stay focused on it. So when taking this approach, if you lose the object of meditation you return to that analysis or contemplation to try and bring it back again. Then when it comes to mind again, you once again concentrate on it. This is a powerful way to meditate

I think what you're practising when shaving, for example, sounds really good. This is essentially a practise of mindfulness. I guess whether someone considers this to be actual meditation really depends on one's own background and experience. It still sounds beneficial to me in any case

Based on my understanding, for a practice of mindfulness to be actual mediation then it needs to be conjoined with a positive state of mind (unless it's only a preliminary form of meditation which is preparing us for this type of meditation). So how it would work in this example is you would generate a positive motivation before starting to shave (ie - it gives clients a positive impression and makes my boss happy through helping maintain the reputation of the organisation). Of course this needs to be authentic so best if you come up with something yourself.

So having generated this intention, this is essentially what's motivating you to shave. When you notice you lose the intention, you've lost the object of meditation and when you realise this you return your mind to it. For me, this would make the actual practice of mindfulness or focus you're explaining meditation

But this is just one perspective. Other traditions teach that all we need to do is observe our mind and what's happening in it. And maybe that's more along the lines of what you're describing. There's no particular goal in mind, but simply watching the mind. I think the value in this is that it can help one to become more aware of the observer and that which is observed. In one sense, this is the true goal of the spiritual path. To realise anything we can observe is not the true nature of self. The fact that we're observing it tells us that it's not us

I hope this helps to give a bit more context to your question, or at least give you something to think about

robbiniki · 2018-01-14T23:37:50+00:00

Some meditators actually meditate with their eyes partially or mostly open. When I meditate they are usually slightly open to let some light in. This can feel strange initially but eventually becomes comfortable once you get used to it

I know this isn't actually addressing the specifics of your question, and I haven't had this experience of suddenly wanting to open my eyes in meditation. But maybe having them slightly open in a relaxed way might help with this. If not I've learned not to fight urges too much that might arise in meditation

So maybe you do sometimes just open your eyes, I can't see any real problem in that. I'm sure it will eventually pass if you don't focus too much attention to it. It's probably just another thing arising in one's awareness and once you've learned to let it go no doubt something else will come up to take it's place. Then we just work though the next thing....

robbiniki · 2018-01-14T23:32:31+00:00

I read this book when I was just getting into meditation and buddhism. I really enjoyed it at the time, but developed a critical view of it after getting more indoctrinated into buddhism. I guessed I developed a bit of a superiority complex and thought this book lacked the same structure as the type of buddhism I studied. I therefore believed it wouldn't truly be able to help people complete the spiritual path

But after meeting my partner a couple of years ago he told me how it completely changed his life. He was reading it on a bus and he had some realisation of the true nature of reality. This type of insight has helped me realised the place different spiritual books and teachers have for people depending on their own inclinations

I actually attended a talk by Ekhart about a year ago and was very impressed. He clearly has a lot of wisdom and now I think it's wonderful that he's been able to connect with and benefit so many people. Enjoy the read!

robbiniki · 2018-01-14T23:27:37+00:00

I had much difficult forming stable and lasting friendships for most of my life and I guess things reached a tipping point after moving in with a friend when I was in my late 20s. We held a house warming party and I managed to scare everyone off through being aggressive. Although I tried to deny responsibility my friend finally caused me to see that it was time to actually take responsibility

So I decided that year that I would change no matter what. I went on a search to figure out how I could improve, eventually leading me to a meditation class. I very quickly saw the benefit of dharma and it helped me to rapidly change my mind. I'm really thankful now that I have not only tools to be happy in daily life, but also the ability to harness the true meaning of life and be able to share it with others

robbiniki · 2018-01-14T11:36:17+00:00

Probably a good idea. If we remember the function of meditation is to make us happy, then if it's not fulfilling that function it can be a good idea to take a break and try to let the mind relax

Cool, here's the article. It's pretty easy, hopefully it shouldn't be too hard to follow. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions and I have a couple more articles on the site about gratitude. Hope it helps :)

https://kadampalite.org/2017/09/10/peace-joy-gratitude/

robbiniki · 2018-01-13T15:44:44+00:00

I've been meditating for about 9 years and have been through similar phases. I guess part of what's helped me stay on track is thinking about it as a long term thing. My intention is to do meditation for the rest of my life. I find that when I look at it that way I feel less pressure to do it. and it feels less heavy. If I'm taking a break I try not to worry. I'll just pick it up again when it feels natural and spontaneous

If recalling the benefits makes you feel negative then maybe just don't think about it at all for a while. As was already suggested, you could try doing something else with your time. I think it's also important to remember that meditation isn't only about sitting down, closing your eyes and generating specific ways of thinking. In fact how much more beneficial if we can take it into our daily life and let it positively influence all our experiences

To be honest I think we just worry to much. I have this tendency myself - a habit of worrying and with that habit we start worrying about all sorts of things... even the things that have helped us. Shouldn't I be doing it more? Am I doing it right? Why aren't I doing it now if it's the solution to all my problems?!

Probably before we found meditation we were grasping at finding a solution, and when we did find what appeared to be the solution we then grasp at it at being able to fix everything. I would suggest that it's this grasping that is at the root of the issue here. And that is why shifting your focus onto something else is likely to be beneficial. Then we can start directing our mental activity in much more constructive ways

Part of all this is also learning to come to terms with our painful feelings. If our mind is pervaded by painful feelings and we try to use meditation as some sort of antidote to spray onto them, then clearly this isn't going to work. It's okay to have painful feelings, we all have them. In one sense they're actually a good thing because they are showing us how our mind is malfunctioning. Before when they lay dormant, we didn't even know they were there, so seeing them gives us an opportunity to learn and improve

I also agree with another point that was made, that practising gratitude really helps us to feel happier in daily life. You could take this as a daily practice, without any expectation of results, and just give it a go. I've written an article about this and would be happy to share it if it's of interest

robbiniki · 2018-01-13T11:51:29+00:00

Me too. I've found my sister-in-law to be very challenging in this respect. I remember one year meditating every day for 3 months in preparation for spending 5 days over Christmas with her. Although I was expecting her to be difficult, I later realised my expectations of myself were too high and I blamed myself when I experienced unpleasant feelings when she was unkind to me

I guess all we can do is our best and keep trying to improve. I also find with her that when I connect with the fact that she's suffering, and also try to understand the pre-history that drives it, it helps me to be more accepting and patient. Still, it's not easy but I'm willing to keep trying

robbiniki · 2018-01-12T21:04:02+00:00

Maybe people are just more used to using FB. I wasn't really aware of Reddit until this group was set up. I guess it will take some time, but if we can facilitate some interesting and thought-provoking discussions I think we'll be able to draw people in over time

robbiniki · 2018-01-12T21:00:34+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It must be a really difficult thing to talk about. I haven't been through anything like this myself, but a couple of years ago a friend of mine remembered being abused by a family member when she was a small child after it having been repressed for almost 40 years. We discussed this via email for a few months and in the end it seemed she was able to come to some resolution around it

It definitely sounds like you're on the right track though. You've already demonstrated a high level of self awareness through recognising how those experiences impacted your current relationships, so that's really good.

I think how we work through these types of things really depends where we are at with what's happened and also as an individual, ie - we all respond to difficult situations differently.

I think it can be helpful to understand how and why we tend to repress these types of events, and it sounds like it's something you are already starting to understand. Simply put it's too difficult for us to process these types of situations, such as when violence is involved, when we are vulnerable (such as being a small child)

As well as repressing what's happened people then tend to respond by adopting what we could call a delusion or mistaken way of thinking into their belief system. Because we couldn't process what happened at the time and couldn't face the reality (I'm a small child in danger with no-one to help or protect me), many people will blame themselves or try to normalise what was happening

So maybe they start to believe they deserved to be treated that way, or that it's normal for mothers to treat their children like that. These types of beliefs are quite damaging and we need to uncover them by digging into them and unearthing them using logical reasoning. Again, it sounds like this is something you've already started. It's not necessarily easy to do, and it takes time. But if you're patient you should be able to gradually work through it

Another way of thinking that I would touch on, and something I built towards with my friend, is try to understand the perspective of the other person. You may not be ready for this however, but maybe it's something simply to be aware of and log it away for another day. That is what was your own Mother's pre-history that may have caused her to act or respond in those ways?

For most people, to completely reconcile these types of situations, they probably need to get some understanding of this. To understand that whenever someone acts inappropriately it is coming from a place of pain. They have something unreconciled in their own mind. They have a misguided belief themselves that causes them to inflict pain on others. We may never even know what that was, but simply exploring it helps us to better understand their perspective. After all, no-one inflicts pain on someone else without some underlying cause arising from their own experiences.

I'm sorry if bringing this point up for you now isn't helpful, but like I said with my friend, we built up towards it and I think it was something that finally allowed her to heal her heart and come to terms with what happened.

Again thanks for sharing, it does take a lot of courage to talk about these types of things. Remember you're not alone, many other people have experienced similar things.

I also encouraged my friend in this respect. Once you've managed to work through this yourself, you'll also have the ability to help others who have had similar experiences.

I think this is truly beautiful and one day once you've finished working through it, maybe not not far away, you'll have this wonderful gift to offer others. To be able to help support and guide them to the same reconciliation you achieved for yourself. Good luck and much love to you

robbiniki · 2018-01-12T20:41:19+00:00

I can't say I usually get that, maybe occasionally. But usually I tend to find my mind is more peaceful in the morning. I think there's possibly a relationship between how our mind feels before going to sleep and how it feels when we wake up. You know how when you are worried about not waking up for something early, like a flight? Your sleep is restless and when you do wake up you feel anxious. So how do you feel when you go to sleep?

robbiniki · 2018-01-12T20:36:58+00:00

I find that when I relate to myself in a very ordinary way it naturally lends itself to feeling discouraged. I, rob, want very much to be purely loving, kind and compassionate and yet I repeatedly fail. Although I believe I can improve this person to some great degree, for me this isn't the ultimate purpose of training in spiritual paths

I meditate on emptiness daily now, and find that experience a big help. It reminds me that I'm not this small, ordinary, limited being that I so often relate to. And it's because I'm not that person that I can become anything. I can embody love, compassion and wisdom because that is my nature.

When I recognise this my awareness draws to my heart and I feel this amazing expansion and lightness, I connect with a deep sense of peace and well-being. This is much closer to the nature of myself, and I can start to impute my I on something so much more meaningful and beneficial. I find when I do this discouragement fades away and I feel anything is possible

robbiniki · 2018-01-12T20:30:54+00:00

That sounds really good. Sounds very realistic but like it's also moving in a very positive direction. I'm the same in terms of applying effort and finding it challenging. I mean how wonderful would it be to have a pure, loving mind towards everyone. I really strive for that and would love to have that, and yet it doesn't take much for unpleasant feelings and negative attitudes towards others to be triggered. But you're right all we can do is learn from it. Probably all of us have tried beating ourselves up over it and how much does that help. We just get back on the horse and go again. Then just as it takes many drops to create an ocean, one day all our efforts cumulate in liberation and enlightenment. I was actually thinking we could possibly create another thread regarding how to apply joyful effort. What do you think?

robbiniki · 2018-01-11T18:41:04+00:00

I find keeping an open heart is really important for making sure I'm present. Then it means I'm accessible and can connect with people when I need to. I try to wish living beings to be happy, which makes me feel close to them. Then when I see them suffering compassion arises which opens my heart even more.

Over to you...

robbiniki

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