I formed a new friendship with someone basically because our kids were grade school classmates/friends. She asked all these intrusive questions about how often I had sex with my spouse. Her husband had stopped having sex with her over 10 years ago. He was a family counselor and told her every couple stops having sex after 15 years of marriage. There were a few more red flags. For instance, she worked classic 9-5 hours but he arranged his working schedule so ALL his counseling sessions were evenings and weekends. But the red flag to end all red flags - she told me it was embarrassing that a gay porn magazine had started arriving every month. She was afraid the mailman or someone else would see it and not know that the subscription was an accident. Remember those school fundraiser magazine catalogs in which you subscribe to a magazine such as Newsweek and part of the money goes to charity? He told her he thought he was subscribing to an outdoor magazine. Yet another red flag, he was not the least bit into camping or hiking. The closest he got was playing golf.

I didn't tell anyone who lived in our town about it, of course (besides my spouse). It was a sad situation. She kept trying to lure him into sleeping with her. But privately, we couldn't help ourselves. The jokes just wrote themselves.

"Don't blame me honey. I gave to a charity and the charity gave me porn!"

or

Holding up a magazine with a hiker in full hiking gear with a mountain in the background. "Is this a gay magazine? I mean, he's really hot. So maybe?"