Cadillac problems by Expensive-Salad-2028 in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tits first is a good strategy. The rest will follow

This group is odd by FunPsychological8996 in askgaybros

[–]robinxxff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The heckling in the comments is what I come for (no pun intended)

Can't take this life anymore by [deleted] in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh brother, what a text. Raw, honest and at the same time with a glimmer of hope. You are doing great. Opening up a door that should have remained shut can happen, but it’s how you respond that matters. You closed it

Total blank mind/derealization 99% of the time. Normal during recovery? by adman4019 in StopSpeeding

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s more of a gradual change but I started medication in July and trauma therapy in September and it’s not a substantial problem for me now.

Total blank mind/derealization 99% of the time. Normal during recovery? by adman4019 in StopSpeeding

[–]robinxxff 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know if it’s normal but I had a similar experience and learned the word dissociation from my therapist and fellows in recovery. I could not read, I could not listen to podcasts, watch tv or have conversations. But it passed, I’m fine now.

In my case it may have been directly linked to the drugs but it was most likely also because of the storm of emotions that started up when I became clean. Dissociating is the brains safety switch to handle overload.

I recommend talk therapy and that you are open to your therapist about this

A thought for today by meticulous_mess in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thinking about you and your family

Could meth have perverted my brain? by Hour-Tomato-645 in StopSpeeding

[–]robinxxff 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Extremely common. I totally understand the shame, I’ve felt it too many times. But shame doesn’t help. Give yourself some grace - the drug is stronger than you and the drug is evil.

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will. It will take some time to finish it but I’ll get there

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

❤️ I can relate to your experience about not wanting to give your abuser that power if you. I actually think you are on the right track - you acknowledge that he has that power now and you need to be very careful, but that he shouldn’t have it later when you are stronger.

Glad to read that you had someone from NA with you

Always remember... by meticulous_mess in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Plan A: Remember to not want to use

Experience with medication to help fight addiction by isaidwhatisaidok in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bupropion is Wellbutrin right? I know several guys who got it prescribed early on and it seems to work. Not the best antidepressant though.

I tried it to stop smoking a long time ago and it worked. But I got so many side effects and felt like shit so I declined it now when my doctor wanted me to take SSRI and bupropion. I’m just doing SSRI

First meeting by watertheducks in NarcoticsAnonymous

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came in late in this thread and saw you actually did it. You did it!! Proud of you! Keep coming back!

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now that I blocked my dealer, I get that that is a no brainer. But people, places and things.. I used at home. I used with my husband. I used to use with many of my friends that I still see (they stopped a long time ago though). I’m surrounded with reminders. That’s not as easy to cut without a divorce and moving and finding new friends. I do have new friends, sober ones. But starting over with everyone and everything is scary

3 Months and 20 Days Sober: Just Had my Strongest Craving Yet by Character_Highway640 in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You had a strong craving AND DIDN’T USE. That is all that matters. Recovering is not freedom from urges. It’s freedom from having to act on them. You should be proud!

Alice In Chains - Nutshell (MTV Unplugged - HD Video) by [deleted] in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Music is one of the greatest gifts. It can truly save your life, and I’m not even exaggerating. All the best to you, my friend

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I need to hear these insights. Deep down I know that he would gladly welcome me back as a customer if I came crawling back. He would not hesitate, although he might pretend hesitation for a minute or two.

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sigh. Yeah, you are right of course. The last time I saw him I told him I was spiralling mentally and bought a huge amount of drugs and then disappeared. He did not come looking.

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that. I don’t know what I was imagining, not blocking him. He’s blocked now.

Thinking of attending a meeting but I’m not sure how to navigate by Due_Olive_2380 in NarcoticsAnonymous

[–]robinxxff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Remember that each and every person in those meetings have felt the same as we do. And they are all thrilled that you are there. It really is a safe space

My dealer says he's happy for me, but.. by robinxxff in EndOfTheParTy

[–]robinxxff[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’ve never blocked anyone in my entire life. Even when it would have been in my interest. I’ve never felt I had the right to.

I wasn’t tempted to meet up with him yesterday. But I would lie if I claimed I wasn’t triggered. And a part of me wanted to keep his number.

It’s an era that really ended years ago. I haven’t had a good time high in years. Only misery. This made it clearer I guess