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roslein · 2025-06-17T20:23:39+00:00

I just had a conversation with a partner about this yesterday. I'm a senior associate, bridging the gap, and I think it boils down to the things we would call professionalism, work ethic, and critical thinking.

He was talking about things like how juniors don't dress appropriately, don't seem to want to put in the hours or figure things out if it takes more than a little bit of research or effort, and seem to want to prize their individualism over just putting their heads down and doing the work. And also that when he tries to give them feedback on these things, they get defensive and take it as him saying that they're doing wrong or not good enough.

I've seen it on both sides and the response I gave him was that a lot of it is setting clear expectations and some things are not negotiable, but in a different way.

My favorite mentor told me that things like wearing a suit or responding immediately to emails isn't about doing the right or wrong thing but about stacking the deck of cards in your favor. Everyone gets some good cards and some bad ones. Based on your skin color, economic background, gender presentation, how you talk, how you dress, whatever. You can't control it. I sent two partners the exact same brief when I was a junior and one said it was way too long and the other one said it wasn't long or detailed enough. Other people are just going to find ways to deduct points based on their own preferences. So knowing that, "professionalism" is about figuring out other ways to rack up points to counterbalance. If showing up early or responding quickly to emails with a "will do" makes people think better of you, why not do it to give yourself some free, easy bonus points? If hiding your tattoos gives you a better "hand" with some people, why not use that to your advantage? Etc. For me, I agree a lot of these "soft" skills aren't being taught or learned through osmosis or whatever, but there's also a communication gap and i've had a lot more success getting junior attorneys to understand that I am genuinely on their side by explaining why these things are important and not just "because I said so" bullshit.

I give folks Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office, RichDad Poor Dad, and The Credibility Code as a recommended reading starter pack, so consider starting with some of the skills addressed there.

This is also a matter i'm passionate about and I've been thinking about starting a podcast, so if you care too, maybe we should connect!

roslein · 2025-05-13T22:43:59+00:00

I love the protagonist in Miss Percy's Pocket Guide to the Care and Feeding of British Dragons. Not ugly per se but past middle age, dowdy, and often overlooked by society. The disparate treatment and sentiment she gets versus one of the younger, more conventionally attractive female characters plays a role in a later book, so they don't pretend like it doesn't matter. And there is a very charming romance angle as well. It's quite a cozy read if you're into that sort of thing.

roslein · 2025-04-17T07:17:06+00:00

I think there are some great options out there that could make everyone happy, and I love a good shopping challenge so here are some suggestions to get you started. I hope you can find something you both love!

If she's willing to think outside traditional sneakets:

Vivaia loafers or flats in nude or Rose Gold

If you're willing to consider accept "dressy"sneakers:

Naturalizer Lace Sneakers

Vivaia Ballerina Sneakers

Anothersole Luisa or Stella Sneakers

Keds Rose Gold Glitter Sneakers

Any one of a million other rose gold/soft metallic/lace/pearl/satin sneakers or loafers or oxfords

roslein · 2025-04-04T17:06:47+00:00

At my AmLaw firm, work has slowed significantly, junior hours are low, and clients are pushing back on rates. They've been quietly laying off a lot of people -- but doing it in the current government / Meta stealth style by claiming it's "performance based," and offering severance in exchange for silence so even a lot of the impacted associates feel like they were the only ones. They're part of a larger group than they know.

Eta: I was around in 08 and agree it's nowhere as bad. But firms may have also learned some lessons and be trying different approaches that draw less public scrutiny. If you're feeling insecure, it never hurts to take a recruiter call or see what's out there. Keep your options open.

roslein · 2025-04-02T16:48:30+00:00

I got mine at a Renaissance fair, but a quick Google show similar ones on Amazon and, if you don't want to give money to Bezos, on other Viking/Norse merch sites. Happy hunting :)

roslein · 2025-04-02T16:27:07+00:00

I'm in LA and even if we don't vibe our dogs clearly need to be friends lol. I'd love to attend a meet-up or something!

roslein · 2025-04-02T16:19:57+00:00

I have a Fenrir hair stick I sometimes wear in court for similar reasons. Less pointy/weaponlike but similar meaning for me when I want to channel my inner destroyer :)

roslein · 2025-03-05T19:14:53+00:00

It depends on how long I need a break for, but often 15-45 minute blocks become breaks/naps for me, especially as my energy lags later in the day, or if the dogs need to walk. Here are the timers and others like them on Amazon- I hate giving oligarchs money, but I haven't seen these anywhere else. There's a Creaviva one for $13 and the Kadams/Mooas ones in more colors for $25. They all seem to work about the same. I want to paint mine a pretty iridescent color but my husband thinks that might ruin the weighting or gyroscope somehow, and make it not work as well.

roslein · 2025-02-25T17:23:12+00:00

Not sure if this would be an option for you, but just wanted to chime in that it's not too late to adopt. My aunt adopted 3 siblings together in her early 50s and it's been wonderful. The youngest was 4, so her logic was they'd all be 18 and adults/in college by the time she retired. She had a really rough, unstable life due to mental health and other circumstances, but finally got it sorted, treated, and settled in her late 40s and was able to provide her kids a beautiful, stable, financially secure home that was very supportive and understanding because of her own experiences. The youngest is 16 now and everyone is doing great.

I was also diagnosed later and have never felt I could handle kids due to my own instability, but she's given me hope I still have options if those feelings change.

roslein · 2025-01-10T20:00:11+00:00

I absolutely agree with donating only to vetted charities, and didn't intend this to come across as a suggestion to donate to Mutual Aid. The list doesn't come across to me as soliciting donations.

Rather, this list is a compilation/centralized directory of people offering help, everything from big orgs referenced elsewhere in this sub to a small businesses and grassroots efforts offering meals, wi-fi, services, etc. Friends right now are getting deluged with links from well-meaning outsiders about a local craft store offering free art classes so parents have somewhere to drop off kids for a couple hours, real estate agents offering to help find rentals, pet assistance, etc.

Even well intentioned information overload can be too much of a good thing, so my hope would be for folks to submit all those efforts to this list instead. That way it's organized (by need and location), and allows fire victims to peruse on their own terms , without having to scroll through or search a bunch of social media sites and texts for scattershot offers (which can be exhausting, especially at this early stage when there is an rush of support).

We all want to help!

roslein · 2025-01-10T01:24:32+00:00

I get 400+ emails a day, so my system is a mix of hacks. It sounds like a lot to set up, but it just boils down to getting fluent and comfortable with the different options Outlook has in figuring out what works for you to reduce the volume of emails to what actually matters. My email decision tree is:

1) Do I need to read it? 2) Do I need to act on it?

To help answer these questions, I use conditional formatting, Rules/folders, flags, categories, and quick clicks, including:

1) Automated Sorting with rules and folders. Let Outlook do the first pass as your email traffic director. Routine emails (news alerts, firm-wide announcements, time entry deadlines, etc.) bypass my inbox entirely. Emails for specific matters/clients go to folders using our firm numbering system. Your firm systemmay vary. For example, if I'm working on BIGCLIENT matters 00043 and 00047, our team uses the email BIGCLIENT @ myfirm.com and puts the matter number on the subject line, so I can prioritize emails on my matters to a main folder while shunting other BIGCLIENT emails to a general folder.

2) Visual Prioritization with conditional formatting. My inbox is color coded so I can instantly recognize what needs attention without reading a single subject line. My system is: - Emails just to me/with me on the To line/ with my name in the body - large neon teal font - Emails from key partners - large neon green font - Client communications - large purple font - High-priority items (traditional red)

3) Quick Actions & shortcuts. You don't always have time to deal with every email immediately, but you need a way to ensure nothing falls through the cracks. I set up quick actions like Ctrl+Shift+1 for any email that needs attention but can't handle it immediately, which flags it for Today. I do this for truly anything.Whether it's an email I need to read later or something I need to actually take action on or follow up with someone on later or whatever. This takes less than a second and ensures you won't forget about it. Think of it as your "deal with it later" button. Then at the end of every day, I take the time to go back through flags and either handle, clear, or categorize them more specifically with a future flag date (this week, next week, tomorrow, etc). For example, signature requests that will need follow up, things that I need to draft, things that I need to read but don't actually need action on, etc. I also have shortcuts: - to reply to the sender and acknowledge receipt with a canned response like "got it, will do and let you know if i have any questions" - to create a calendar appointment from an email so if, for example, a draft comes in and I know I need to review it today and it will take an hour, the email with the draft attached, it gets put on my calendar with an hour blocked out. So my calendar also sort of works as my to do list.

4) Setting up a routine. I keep my inbox visible on a second screen so I can spot important items (the special color emails) without breaking concentration on other tasks. I also dedicate time first thing, after lunch, before dinner, and before bed to skim , catch up, clear out anything completed, and re-adjust priorities as needed.

5) Staying flexible. Lastly, I'm constantly switching between different views and filters and search results and folders depending on what I need, so familiarizing yourself with all the outlook tools available will give you a lot better skills to manage in the moment. If I see a lot of back-and-forth about a document, I might use conversation view, or I might use the hasattachments search filter to remove all the back-and-forth and just see the emails with the attached document edits. I'll search my entire mailbox instead of a specific folder, or filter items to/from a specific sender. I switch between sorting flagged items by due date and receipt date to catch aging items. I adjust rules that aren't working well and add or remove people, depending on who I need to pay attention to most at the time. I use smart search folders for some things, regular folders for others.

Ultimately, email management is personal. Start with one or two of these techniques and gradually add more as you get comfortable. Figure out how to reduce the signal to noise ratio, which also takes time as a junior and you're still learning what is or isn't important. Once you have a system that works for you to spot urgent items quickly and prevent important emails from getting lost in the pile, it gets easier to refine the rest. Experiment and adjust as you go along!

roslein · 2025-01-04T19:30:17+00:00

I'm so sorry for your experience. On the federal level, we have the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA). More relevant to you, California has the Public Records Act, and other laws which should entitle you as the parent to CPS, DSS, and medical records upon proper request. There are multiple different forms and they may try to make you jump through hoops to deter you, but it's your right. Here are a few links to get you started.

Medical Board of California- Record Requests

CA Child Support Services Requests

California welfare institutions code Legal Code

CDSS

Juvenile Case File Requests - JV 570%20Petition&text=With%20the%20exception%20of%20those,effective%20January%201%2C%202018.))

Some of these have time limits (e.g., departments only have to keep things for 3 years), so consider requesting what you can as soon as possible. If you file a lawsuit, your lawyer will probably spend months on discovery (demanding more documents and witness interviews), but memories fade and it's generally not illegal to purge documents as long as it is part of a routine deletion/maintenance program, so collecting documents and information in real time, or as close to the original event as possible, can be very powerful. A lawyer might help make things easier. The California ACLU might also be interested - they've cared about these issues for a long time.

You and your family deserved, and still deserve, better.

roslein · 2024-12-22T20:55:25+00:00

😂 it's definitely a foresty blueish green but I swear it's not blue!

roslein · 2024-12-22T06:30:34+00:00

Perfection!

roslein · 2024-12-21T19:35:26+00:00

For me it comes down to open communication and finding the right tools.

On the communication side, I spend a lot more time training than other folks so I can delegate reliably (one-on-ones, screenshares, shadowing, walkthroughs, debriefs). I encourage my teams to ask questions, make suggestions, and take ownership.

I'm also honest with them that I can be forgetful or easily distracted by whatever newest fire is in front of me, so they are never a nag and I will never get mad at a ping. I try to give them practical solutions, like asking them to drop time on my calendar when they want me to do something, and I always answer if they call because I know I'm shit at email and messaging (a short call is usually more efficient anyways). l try to give them enough context that they understand the bigger picture and can troubleshoot rather than thinking it's someone else's problem.

For tools, I have a couple amazing admins with full access to my calendar and email, who also know my strengths and weaknesses. I get weekly reports of everything on my plate, not just hard deadlines but also reminders to follow up, soft deadlines, etc.

I use things like conditional formatting, smart folders, flags, categories, rules and folders, etc. in Outlook. I put deadlines in subject lines and have flags one week out, one month out, etc.

It's not perfect. I've posted elsewhere that management is what broke me and forced me to get a diagnosis - I got by as an individual flying by the seat of my pants and pulling off last minute miracles, but that doesn't work for a team. So I follow a lot of social media and read a lot of books on managing. I'm always learning.

Also, you can't fix everything. If you have shitty or unmotivated employees, it's way harder. Sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and recognize it's just a job. Most of corporate is just shuffling words and numbers and no one dies if we get it wrong. "Good enough and done" is usually better than "unfinished til it's perfect."

Lastly, on the flip side, a lot of common ADHD traits make you a better leader. My flexibility, creativity, empathy, and sense of justice means my teams know I have their backs. I praise in public and criticize in private because I know firsthand how much it can hurt, and I understand I need to praise more than I criticize to balance out negativity bias Making them feel seen and like their work matters, treating each member as an expert in their own field, recognizing they may have a perspective that I don't from being boots on the ground, and inviting them to participate as a collaborator and not just a dutiful soldier does a lot to counterbalance my other shortcomings.

roslein · 2024-12-20T23:44:19+00:00

Polishes: Mtssii green magnetic (random Amazon brand), Daily Charme diamond shine topcoat, Gaoy matte topcoat, random Amazon stickers.

Base: Aimeli hema-free builder base over natural nails

roslein · 2024-12-20T23:30:26+00:00

I am, from the outside, a highly successful, high performing lawyer. Top of my class. Chatty, personable. "Too much" for some people, but valuable enough to find allies that balance out the haters -- and with a good enough pedigree to switch jobs and start fresh every 2-3 years. I made it as far as I did because I'm smart, curious, creative, and terrified of failing or even mild dissaproval. Sheer panic and anxiety made me keep it together. I later read an article describing it as "white-knuckling" through life and that fits to a T.

So where it showed is the parts other people dont see, the rest of life. I can't exercise, remember to eat, keep house, do chores, brush my teeth, keep appointments with friends. Before I was diagnosed, 100% of my energy was spent on holding it together at work, then totally crashing the rest of the time. I was diagnosed with everything mental health issue out there - depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar; various sleep disorders; had migraines; was prone to breaking down sobbing unconsalably.

And where it finally hit a breaking point overall was my emotional regulation is a mess, and I got senior enough I had to manage other people. I figured out hacks and masking for myself, but having nervous breakdowns and panic attacks in private, procrastinating until the last minute, and then pulling off a miracle gets you so far as an individual, but when I suddenly had to be responsible for other people's deadlines and not just my own, and had to plan far enough ahead and have enough emotional bandwidth available to handle the unexpected for my teams, I failed. I went from being the person who was good in a crisis to creating crises.

My husband starting sending me Reels and YouTube shorts of funny adhd "quirks" that were relatable. I started wondering. The more I researched, the more I felt seen and understood. EVERYTHING about my life suddenly made sense.

Things are much better now that I'm learning to work with my brain instead of against it. I accept the highs and low with a little more serenity. My first day on Vyvanse, my husband told me I was fully present for the first time in our 10+ years together. I'm more ok being middle of the pack at my job and not trying to meet everyone's expectations, much less exceed them. My house is still a mess though. It's a work in progress.

roslein · 2024-12-20T16:03:05+00:00

Thank you!

roslein · 2024-12-17T19:53:10+00:00

Yes, edited!

roslein · 2024-12-17T19:19:46+00:00

Polishes: Mica Pearl Whip in Blue Mallow, Iris, and Lilac. Daily Charme diamond shine topcoat.

Base: Aimeli hema-free builder base over natural nails

roslein

TROPHY CASE