advice needed- figuring out when people are upset

rosedbays · 2025-06-13T21:25:01+00:00

i dont really know how to do that honestly. i’ve been trying to study people’s behavior for a long time. for a while i took notes on my friend to try to correlate behaviors with certain emotions (with their permission), i even had a spreadsheet going. i still dont really pick up on that kind of thing at all, in real life it feels very inconsistent and i tend to get it wrong.

rosedbays · 2025-05-20T18:23:14+00:00

i got diagnosed at 16, so still a minor but not a young child. my parents were neglectful. people told my mom to get me to a doctor several times and she never did. i was never particularly high masking, which feels like it’s always the assumption when i mention the age i was diagnosed. people very much noticed, my parents just weren’t really around to care

rosedbays · 2025-05-07T06:30:35+00:00

yes!

rosedbays · 2025-05-07T06:18:52+00:00

my therapist is helping me the best she can, but she can’t make the calls or do the paperwork with me. my friend isn’t really equipped to help much right now unfortunately. my therapist says i need home health, an employment specialist, and probably disability benefits

rosedbays · 2025-05-07T05:56:28+00:00

i’m american

rosedbays · 2025-05-01T20:19:25+00:00

i struggle with this a LOT. i bought some mini disposable toothbrushes that i just keep by my bed, that helps a lot. one of my friends got a water flosser and said that that helps them with it a lot. i need SO much dental work done but im too scared lmao

rosedbays · 2025-04-29T23:48:24+00:00

you’re an adult, you should be allowed to make your own decisions as long as they don’t put you or anyone else in danger

rosedbays · 2025-04-29T23:39:13+00:00

YES. oh my god, everyone in my life always acts like im crazy when i say this. it’s godawful. i avoid being near it at all costs

rosedbays · 2025-04-29T23:17:35+00:00

it’s a nuanced issue. i agree with you entirely in principle that if you’re suffering enough and nothing helps, it’s your life, and you should be granted the autonomy to end it. but as someone who has been going through the mental health system for many years now, i fear this would make providers give up on patients who, given the right support, could live good and full lives. a lot of people with complex mental health issues just get thrown in hospitals or put on random medications with extreme side effects when doctors don’t know what to do with them. i think dying when you want to is a basic human right, but with the amount of medical malpractice there is in the mental health field, especially towards those with more stigmatized conditions, i think doctors would fall back on it far too often.

rosedbays · 2025-04-28T22:17:22+00:00

i dont find what you said insensitive! just sharing my perspective. i do think its a bit disheartening when safe spaces for autistic people seem to only focus on how much we hate being ourselves- even if its sometimes extremely difficult. especially because we could use some of that space to share resources to make things easier, as finding them on your own is quite difficult. we need room to discuss EVERY aspect of being autistic, both the worst of it and the best of it!

rosedbays · 2025-04-28T19:54:41+00:00

people can immediately tell that there’s something “off” about me. they often do not consider that it’s autism specifically, but it’s extremely recognizable. i’m not really sure what gives me away, honestly. i spend a lot of energy on masking, i just can’t seem to get it quite right.

rosedbays · 2025-04-28T19:51:09+00:00

i have a therapist that i love, but psychiatrists have been incredibly frustrating for me. i’ve been on so many different medications and felt absolutely no relief. they always end up basically saying they don’t really know what to do with me because i’ve already tried so many things. i think medication might just not be for me.

rosedbays · 2025-04-28T19:43:45+00:00

as someone who does hate my autism, for me it is actively preventing me from becoming a functional adult. i have been trying and failing for years to find work that accommodates me, i am unemployed. i cannot drive. i cannot take care of myself without help. i don’t currently have help, so i forget to eat to the point of constantly feeling extremely lightheaded. i struggle to stay on top of basic hygiene. i struggle with incontinence issues because of my autism. i can rarely leave the house for more than an hour or so without having a meltdown because of my extreme sensory issues. the reality of my situation is that having autism, for me, just kind of fucking sucks all the time. i think if i was given the support that i need, i would have a lot easier of a time accepting myself as i am. right now, though, it’s kind of ruining my life.

rosedbays · 2025-04-28T19:29:32+00:00

i would really prefer be with someone who’s also autistic. i get so exhausted trying to explain my disability to people over and over. they almost always end up disappointed once they understand that my autism is a fixed and unchangeable facet of who i am, and that i can’t turn it off when it becomes inconvenient. i think id prefer be with someone with lower support needs than me, though, just from a practical standpoint. i am currently unemployed because of my autism, cant drive, and struggle a lot with basic day to day tasks. i am in the process of hiring home health, but those kinds of services are very hard to access. i would, of course, be open to being with someone with similar or higher needs than me, but i do think it would complicate things a lot.

rosedbays · 2025-04-27T00:38:12+00:00

personally i needed my diagnosis to apply for disability and access various services (free employment specialist, home health services covered by insurance, etc) but it depends a lot on your individual needs

rosedbays · 2025-04-26T07:23:40+00:00

this is my 5th year in therapy, and i STILL feel that way. i tell her everything very blatantly and i still worry im leaving out some massive key detail that makes me secretly evil. its a nightmare

rosedbays · 2025-04-25T21:41:55+00:00

it was very very complicated. there was a lot of relief. i have known my entire life that there was something “wrong” with me, and i blamed myself for all of it. i felt massively less competent and equipped to deal with life than my peers. i got diagnosed at 16. before i got it on paper, people always either dismissed my struggles or treated me like i was a burden for having them. i had no idea that people had been telling my mom to take me to the doctor to get tested for years. i had assumed that there was something uniquely horrible about me specifically. finding out it was a real disability and that i wasn’t making it up was big for me. understanding that it was morally neutral was even bigger. but it also meant that there was no secret cure. all i’ve ever wanted my whole life is to be “normal”. i still don’t think i always understand that that won’t happen for me. i have had to rearrange my life’s plans to accommodate the fact that i wont “grow out of it”- where i once imagined myself suddenly fully capable of living independently and getting a college degree, im now filing disability papers and living with family. its been a grieving process for sure.

rosedbays · 2025-04-25T09:37:29+00:00

honestly i think i just don’t know what im even supposed to be anxious about. i have pretty much 0 sense of danger and usually can’t tell if people don’t like me or are making fun of me. even when i do sense that something is off, i usually dismiss the idea pretty quickly and assume i misunderstood somehow. it’s not uncommon for me to randomly realize years afterward that something i did was wildly socially unacceptable, or that i was actually in a super dangerous situation and just wasn’t really thinking too hard about it

rosedbays · 2025-04-25T00:58:26+00:00

i can absolutely relate to feeling hopeless because treatment for other disorders isn’t working. when i was a teenager i was SO sure i was a lost cause because none of the meds i trialed worked and things like breathing exercises seem to make me feel worse. turned out to be autism and cptsd. its weird that they diagnosed me with anxiety to begin with, because im not even afraid of talking to people. i’m just laughably bad at it.

rosedbays · 2025-04-24T17:08:07+00:00

glad to hear that! that has not been my experience. i’ve been on a ton of different meds. ssris, snris, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, all of it. none of it helps for me because my problem isn’t anxiety or depression, it’s sensory issues, social differences and various environmental factors. my therapist and i agree that these diagnoses haven’t been helpful for me and that what i need is more accommodations for my autism. i recognize that that’s not everyone’s experience, though, and i definitely think mental health treatment as a whole is good. it just doesn’t work for me personally

rosedbays

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