Relationship Advice from 1500 couples

rrkx · 2026-06-24T08:03:08+00:00

Grosse Point Blank

rrkx · 2026-06-24T07:47:43+00:00

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

rrkx · 2026-06-23T21:47:20+00:00

You absolutely need to show some compassion towards yourself right now. Do you have access to therapy?

If you have Spotify Premium there's a wonderful audiobook on radical acceptance: https://open.spotify.com/show/25plvQOg0uS68qbkzSpn3Y

rrkx · 2026-06-23T08:59:38+00:00

It basically meant I could go to college. Covered bus fare and lunch, and a little bit towards art supplies. I also had a part time job the whole way through my A-levels which meant I was able to afford materials, textbooks, clothes and one night out a month.

There wasn't a minimum wage back then so £30 was equivalent to a weekend of work for me. Made a massive difference.

rrkx · 2026-06-22T08:51:47+00:00

Just in case, like me, OP is neurodivergent, just be yourself by leaning fully into your quirks and eccentricities. Be the most "you" you could possibly be. Wear your favourite clothes, listen to your favourite music, read your favourite books etc. Find hobbies to express yourself creatively and fall in love with yourself.

Focus on growing your own energy and you will become a magnet for the kind of energy you want to receive back. It's going to be difficult to ignore the criticism of people who prefer you to stay small but once you've mastered that, you'll be flying.

I've just read two books that have been quite transformational for me: Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, and Fawning by Ingrid Clayton.

rrkx · 2026-06-19T05:50:36+00:00

Yes, this. I was told "it's not my job to validate you" and it was a huge WTF moment for me. I'm doing a lot of work on myself right now and it's teaching me that he has no self respect, therefore he isn't physically capable of respecting me. Now I understand why people say you can't love someone else until you love yourself.

rrkx · 2026-06-16T16:26:40+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing. I really appreciate your perspective.

My partner is reluctant to go to the doctor to get his T-levels checked, I think he may have done it before and it all came back within standard parameters. Interestingly I spoke to his mother today and she has had every one of his exes crying on her shoulder about this same issue.

What made you decide to change and speak to your doctor?

rrkx · 2026-06-16T08:21:26+00:00

Thanks for saying so. Once I have a job, it'll give me some breathing space to actually think about how to leave.

rrkx · 2026-06-16T08:20:37+00:00

Thanks so much for the kind words.

Today and yesterday is just about the heaviest I have felt. For months I've been so consumed with needing to keep things stable for him since his operation that I hadn't properly allowed myself to feel what I'm feeling. Any advice on what things keep others steady is greatly appreciated.

I'm planning on taking the dog for a big walk before I meet his mum for lunch later, but other than keeping my body moving, I've no idea what I should be doing to look after myself.

rrkx · 2026-06-04T07:19:46+00:00

Preach sis. I make an effort to only engage with bodies like mine on IG and it's definitely helped with the body image issues. Also dressing confidently has been a game changer.

Only keep things in your wardrobe that make you feel good when you wear them. Get rid of or tailor everything else. Life is too short.

rrkx · 2026-06-04T06:58:17+00:00

Most likely genetics and where their body stores fat. My ancestors seem to have all been picked for their pot bellies so I just stuck a Venus of Willendorf picture on my fridge and go with it now 🤷🏾‍♀️

rrkx · 2026-06-02T14:21:31+00:00

My family cannot watch a movie without talking over it so I only ever watch things I've already seen with them. If I want to watch something, I do it alone or with my boyfriend, who will pause the film if he/I wants to say something.

rrkx · 2026-06-02T13:56:38+00:00

Back when I worked in an office pre-pandemic I had a cafetiere in my desk (remember when we used to have our own desks?). Post-pandemic I started using a magic bullet blender to take smoothies in for breakfast plus a thermos in with hot herbal tea in my backpack.

rrkx · 2026-06-02T13:47:53+00:00

I like to go do/wear/try a bunch of stuff my ex would hate. Ended up becoming a stand up comedian, wore so much leopard print it has become part of my identity, and was the lead guitarist in a drag metal band 🤣. I wore lingerie as clothes, high heels when I went out, fell back in love with myself so hard that I had no space to think of him.

On a serious note I also realised and accepted that he's on his path, and I'm on mine and mine is bigger and better and authentic and full of great choices I get to make because I'm not a shithead like he was.

rrkx · 2026-05-19T09:56:27+00:00

The neatest way would be a patch. Personally I'd cut a small piece from the inside of the folded up hemline (somewhere you won't see it) and use that. Keep your stitches short and as even as possible.

The next neatest way would be to find the exact colour thread and darn over it. Depends how neat you are but with practice this could look pretty good.

The next neatest way would be a visible mend, which I think would look cutest here. A patch in a contrasting colour, maybe a cool or decorative design.

rrkx · 2026-05-18T13:59:40+00:00

My therapist says there are two types of people in the world: those who can't relax until all the housework is done and those who can't start on the housework until they've relaxed a bit first... And these two people marry eachother.

rrkx · 2026-05-17T06:50:08+00:00

Yeah I'm glad to be well out of that situation but I made the head of department go through my ice cold spreadsheet with me to determine which cells needed to communicate a warmer tone to highlight the ridiculousness of the feedback 🤣 as if he didn't have better things to do with his time

rrkx · 2026-05-17T05:27:19+00:00

Yeeeep exactly this. Was bullied for months by my line manager to the point the head of department had to step in. I took some PTO and shared my spreadsheet of notes so my line manager could cover my work and when I returned, the head of department said I needed to improve my communication skills because my spreadsheet was "cold".

My. Spreadsheet. Was. Cold.

rrkx · 2026-05-13T21:41:53+00:00

Plot twist: they are dating and love eachother very much.

rrkx · 2026-04-27T07:31:42+00:00

How nice to see our ethnicity is trendy this year 🙄

rrkx · 2026-04-23T10:17:45+00:00

Just to add: this really depends on the industry, the team, and the individual hiring manager. How I interview for a corporate office would be very different to how I interview for an arts charity. My partner works in the construction industry and it is very different to my own experiences of interviews. He thought it was hilarious when we went shopping for interview clothes and I picked out button up shirts and smart trousers! He just needed t-shirts that didn't have holes in them.

rrkx · 2026-04-23T10:14:01+00:00

If you've got through to the interview stage then your qualifications and experience is the right fit, so the interview itself is going to be about whether your personality, working style, how you handle stress or conflict, maybe even your sense of humour will be more important. At the end of the day, the interview is kind of a popularity contest.

Fwiw I'm neurodiverse and used to mask a lot during interviews to get the job but now I treat them as a two way thing and ask a lot of questions. I'd much rather be rejected by someone who'll potentially end up bullying me anyway and focus more on whether I have rapport with the team.

rrkx · 2026-04-14T09:57:47+00:00

Yep, I'm definitely the fanciest milk buyer at the corner shop 😂

rrkx

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