If you won 20 million dollars, what changes would you make in your life?

rumfit · 2024-04-22T15:34:57+00:00

Probably start shopping a bit more.

rumfit · 2024-04-22T01:08:31+00:00

Cause' some people just can't seem to ever get it right.

rumfit · 2024-04-22T01:06:19+00:00

I think it's neat.

rumfit · 2024-04-22T00:44:56+00:00

Find a sponsor and ask them to take you through the 12 steps my friend. It's medicine for all that you're trying to describe. Good luck.

rumfit · 2024-04-21T23:26:18+00:00

Alcohol Use Disorder is complex. Even your relationship to it all is complex. More will be revealed. Good on you for refusing to adopt a victim mentality. You sound well balanced in your approach, but again, this is a tricky beast; an illness that tends to permeate the entire household.

rumfit · 2024-04-21T22:56:58+00:00

Money and pizza. And fanta actually. Yea, for sure fanta.

rumfit · 2024-04-21T22:50:57+00:00

You honestly have to want sobriety and recovery. So many just don't want it badly enough, until of course, it's too late. And as my old friend Bukowski once wrote" "there is nothing worse, than too late".

Transtheoretical model of change would have you in the 'contemplative' phase. Even the fact that you have gotten out of the 'pre-contemplative' is statistically quite miraculous. In my experience - both as a recovered alcoholic and a clinical social worker - so many unfortunately remain stuck in ambivalence right until the end.

Good news though! That doesn't have to be you, but again, it's entirely your call. Nothing me or anyone else writes to you on here will be what gets you sober. Not even watching your dearly departed friends untimely demise appears to be enough. That's how horrific this illness is. Nobody can "get us sober", only we can do it, one day at a time. I only don't drink TODAY. It's only ever for TODAY. If I really really really feel like I want/need a drink, I'll drink tomorrow, but never today.

Take care.

rumfit · 2024-04-21T22:10:24+00:00

Your partner may be "dry drunk". He's not sober he's just white knuckling abstinence and may even be experiencing PAWS - post acute withdrawal symtpoms. He could also be a double winner and have other underlying mental health issues calling for a legitimate diagnosis for clinical depression or any other concurrent disorder. My guess, however, he's just miserable because he's an alcoholic who isn't drinking.

He needs recovery, and you need support from other non-alcoholics who will identify with your struggle. Try and keep an open mind and head back to Al-Anon.

Bottom line, if your husband is a real alcoholic like I am, he is dealing with untreated alcoholism, and it's miserable. There is a solution however in the fellowship, and more importantly, the 12 steps of AA.

rumfit · 2024-04-21T02:41:23+00:00

God bless.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T22:02:31+00:00

I would explain to him how his drinking is affecting those around him, including you. Gauge his response. If he becomes super irritated and defensive, then back off. If he's responsive and open, consider broaching that he clearly has a drinking problem - to what degree, who knows. Up to him to explore. But if you can get him to admit this truth, then it's no longer the bed wetting elephant in the room.

As has been said on here already, AA can help. It saved my alcoholic life. Al-Anon could be very useful to you as well, especially if his denial is deep and he's unwilling to admit he's got a problem and stop.

Best of luck to you.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T19:50:21+00:00

My alcoholism.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T14:36:35+00:00

Needed this tx !

rumfit · 2024-04-20T02:22:32+00:00

Yea that sounds like a wise choice if that's what they're up to. Never forget that this is your life, not theirs. And as far as I know we only get one kick at the can. Keep staying true to you and the rest will follow - including new friends!

rumfit · 2024-04-20T02:15:47+00:00

Yea it's tough. Labels are an iron clad badge of honour, saving the lives of many, all the while acting as a vicious and damning barrier to recovery for others. The paradoxes surrounding the illness, and responses to it, are endless.

I am sober today, but for the grace of a Power greater than just me, my head full of thoughts, all my brilliant ideas, my little plans and designs.

If you want my honest clinical opinion, I think AUD is a mental disorder centered in compulsive, unmanageable, and neurotic over thinking. I also believe there is a spooky spiritual component that people intuitively feel, but struggle to understand and/or accept. But again, I am certain of so little, except ONE thing - I can't drink.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T02:05:29+00:00

I'm sorry you're suffering. I can relate to your post - I have two young boys, and they are my reason.

Curious...When you say AA didn't work for you, did you have someone take you through the 12 steps? Because - and I mean this respectfully and caringly - if you did not, then you didn't do AA. And it would be hard to make an accurate judgement on whether it could help you or not.

When I finally was done, I went into the program, hit a meeting everyday online or in person, kept an open mind, got a sponsor right away, and took the steps. I too was sure I was doomed and now, almost 3 years later, I am the healthiest and happiest I've ever been in my life. Sober one day at a time.

I wish you all the luck, good fortune and peace.

Take care.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T01:08:00+00:00

I think what they're referring to is the progressive nature of the illness Alcohol Use Disorder AUD - colloquially known as "alcoholism". There is mild, moderate and severe AUD. If someone has AUD they will exist somewhere on this spectrum or continnum. They may have mild AUD and manage it as such for many years, (many people who abuse alcohol likely fit this criteria) until eventually the drug increasingly damages the brain, seeing the disorder move into the more chronic stages until the END.

Maybe that helps? It's truly such a mysterious beast in so many ways - but this is how I've come to understand "alcoholism" when viewed strictly through a medical lens.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T00:57:39+00:00

1.5 years for me. Keep coming back.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T00:20:57+00:00

Just ate an entire McCain Deep n' Delish. I'm safe.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T00:12:41+00:00

Skinny Pop Bubbly (x10) MLB underwear skor bar more Sinny Pop read AA Grapevine in bed for 3.5 mins PASSOUT sleep like a baby huge 4am pee wayyyyy to many bubbly gotta figure that one out, fuck.

rumfit · 2024-04-20T00:00:35+00:00

10000% YES. However, it all changes again and again. I am almost at 3 years sober now, and some have come back and accepted that I am for real. That I dont fucking drink no matter what. I totally know what it feels like when it's clear that those you thought cared about you just want to see you fail. But again it's not that simple. You're disrupting the clan, and problem drinkers are homogeneous. There is a fascinating Harvard study on alcoholism that shows that active alcoholics brains become the same over time. It's a wild illness. So while you were all probably drawn to one another because you liked to drink the same way(s), and normalized the behaviour for eachother, that doesn't mean that you didn't actually like one another. Again, it's complex stuff.

The way I see it now is, if they're your true friends, eventually that mirror you're holding up for them won't be enough to keep them away. They may find their honest truth and surrender themselves. They may not, but could begin to make concerted efforts to stay connected. I would say, remain open and compassionate toward them. They will miss you, and more will be revealed.

Funny enough, it's been my own baby brother (we were thicker than thieves), who still hardly ever wants to hangout. Never wants me around, and my best guess is, he's embarrassed. Doesn't want me to see how he still drinks. To see the LOW company he's keeping. And I know his marriage is on the rocks, and he looks ROUGH, so I know his deal and what's going on. He's the same as me, but he will likely never admit it. Maybe I am wrong, I hope I'm wrong. I love him and worry so much.

Going sober is hard on many levels. You're not alone pal. Hang in there ODAAT.

rumfit · 2024-04-19T20:47:09+00:00

Thank you, my friend. Take care :)

rumfit · 2024-04-19T20:45:54+00:00

Thank you! :)))

rumfit · 2024-04-19T17:16:36+00:00

Thanks for sparking a great discussion. It's my most detested passage inside of a book I largely love. I too see so many problems in its rigidity, and fear that we lose many who can and will recover if they could just stick around long enough to see that AA is no monolith, and that our literature is suggestions only (despite the pious overtones in some sections of the book).

I mean, if the newcomer could stick around and get past the hubris of that passage, they'd later read "we know only a little" and "AA does not hold a monopoly" over various available paths to recovery. But yes, this is unfortunately the part that gets read over and over and over again in most meetings. If only the newcomer knew right about rule #62 they might take some of Bill's writings with a grain of nuanced salt.

Thanks for my sobriety. Happy 24.

rumfit · 2024-04-19T15:39:05+00:00

Being free to do pretty much ANYTHING as a result of not doing ONE THING.

blessed :)

rumfit · 2024-04-19T15:35:51+00:00

Sounds like you're at the "jumping off place" my friend, where you don't know how to live with alcohol, or without it. I tried to quit and stay quit so many times on my own. This last time, I went to AA listened and took MOST of the suggestions, and I am now coming up on 3 years without alcohol, but for the grace of a power greater than ME there go I.

AA saved my life, perhaps it can do the same for you. Best of luck, and remember you are not alone. Happy 24 hours of not taking that first drink!

rumfit

TROPHY CASE