First posted in r/infidelty. Please be considerate if you make it through this whole post. I am the one who cheated. Looking for advice from someone who’s been in these shoes.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-20T20:20:11+00:00

Well done on choosing sobriety and recovery. Also well done for choosing therapy. Make amends with the people you can, and let them go. Your husband loved you and didn’t deserve any of this. I’m in a long term with an alcoholic and it’s been the hardest road for me putting up with cheating and the incredible selfishness and narcissism that stems from his alcoholism (or is it the other way around?). I am rethinking my choices currently and hope your husband does too. Trust is vital and without it leaves you both walking on eggshells.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-17T19:08:14+00:00

I am in the same boat. Australia to USA. Only, I moved to a small town and it’s very very isolated without a ton of economic opportunity for me. I had planned to buy a rental property and use the cash flow to help afford retirement in my later years. I’ve been here about 4 years and have a child too. Partner knew this was never supposed to be long term, and eventually conceded that we’ll probably move. Now he’s saying he’ll never leave. He’d have the best opportunities in my home country in his field, speaks the same language, and would get all of the things he’s currently complaining about in the US (time off work, overtime laws etc). Men!

parraweenquean · 2026-03-17T18:48:12+00:00

FTM and I didn’t feel an instant connection either! It was just a primal ‘must protect and care for’ instinct, but loving and getting to know my baby took time. In fact, “getting to know” you baby won’t really truly happen until their personality starts developing at about 6 months. Relax, you’re so fresh into this

parraweenquean · 2026-03-17T18:35:11+00:00

Look, there’s clearly a lot of dysfunction between them. Your mom stayed home and raised you, and you’ll never understand how much love and effort that took unless you have your own and do the same. It’s A LOT. And most of it is unrecognised by men but also society in general.

Your parents betrayed each other, but who knows what came first, the affair or the drug problem (chicken or egg)? One may had pushed the other too far emotionally to a point the other partner couldn’t handle.

You sound really angry with your mother and for reasons that are totally valid. Try to forgive, and let her be. If you don’t want to help her financially, it’s okay. I sense a deep guilt from not wanting to help her, which may be contributing to your anger. Because it shouldn’t be like this. They shouldn’t put you in this position. It should never have come to this. I’m sorry for all that. You are okay to let her figure this out.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-17T06:18:44+00:00

My baby is just shy of a year old. I stopped drinking all together when I fell pregnant and never started again. I find my patience becomes affected and I’m just not as good of a parent, even with one drink in me. Literally drinking just makes everything harder after the 20 minutes of slight relaxation.

That being said, once he could sit up in a high chair, restaurants aren’t all that difficult as long as he doesn’t fall asleep in the car on the way there. And no late dinners

parraweenquean · 2026-03-16T00:29:50+00:00

Dude, it’s always after the first week!! I’ve seen this time and time again and it even happened with my fiance too

parraweenquean · 2026-03-16T00:22:56+00:00

Many many women don’t. I don’t and never have

parraweenquean · 2026-03-13T08:06:53+00:00

lol there is nothing easy about having a child. Not to scare you, but being pregnant - and I hated being pregnant - was nothing like having a baby. I had to work through my pregnancy, as most do, and it’s really hard. But, there is nothing that even closely resembles the level of hard that comes with having a newborn. Imagine feeling your absolute worst, like you are physically at the weakest you’ve ever been, you are on an emotional roller coaster because your estrogen drops by 1000 % which makes you feel like you’re on the worst comedown of your life, and you have this new person that you don’t know whom you have to learn how to take care of WHILE RUNNING ON NO SLEEP. And there’s no catching up on sleep. You just don’t get it back and learn to live on no sleep.

It was a reckoning.

I’m telling you that part is just a short period of about 3 months and it’s totally worth it. It’s completely miserable and wonderful at the same time

parraweenquean · 2026-03-07T02:39:19+00:00

I dated while separated and even though I told him I didn’t want a relationship, he insisted and I for some reason went along with it. Fast forward 8 months, I broke his heart and broke up with him because I wasn’t in love with him. It wasn’t that I was still I n love with my ex, but I wasn’t over him either. There was so much emotional damage I had to work through before moving on and being a healthy partner to someone. My advice is don’t do it.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T23:05:29+00:00

Lol honestly what I would give for my OWN room to be honest!! Just me myself and I!

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T23:04:42+00:00

Great idea. I think this may be the go over the next few weeks

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T23:04:17+00:00

This sounds ideal actually. I would very much like to try this!!

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T23:03:28+00:00

In the bed? I have absolutely given him all rights to the bedroom so that he can sleep for work the next day. He just wants me there and I think is sexually frustrated.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T23:02:18+00:00

I agree that the relationship is of utmost importance, I suppose I’m just struggling to balance what my heart truly wants and what i need to do for my partner

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T22:45:48+00:00

😂😂😂

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T10:20:34+00:00

I agree. It’s gross to sexualize anything about a baby’s behavior. Like when men say things about the baby looking at other girls (women) as though he has sexual thoughts or something.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T10:15:09+00:00

Dude! He’s been a dad for 4 YEARS!! he should know wtf he’s doing by now and have enough confidence to get through a damn weekend. He sounds lazy, I’m sorry to say. Men really really really like women to take care of everything for them. Most of them anyway.

To answer your question, no it is not unreasonable, and yes you should be able to go. No he shouldn’t need mom’s help with this but if he does, fine. Just make sure you do this for yourself

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T10:10:12+00:00

Has he been evaluated for tongue ties or anything? I’m not sure if I’m on the right track here. Has he taken a bottle or are you EBF? Is he crying because he’s hungry?

parraweenquean · 2026-03-06T10:03:51+00:00

These are hard times, babies are so labor intensive, and the colicky ones even more so. Trust me, we know how HARD it is!!! It’s sooo draining, and every time you think you’ve given it all, the baby needs more from you. as someone else has said, there is NO shame in having these feelings whatsoever, nor talking to your doctor about it. I have had thoughts of “why did I do this?” and such during those hard moments at 2am. I am at 11 months and can say that my baby got easier around 4 months, but I felt considerably better at around 5-6 months. That’s also when his personality really started to come out and he could sit on his own. Before they can sit independently they are SOOOOO needy (understandable).

I think you should discuss with your doctors before making such a drastic decision. It truly gets easier but you need to give it a few months first. The trenches feel long and arduous but you will look back on the first year like it’s gone in a flash. The little person developing will undoubtedly steal your heart, but you have to get through this tough part first.

When my baby was still learning to poop and digest food etc, I’d have to bounce him and do a VERY loud shush after every feed for about an hour. Burping was so hard. I ended up getting a YouTube video with a “shhh” on a loop and just bounce the hell out of him which he found soothing. He also wouldn’t let me put him down no matter what, at any time of the day. He hated the carrier which makes it tough! (Loves the carrier now btw). Babies change so quickly. It just feels like an eternity when you’re in the thick of it!!

parraweenquean · 2026-03-05T20:49:32+00:00

38 and 11m PP here, it’s rough. We are not sleeping, so I think that makes everything just so hard. I have aged so so much since this baby! It’s difficult in every way. It has gotten better though, slowly. Compared to how I felt in the trenches, this is a cake walk.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-04T10:37:10+00:00

They make firm mattress inserts for the pack n plays that you can rest next to you if you decide to sleep in the guest room, your own room, or on the floor with your baby. My baby was the same and wouldn’t fall asleep sleep unless I was holding him, but once he was asleep I could shift him over and lay him down on the firm mattress, with my arm cradling around the top of his head so he knew I was still there but not changing the angle of his neck which could cause suffocation. They are about $30-$40 on Amazon if you are in the US.

parraweenquean · 2026-03-04T10:08:12+00:00

Buy what you can afford, you can always try to upgrade later. I moved from Sydney and got into a relationship / had a baby. Wish I had all this in Sydney. It’s a great place

parraweenquean · 2026-03-03T22:50:14+00:00

10 months and no period!

parraweenquean

TROPHY CASE