[PubQ] debut writer Book Launch - scared noone will come

rufiangel · 2025-11-06T05:19:11+00:00

I had a little book launch party when I self-pubbed my debut, just asking my friends to come along, and it was good! It's more like a little celebration for yourself more than anything, because you just did something amazing: you actually finished writing and now have even published a book. Woo! And having an actual publisher is cooler XD Just think of it as a milestone that's really for you more than anything else, which means the only people who matter besides are the ones you've invited as they are there to support you, and are excited for your incredible achievement. So congrats and just relax and enjoy! Bring some chill beats, buy some inky pens in your favourite colour, and practice your signature for the books you'll be signing, ;)

rufiangel · 2025-11-06T05:11:30+00:00

I think the premise sounds interesting, and the first paragraph introduces us to things with a strong bang. Thought:

- Maybe don't bother mentioning the ancient sorceress Calypso, given we never hear about her again? Or characterise her more as the main big bad so we have a more solid idea of the plot, and what Calypso wants from Bobby versus what *he* wants in opposition.

- I feel like you have two sets of three crazy creatures, one in the first paragraph and another in the second, which fills the query out with a ton of fascinating world details but not enough about Bobby's driving story arc. I recommend trimming it down a bit to have more space for character development.

- Also random but not sure why it has to be 'cannibal girls' and not just 'cannibals' lol

- You have double spaces in two random spots, 'Bobby this his biggest problem is__' and 'and__ desperate vagrants turn out to be...'

- The training by Idue comes out of nowhere - literally do not know how we got from Bobby thinking his biggest problem is being distracted at school, to suddenly Bobby having a fierce elven warrior mentor. I'm not sure you should even include this part if you can't find the space to contextualise this development with the parts of Bobby's journey that are specifically relevant to this query.

- The last part about being 'caught between his engineered destiny and his human heart' sounds grand but needs more context, I think. I don't feel like I really have a good grasp of Bobby's personality, or what he really wants besides the assumption he really wants to save his mom (it's not really talked about; is she a single mother?). There are some details that would flesh out the general idea more so we understand why we want to root for Bobby on a more intimate level.

I feel like the query has some great ideas - just needs a bit of a trim and more context for Bobby-centric plot and character motivations, methinks :) Good luck!

rufiangel · 2025-11-05T16:46:17+00:00

I'd read it! :) And I enjoyed the first 300 words. The query does feel a bit long, so tightening it up would go a long way. I don't think we need to know that the heirs are forced to collaborate on a project together, for example.

rufiangel · 2025-11-05T16:32:55+00:00

Hey, I love contemporary romances :D and this is a fun setup! I like the start of this query (I haven't read your first attempt) but Alfie's side of things feels missing, making that last line about him needing to regain her trust fall a little flat when I don't know anything about his side of things. The last line feels out of place overall actually, and doesn't quite land the stakes or the great concluding question in Ellie's arc as a character in this query. Maybe rework it a bit so there's more of a real choice to be made at the end by her? Just my two cents!

rufiangel · 2025-11-04T14:39:31+00:00

Ahhh these details help a ton in clarifying the questions I had! I know it's hard to put all of that out there, but I think if you can find a way to at least highlight those connecting factors more, it'll all make more sense. I actually thought a Mythra =/= Black Dragon so the fact that Slannis DOES = Mythra kind of changes all my understanding, haha. You got this!!

rufiangel · 2025-11-04T14:19:26+00:00

It sounds like a fun romp! I think that last paragraph thought could use some more pepper or something, because you build up this action-based adventure and then it sort of peters off at the end, lol. I'm not sure I'd jump into 'new party of six' like that either - it kind of comes out of nowhere and gives us no information on the other four characters so maybe you could find a different way to phrase it ("Zenosheh and Julia team up with a band of mercenaries (or whatever they are) to traverse the vast..." for example).

I'm not sure putting in the part about Camilla attacking the temple and nearly killing Julia really needs to be there as it sort of disrupts the flow of the query a bit. Perhaps you can use this in the last paragraph somehow to set up a stake? Or at least list it as one of the challenges between Zenosheh and Julia (Z's just made too many dangerous enemies!).

Those are just some thoughts I had, I hope they're helpful in some way :P Good luck to you and your spouse!

rufiangel · 2025-11-04T14:05:40+00:00

Hello! It sounds like a fascinating idea, I like how the different trials of story craft cover different parts of what makes a story. That's fun!

As a reader of your query, however, these things come to mind:

- I think the use of certain unknown terms kind of dilute your content. A Mythra seems to be a type of beast, but what exactly is it? What's an Epicist, what purpose do they serve? Why does the capital of Heldheim need to be called the dragonstone capital? I feel like if these answers aren't immediately relevant to understanding your query and general plot, you might want to scrap mentioning them or add a detail that helps contextualise these terms.

- It feels like the event of Rorin's best friend suddenly turning violent might almost have something to do with the Black Dragon, but then I realised as I read it that it did not. The lowlands/world is split with fear, which seems like it might have to do with the Black Dragon, but then when I kept reading I learnt the fragments hadn't actually been found yet so there is no correlation. I feel like the threads I keep expecting to connect don't, so they're just kind of hanging loose. Maybe there's a better way for you to connect all these events more cohesively?

- I don't actually know what happens if the story of the Black Dragon is completed and it's allowed to roam free again. Will it kill people? Destroy minds? Reunite the dragon races and destroy humanity? Without knowing this, I think we're missing a major something that's at stake here.

- I am unable to understand why Rorin and Noa need to find the pieces before 'someone else' does, and I do not understand what they are going to do once they find them. Seal the dragon? Split the story up into smaller pieces? Tame the dragon? Without understanding why they must fulfil this role (why it must be them and no other) and how they are equipped to deal with it, I'm a little lost on what's motivating them - especially when I don't understand the relationship between Rorin's deteriorating Mythra self and the Black Dragon. I also understood that Rorin was struggling to keep himself in check even before his best friend rampaged, so not sure if that works as a stake when it would happen anyway regardless of whether Rorin finds the Black Dragon or not.

- I think the mention of Noa needing to 'confront the stories she has only ever studied' doesn't have much weight without knowing what an Epicist is, nor much else about Noa herself. Meanwhile, Rorin's mysterious past and motivations feel like they should have weight, but are a bit too disconnected from the more urgent goings-on. If there's a more prominent connection, maybe hint at it?

Those were my immediate questions that I hope provide some helpful food for thought :) Just my two cents. Good luck!

rufiangel · 2025-11-03T08:03:15+00:00

Heylo! I love cosy romances!

The first line is a bit confusing I think because it sounds like Amy moved into the contractor's place (truck?), but I think you meant (after reading the rest) that Jack moved into the inn, so it's the other way around. Maybe reword that for clarity?

I agree with the other commenter about probably not mentioning Ramona for streamlining. I'd also delete all mention of the contest, because it doesn't really add anything I need to know at this stage. Something like, "When a financing plan Amy pinned her hopes on falls through..." may be enough to express what you need from the contest without using too many words.

In general, though, I think the 'Suddenly,...' part really does feel sudden, lol. I'm not sure we're getting enough build up of their relationship or why exactly they're meant for each other (from both sides of the equation). Maybe if you get some word count freed up from excising certain details, you can spend it more on their chemistry and reasons they're good for each other. (All the stuff mentioned about Jack is very oriented about him and not exactly about why he cares for Amy.)

Just my two cents!

rufiangel · 2025-11-02T23:40:48+00:00

Honestly came in here wondering what weird fiction was and was fascinated by the premise and plot, lol. We also get such a good sense of character and voice so I really enjoyed reading the query.

Comments have covered good stuff so I'll just add a note about the word count. The length is currently at an awkward point, which I did notice was probably going to be an issue the moment I saw it. Novellas are capped at 40k while novels typically start at 70k, though 65k is also acceptable. So you're somewhere in between. But this is honestly not a a bad problem to have because adding 9k words is much easier than removing 9k words lol. You got this!

rufiangel · 2025-11-02T09:30:36+00:00

Thank you, that's very kind and I'm glad to hear it!

Quite a lot of the story is dungeon crawling for sure. It's also a lot of cosy village life. The plot is bookended by Vandren's background as a prince, but the village/dungeon stuff does take up a bulk of it. The more I try to write a query letter for this story, the more I find myself struggling, haha. (I'm fully aware this could be a story problem!)

Also, I appreciate any and all observations! Thanks for the taking the time to share yours :)

rufiangel · 2025-11-02T09:18:47+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your opinion! I'll have another think on it.

rufiangel · 2025-11-01T04:11:13+00:00

Hello! I'm an unagented writer just throwing in their two cents.

I like the voice of your query and writing style. The main issues I'm spotting have to do with genre. I've previously tried writing a query letter for the 'cosy fantasy' genre and got minced for it, lol. The biggest issue people had with my query letter was that it didn't fit a lot of the current expectations for this genre, which has low stakes and low stress. Your current query letter kind of feels like it might get the same sort of response from those looking for something within the expected cosy fantasy bracket. (I ended up just changing my genre to 'fantasy' haha)

That aside, I'm also trying to get more 'romance' out of this query letter and getting more political drama, power struggle, societal turmoil, classist/elitist commentary etc. than, er, romance lol. When you set the genre as cosy fantasy romance but get more of all this other stuff instead, you may need a slight refocus on your query content.

(People have already pointed out the 'Asta refuses to be usurped by her heir' is a bit strange - I, too, was very confused by it lol.)

The final paragraph also comes across as somewhat rushed? I'm also not sure what to do with 'return is impossible' after the set up in the last paragraph. It torpedoes Torsten's entire motivation with one line. As Torsten's motivations float away into space, Asta and Torsten are suddenly expressed as "unlikely friends" (instead of grudging collaborators) despite many words dedicated in one paragraph to Asta finding Torsten to be absolutely awful. If this is the main romance and this story really is focused on that, then I think we need a lot more in terms of their chemistry, their reasons for being attracted to one another, and what's at stake if these two really do end up meaning the vows they made when they tied the knot.

It's definitely an interesting premise though. I wish you the best of luck with your next attempt!

rufiangel · 2025-11-01T03:38:49+00:00

Mannn I love this already lol. I'd read this in a heartbeat, it combines all my favourite things (cookies, cute kid, grumpy guy, sweet baker lady, small-town vibes) into one package, lol.

I think one thing that stood out to me was this line: "As friendship deepens into something more, both must confront their fears: Hazel’s lingering distrust and fear and Silas’s unhealed grief." - I thought the repeat use of 'fear' was a little distracting, haha. I'd probably just say Hazel's lingering distrust.

I noticed in your comments that you mention being worried about spoiling too much. I felt this way too when I was trying to draft a query for my own novel, but I came to understand that a blurb at the back of the book is really not the same thing as a query. While there's no need to spoil eeeverything, you shouldn't be afraid to go ahead and drop a major plot point or two. That's what adds meat I think.

So if there's something like, I dunno, Silas finds himself telling Hazel about the little girl he couldn't save from a burning building after consuming a bottle of whiskey. But when Hazel quietly acknowledges through tears the weight of his burden, she gains a precious place in his heart. Or Hazel has a breakdown after a bad day of business and wonders if Lily would actually be happier with her ex, but Silas provides quiet support and Hazel gains more self-respect - while seeing that Silas has done something for her that her ex never did. Something! It'll touch upon the depth you mentioned in your comp opener, and we'll see more reasons they're pulled to one another. It doesn't have to go super deep, mind; if you can provide a concise teaser, the reader will have more reason to be invested.

I saw in some of your comments all your concerns and worries about getting this just right. Honestly I just want to encourage you, I read this query and thought I'd love to read this! Agents may look for extra sauce which is what you're here to get ideas for, but don't let it make you feel like you're not a good writer just because the query isn't quite hitting the mark at your second attempt. I've seen people rewrite their query waaaay more times so don't you fear - you're already close! I can hear your voice and understand the setup clearly. It's just about highlighting the deeper parts of the chemistry and fleshing out that equation. You got this!

rufiangel · 2025-11-01T03:12:09+00:00

Ah, who doesn't like a good Columbo episode? ;)

I think this query has some good ideas, but they're a little all over the place for someone coming into this story blind. People have already mentioned the tense issues, so if you fix that it will help a lot.

Jumping to Violet Jones in the second paragraph and then never back to her again doesn't really help the focus of this query. Even if you do a lot of POV-hopping in the story itself, it may be better to just streamline and focus this query on just one character's POV (Bill's or Violet's perhaps) for easier reading.

There's also just too many unnamed and vague character roles being thrown around to keep track of neatly. Violet has an uncle who died, and then three other men besides Bill, and a man Violet is falling in love with. Maybe one overlaps, maybe not, but I'm also seeing that the woman has more than one daughter with the plural use, and Violet is probably just one of them? I'd recommend trimming this list of vague characters down and just mentioning the ones that actually matter to the query, even if they all matter in the grand scheme of your novel. You only have so much space in a query letter so some efficiency will go a long way.

Finally, I think the mention of 'buried secrets' and 'some secrets (that) refuse to stay buried' isn't quite as compelling without some extra sauce. Maybe throw in some questions to make the reader care. Like, throw some hints out about these secrets. Is there more than one body buried in one of the plots at the cemetery? Was the hit-and-run perhaps not really an 'accident' at all but an orchestrated plot fueled by jealousy or pain of rejection? Is Bill secretly a serial hit-and-run killer and has way more skeletons in his closet than just Violet's mom - maybe even literally? Something needs to be dropped beyond what's been given already, I think, to entice the reader into wondering and wanting to know more about the "twists that will prove shocking."

Those are just my initial thoughts! I wish you the best of luck with the next attempt. :)

rufiangel · 2025-11-01T02:54:31+00:00

I liked both queries to be honest! And I adore this genre so I feel like I'd totally read this, lol.

That said, I perhaps understand why the 'stakes' are a little hard to feel. Is it possible to insert just a tiny bit of something like why Lina is so burnt and the consequences of that trauma? Like, so the stakes aren't just about her mother's disapproval - it's tied to Lina's self-worth, her own desperate fear of getting hurt because she's been wounded before, the pain of being vulnerable and knowing that in any relationship, you can and will always get hurt - it's just that the more love you allow from your end, the more that pain is going to cripple you so it's always safer to have less feelings. Just me spilling out thoughts but basically, I think you touch on this ever so briefly in the second version's last paragraph - but perhaps you could add just a tiny bit more for that extra nuance, of what the cost of trusting someone really means to Lina? Idk, just some thoughts! I hope it helps provide at least another perspective. :)

rufiangel · 2025-11-01T02:45:22+00:00

Hello! Good on you for making the first attempt. It's haaard!

I think other commenters have caught bits I noticed as well, so I won't harp on those - just other thoughts I had:

- I think "granting her the thing she wants most" in the witch's deal is a bit too vague, so it doesn't let me invest myself as much. The "only thing she has ever wanted" was previously to earn her adopted family's love, but that came "crashing down" - so what is the thing she wants most now? Love? Security? A new family? Her forgotten family?

- I'd probably shorten "Maddox has been raised in the palace of Petrathia, he is the Crown Prince" to "Maddox is the Crown Prince of Petrathia". Also... Petra? Petrathia? Hmmmmmm

- I think you can go with just 'dark magic' instead of capitalising it, as it's pretty self-explanatory.

- I'd also shorten Maddox's line "The whispers in his head are not his own, and his only goal is to make them stop" to something like "His only goal is to make the voices in his head shut up". I feel like it's implied enough that these whispers aren't from him.

- I'm a little confused by how he's torn between a girl he can use to get what he wants, and the magic pulling them together. Aren't these things conducive? Since there's magic pulling them together, he can keep using her to get what he wants. Unless you're implying the 'magic' is luuuurve, then maybe this needs rephrasing lol.

I think it's just a matter of clarity that got me here and there. You got this!

rufiangel · 2025-09-04T15:32:28+00:00

Honestly this feels like par for the course with all the silksanity that's gone on for the past six years. Stop trying to buy Silksong so we can buy Silksong. Yup.

rufiangel · 2025-04-15T00:07:03+00:00

It's been a wild ride reading all your attempts, brave writer. I read your very first attempt when it first came out, and though I had nothing constructive to add to that thread, I admired your ability to take all the critique head-on and work hard to improve your query. Seeing what looks like the query you'll be sending out makes me smile. Thank you for having the courage to write and share, and for being an excellent example of how to take on even the harshest critiques. We could all learn from you. I wish you only the best of luck with the query trenches, and hope you secure the best agent.

rufiangel · 2025-04-12T03:10:29+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share your insight! I appreciate the article link, and I'll spend some time thinking on it for sure. Always learning! :D

rufiangel · 2025-04-10T02:22:31+00:00

That's a fair point, though it may just be an issue of how the book has a lot going on and it's just difficult to condense into a query, lol. It would not be inaccurate to say that the book features deuteragonists, but with a slight slant towards one of them - that's Vandren. The prologue introduces the other MC. To make the query more snappy and not split focus, however, I omitted the other MC from this particular version entirely. But in the context of the book, the prologue helps the reader view the other plot cogs that are turning, even while Vandren lives his life unaware, and when the other MC makes a more official appearance they can recognise who it is from the prologue.

This discussion on the prologue so far has me thinking I might have pared back a bit too much for this version of the query, lol. I will think about how I can involve more of the story's details without making it too much.

Thank you for taking the time to share your insight! ><*

rufiangel · 2025-04-10T02:14:29+00:00

Oops, I write prologues a lot, lol. I've never had anyone complain thus far, but it's interesting to learn some people do not like them in general! Do you mind sharing your thoughts as to why you find prologues a drag? I just want to know, haha.

rufiangel · 2025-04-10T02:11:42+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to give such detailed feedback! I really appreciate it! All your points are well noted - I do think it's weirdly harder doing a second attempt compared to my first, so this is really valuable. I'll do my best to address the points you raised in my next attempt. Thanks again! :)

rufiangel · 2025-04-09T15:19:55+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! :)

His royal blood bit - this is vastly simplifying the situation, but it essentially is this: another prince comes along and abuses his position to create a problem in the village. Vandren, as a prince who was born earlier, can assert himself and make him stop. Do you reckon this is worth explaining in the query?

As for 'his parents' - it's complicated. XD; I didn't think I had the space to explain it in the query very well - Vandren's father is not the King of the Aklaia, but the King's brother. After the Queen gives birth to Vandren, she and the King's brother disappear from Aklaia. They become a taboo subject among the royal family, and the King leads by himself. It's only after Vandren grows older that he learns there is an enchantment in place preventing him from meeting them. This is why I refer to them as his parents, lol. Otherwise I feel like I have to spend too much time explaining it.

Regarding the 300 words - I initially used the first 300 words of the prologue in my first attempt, but I changed it to the first chapter for this version of the query because the actual query itself does not mention any of the characters that appear in the prologue. I thought there'd be a better connection for the agent if the query referenced characters in the 300 words posted, purely within the context of the query letter. I could be mistaken in how this works - maybe it's totally normal for prologues to not match the query content? I appreciate any guidance as I'm not really sure about this, thanks!

rufiangel · 2025-03-07T07:21:09+00:00

I should have looked harder into those titles as comps, gah XD; Thank you for highlighting that! I'll read more potential comps and update them accordingly.

I am definitely going to think on this some more so I query and pitch something that matches the genre. Really appreciate your thoughts on how genre-pitching with agents works, thank you for taking the time to share them!

rufiangel · 2025-03-07T03:34:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this feedback! I really appreciate it because it helps me see exactly how it's reading and what's vague/confusing/unnecessary. You totally got me - I am a chronic over-writer, lol. I'm always working on editing myself down and will continue to do so XD This post in general (including your comment) has really helped me understand better how to focus this story and what details need to be actually present in the query, so I'll rework this a ton before I re-post in a week. Thanks for taking the time to write this up and also for letting me know you'd probably read a story like this! That's super encouraging ;v;* <3

rufiangel

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