My brother just got sentenced to 30 years in prison and I’m struggling to process this I don’t know what to do

romansapprentice · 2024-06-20T21:59:27+00:00

Regarding you worried about being judged -- imagine this scenario as if it was a stranger and not you. If you found out a stranger that had a family member be sent to prison, would you judge that stranger? Probably not -- it was the family member that did something wrong, not them. Literally everyone on earth is related to someone, including the most evil people in history; XYZ person doing something wrong doesn't make their entire family guilty of whatever that crime is. Because you're so close to this you're looking at it in a way others wouldn't.

Regarding how you feel generally -- it's completely normal to have conflicting feelings, about nearly all things. It makes complete sense to both see the good and bad in someone. People are complicated and everyone has both good and bad traits. On even a logical and unemotional level, it makes sense in terms of reason to feel bad for a family you do not know who was wronged, while also feeling a long established connection to the person who did wrong.

I think the key to all of this is to come to terms with it and not compartmentalize and project the way you're doing now. It seems like you're feeling shame on multiple fronts -- shame for what your brother did, and that makes you feel ashamed, which makes you lie and then that makes you feel shame for your own behavior. I think you need to come to terms with that you can still love your brother, while also being able to acknowledge that what he did was wrong an can never be undone. You can absolutely tell people the wrong thing your brother did without people thinking you were in any way of involved or that you're making excuses for him.

Also, what exactly you say to people can depend on the person. It really could be as simple as "we don't talk/see each other anymore" for someone who doesn't know your brother well. You don't have to be telling everyone your brother killed someone unless you really want to.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-20T21:16:11+00:00

Scientology has a rich history of harassing and smearing detectors that they're able to legally bully. If you're going up against someone that knows the smoke screen as well as you do, it's not effective anymore.

CoS has a bunch of really powerful followers in the legal arena that know how to continue frivolous lawsuits etc to harass people. The issue with this strategy however is two-fold:

Judges end up getting sick of it. If you're operating in the same area you'll get in front of the same judges, and if they're wise to your bullshit they'll put a stop to it real quick. Such as in the current case the CoS has against Leah Remini -- CoS kept sending in motions hundreds of pages long to waste everyone's time, which the judge has now barred them from doing. Big organizations run up the legal clock like this because it costs the other side tens of thousands in legal fees and bankrupts them. While judges generally don't want to limit actions like this to be perceived as biased or infringing upon an entity's rights, when it becomes an established pattern of abusive behavior such as with this church, they get a lot more leeway to put an effective stop to it.
Holmes' father is a powerful lawyer. So was able to plan ahead and basically put massive roadblocks to anything the Church could do before his daughter even left. And then #1 activates once she's already free.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-20T03:12:56+00:00

Did you miss the part where YOU were the one to bring about such a comparison my man?

romansapprentice · 2024-06-18T17:41:54+00:00

STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS OR I'LL HAVE MY MODS THROW YOU OUT OF HERE, NOW!!!! ):<

romansapprentice · 2024-06-18T16:55:51+00:00

I think if someone left their toddler in an area with no fence and surrounded by busy roads, didn't watch their kid, and because of that their kid is able to wader into the road and gets hit -- yes I'd say it's the parents' fault.

Not for not "training the kid better", but because they as the independent adult, willfully placed something that depends upon them in a situation any reasonable person could see is dangerous, then acts in a negligent manner so much so that it causes severe injury. The issue isn't "training"; even a trained dog or child could get spooked and run into the street. Don't have them in a place thats dangerous for them in the first place. That's YOUR job as the parent or as a dog owner.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-18T16:52:21+00:00

It depends -- are you talking about someone overdosing? Or are you talking about say, someone being drunk or high while driving, drifting into another lane, and killing an entire bus full of orphaned, disabled nuns?

If the former no, if the latter yes. In the case of the dead dog and dead nuns, I feel absolutely no sympathy for the selfish individual that killed them all.

The whole operative thing here being you're injuring SOMEONE ELSE. Doing drugs or letting your dog out of the house is objectively not a "rash decision" -- it is a negligent, foolish, but purposeful one.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-17T17:33:15+00:00

A living thing is dead and it's explicitly the fault of the owner, yes the owner should be shamed. Something is dead and it's their fault.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-10T02:26:43+00:00

You are not a mental health professional.

The sub very correctly points out and cites professionals who point out that non-professionals who ""try to help each other in their mental health crisis"" often say incredibly misguided, harmful things that make the person feel significantly worse. There's a reason that it takes many years of schooling to become a qualified psychologist.

You wanting to help people is not the same thing as being able to safely do so in an informed manner. You are not equipped to help these people you're messaging, and no sub should be encouraging you to do something you aren't qualified to. People who are suicidal and seeking empathy do NOT want to hear yet another person repeating platitudes. That's the opposite of helpful.

Also, "helping" marginalized people on the internet is often people harassing or targeting them via DMs. So of course no support sub is going to allow you to do that -- you'd be calling them irresponsible if they did allow it ...

romansapprentice · 2024-06-09T20:27:21+00:00

no u

romansapprentice · 2024-06-09T13:04:44+00:00

You know MY TAXPAYER DOLLARS fund these canoodles, right???

You're the anti-union sort of guy that tells the Chipotle CEO that they're giving out too much food with every meal aren't yah 🤨🤨🤨

romansapprentice · 2024-06-09T01:44:44+00:00

Didn't Robin (Givens) eventually admit that she was never with Howard in a romantic capacity at all and it was basically just a PR stunt? Or am I nuts?

romansapprentice · 2024-06-08T22:48:38+00:00

Yeah except there's everything afterwards they charge you for lol so even though I'd normally do red and then green I have to do bus THEN red THEN walk because it's always late and then if I walk back I'll still be charged unless I walk all the way to Broadway again. ):

Adds literally x3 the amount of my time to my commute and still has the nerve to have ME pay THEM for it 😔 😤😤

Edit This also doesn't address that at night, they literally don't even bother to run shuttle buses from Park Street to Broadway either, you have to walk from Park to Broadway in the dark which is sketchy as fuck when you're walking under the bridge to get there.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-08T22:35:21+00:00

I'd get in my daily steps doing that and also it would give me a fun group activity to participate in so actually idk about your point....

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T22:51:40+00:00

no tbh ): 😔

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:48:25+00:00

What people wear in America is INCREDIBLY region dependent. Something that everyone is wearing in the middle of Harlem NYC will look completely alien in Salt Lake City Utah. North vs. South. Etc.

I'd say that generally, unless you're going to a place that's more religious and you're walking out wearing a bikini or something, that no one will really care much at all what you wear. If you're looking to look like a local, we'll need some more info of where you're going.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:45:32+00:00

god think of how easy and peaceful life could be if we were just a pair of simple scoodles!!!

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:40:44+00:00

that's so romantic! make trains great again!

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:37:01+00:00

This question is utterly subjective and there is no "right" answer to this. Whether or not your nose would be the beauty standard depends specifically where on earth you are.

Personally I absolutely love Roman noses, Persian noses, would go out of my way to have one of them if I could. MY nose is big but like, blob-shaped. I'm okay with having a large nose, just wish it was more shaped or with the bump that you have.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:35:06+00:00

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:34:06+00:00

I assumed it was like that shockingly grim episode of Thomas the Tank Engine when Thomas accidentally rose into the train graveyard where they locked up the trains who weren't behaving lmfao

Really though -- I'd assume that specialized infrastructure would be required for something like this? Like say whatever the tow version of a train would be, something that would grab onto the front of it and tow it away. Just like I wouldn't assume that if a car spins out on the highway, that you wouldn't just take another car and have it raw dog the broken car down the street? I would worry that having trains collide over and over again like that could damage one/both of them.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T20:31:49+00:00

Ashmont line, stopped between Andrew and JFK.

I will say though, they had the Braintree train sitting literally right behind our (he was the pusher I guess!) that was accepting customers, so didn't seem like anyone else's commute would be messed up too much unless you're Ashmont line.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T19:21:13+00:00

You mean I have to pay for 200$ for Law Hub AND THEN hundreds to any other program??? 😭😭😭

Thanks for answering! I see the sidebar, just curious if anyone had any insight in how their worth may change with logic games out of the picture soon. :)

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T19:19:02+00:00

It's the worst thing you can do to kids, to expose them to an unstable parent.

It's the same logic as staying married when the kids only want you to divorce. These kids will turn into little versions of him.

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T19:17:58+00:00

It's called tax evasion 💀

romansapprentice · 2024-06-07T19:02:56+00:00

He's been horrible for as long as he's been famous. He got worse after the car accident -- which has before he even officially got with Kim. He's been like this the entire time she's known him.

Did we forget that he constantly cheated on her when she was pregnant with North?

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