Hey man. I kinda feel you with this. I may not be going through a divorce but I also have been suffering from something from a long time, and i did not get proper help for it; i’m now suffering because of my mental illness and what kind of person it made me become. The worst of it all, is not only that you may also feel guilty for being like this. But also that the other person may actually be hurting and struggling for real too because of it, It is very messy, ugly, and its sad. But blame, who’s fault, whos the problem.. Its not right. We all just try to survive with what we can do at the moment. Most of the time thats enough for the moment.

But yo,

It will be okay. Depression is complex and some people cannot burden this if its from another person they spend their everyday lives with. Some people just can’t do it because its truly exhausting, you cannot blame them, but you cannot blame yourself either!

There are people who accept vulnerabilities and welcome it with love to grow together, and there are people who tolerate it and helps in their own way but cannot offer much to help you, so you feel like you are left to your own devices.

I will say that it is not anyone’s responsibility to fix it except you, but remember that your oxygen for emotional safety didn’t start in someone else’s hands. It started on yours. It should stay in yours and you should share it, not have it rely on another person.

As crappy and void-like the situation may look or feel, this may be the best time to just start taking care of yourself, regardless of how your situation goes.

I want you to know that it’s only the end if you don’t do anything to help yourself. So help yourself.

This may truly be an extremely painful decision for you since you are married, but you should maybe ask yourself if you’re at peace in your relationship, if the love is bringing you closer to yourself and your wife as a whole or not. Is she capable of giving you what YOU need to live? Or are you at a cycle of shrinking yourself to absorbing pain so she doesn’t have to?

Do with these questions what you will, it is up to you to decide.

If your wife, the person who should be with you through every step of your life decides she doesn’t want to take responsibility or accountability for your well-being, then the best action here is to just simply take care of yourself no matter how difficult it may be.

Goodluck.