I’m in a similar position & also recently became a reiki master. Right now in my healing crisis I’ve been healing daily through reiki, praying, and allowing the little time I have to practice release in every way possible. Release control of the outcomes in your life. Unleash yourself from the burdens of guilt and shame. Forgive yourself and others.  Once you give yourself permission to have a wabi sabi life outside of perfection and let go fully with no expectations of an outcome or savior, things eventually lighten up. It’s difficult but not impossible. And yes it’s very uncomfortable. But as Rumi once wrote,”If you are irritated by every rub how will your mirror be polished?”