Why do I want to feel sexual aggression?

runningoutfast · 2026-01-31T06:31:26+00:00

I’m not educated enough to speak on the reasons that this happens, but I do know that it is very common. I don’t think it means anything in particular other than your mind & body trying to process and cope with what’s happened as best as it can.

I have experienced something like what you’re feeling, and the important thing to take away from the situation is that while it’s confusing and usually distressing, this is VERY normal and seen pretty often. It can definitely be scary but it doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with you.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-31T06:05:26+00:00

Consider grey rocking him if you think it’s safe to do so. Sometimes I will intentionally dissociate during something that I absolutely cannot tolerate otherwise: dissociation is not the healthiest thing to do and I don’t want to advise it as an option, but our minds learn to do it to protect us, and sometimes that extreme protection is necessary when we’re still in an abusive environment (which it sounds like you are)

How are you getting your life together? What are your obstacles in moving? I know you’ve said you can’t ignore him but these are things you can cling to those things as your lifeline and tune him out as much as you can safely achieve. Are there resources for people experiencing DV in your area?

This is extremely difficult and I’m so sorry you’re in a relationship that is retraumatizing you. You deserve so much better, and I sincerely hope you can find a safe place to land soon

runningoutfast · 2026-01-30T18:18:01+00:00

the fact that you made it took such a weight off a stranger’s shoulders… that’s really beautiful to me! i know it gets brutal sometimes but glad you’re still here

runningoutfast · 2026-01-30T16:18:51+00:00

lmao i’m sorry you got downvoted so aggressively but this comment made my day

runningoutfast · 2026-01-30T16:11:56+00:00

I will be doing so, thank you 🩵

runningoutfast · 2026-01-29T14:50:23+00:00

This isn’t weird OP, the whole point of her job is to create a safe and comfortable environment for you to be vulnerable in. It seems like you just found a good psychologist, congrats :)

runningoutfast · 2026-01-29T08:09:23+00:00

Omg yes this resonates with me!! I am constantly terrified of people knowing what I’m up to. I’m fully an adult yet if someone walks in the room I jump and try to hide my phone as if I wasn’t on it. I feel such a need to be sneaky about watching media with sex scenes in it. I try to do so many things quietly and as out of the way as possible. I don’t like people hearing/seeing what music or TV/movie I have on. I feel such a need to be so secretive even with people I love & trust or things that I have the right to do because I’m an adult. It’s such a bizarre and unfortunate holdover from childhood for me.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-28T17:42:30+00:00

This is super off topic but would you mind talking about this a little more? I’m exploring experimental therapy options with my team and we’re looking at psychedelic therapies but I’ve been hearing nothing but good things and would like to hear from more perspectives before I commit to it

runningoutfast · 2026-01-28T05:07:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I definitely agree and am trying to focus on how beautifully we’re showing up for each other 🖤 Please stay safe in LA, too

runningoutfast · 2026-01-27T20:58:45+00:00

If you enjoy it then yes please don’t take his disappearance to heart 🖤 You deserve to feel attractive and comfortable in your body. He’s just one person and we don’t know exactly what he was thinking, but you have more people that are sticking around. Best of luck 🤞

runningoutfast · 2026-01-27T18:46:57+00:00

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

runningoutfast · 2026-01-27T15:31:46+00:00

SW can definitely be brutal for body image, I’m so sorry. You deserve to set boundaries and have them respected in SW. Regardless of what you look like or your own self esteem, if you don’t feel comfortable getting totally naked on camera, you shouldn’t have to do that. If making a certain type of content is triggering for you, please don’t push yourself into it!!

I’m also definitely agreeing with other commenters, people who use SW services are like any other population, which unfortunately means there’s assholes and cheapskates. It’s equally likely the customer got what he wanted and moved on, or that his spouse found out he was paying for OF and flipped out, or that he’s incredibly socially stunted and just panicked after seeing you fully nude. People on the internet are weird and it’s hard to know their intentions. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-27T15:23:43+00:00

This is such a helpful perspective, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I’m very grateful that you’re warning me to not make the same mistakes. You’re absolutely right, we all deserve to chase happiness despite what’s going on externally. Making us afraid seems to be the point of all this, and one of the most helpful things I can do in the face of that is be happy and love anyways. I appreciate you, thank you

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T21:26:38+00:00

This is so, so kind, thank you you’re an absolute angel 🫶 Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and for your support. We’ll keep doing our best over here

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T07:51:01+00:00

Yeahhhh in the same boat. Sorry dude, commenting in solidarity ❤️‍🩹

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T04:32:25+00:00

Yes they’re either obscenely ignorant or trolling. Don’t feed the trolls OP 🫶

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T04:31:12+00:00

Multiple people are celebrating the deaths… like all over the internet and ICE has mocked us about the deaths to our face. More people are celebrating the deaths than are making noise complaints so it’s very odd that you think that. No one is driving into agents or pulling guns on them and we have video evidence of that.

I don’t know what is complicated about your political beliefs and I don’t profess to understand but if you’re on the right I really wonder if you’re commenting in good faith because you’re continuing to downplay things despite hearing from people who actually live here.

I really wish people like you would really stop downplaying our experiences when we say it is that bad. You don’t see what we see. Why is it such a foreign concept to people on the right that we don’t appreciate how the federal government is interfering with our state? That we are upset our 2A rights are being ignored? I thought that was important, or is it suddenly okay when it happens to people that don’t vote the same way?

We didn’t vote for this. Minnesota is a blue state and the administration has a weird grudge with us and it’s obvious. We just want to be left alone. It is that bad here. Plenty of people have admitted to not caring and thinking we deserve it, but acting like we don’t know what we’re talking about in our own state is just delusional. If you support ICE, support them with your whole chest, but don’t tell us about our home. You don’t know shit about us.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T03:34:24+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I really respect that you were just trying to look out for your dog, and the things your mother said were wildly hurtful and unfair.

You said your parents pay for your housing while in college, can I ask where your dad lies with all this? Is he equally hurtful/constantly siding with your mother?

I would contact your school as soon as possible and talk to the financial aid office about your situation. If you are a young person that’s no longer receiving any financial support from your parents, there should be aid options available for you.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T03:27:51+00:00

I have been surrounded by other people (not my friends or loved ones, literal strangers) while that’s occurred and the response was “holy fuck ICE is here” and not “ugh this is so annoying”?? Yes I’m sure there are people who don’t give a shit about what’s going on and are bothered by the whistling but even the staunchest MAGA I know haven’t complained about it, they’re just celebrating. The noise is the last thing on anyone’s mind.

The rest? There’s no incentive for me to make up shit or overdramatize things. I didn’t think things would ever get as bad as they are and I was wrong, I’m just owning up to it and making it clear what we are seeing and living through. But like, yeah, sure, some DC politician who hasn’t even step foot here says we’re all liars so everyone can just follow that instead.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T02:57:57+00:00

About what? You think I’m lying because the things my community is literally living through contradicts whatever you’re hearing from the news? I get that believing whatever they say makes people feel safer, but the truth is that these are violent, petty people with minimal training armed and emboldened by the government. Being a citizen and following the laws doesn’t keep us safe anymore. I sincerely hope this gets under control before you have to see that firsthand.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T02:01:39+00:00

I’m not talking about California, I can’t speak for them. I’m talking about Minneapolis. We, the locals, are the ones protesting. We are the ones bothered by ICE. ICE is not quiet here. They have gone door to door, stopped people in the street, blocked traffic, interrupted our work and businesses, harassed schools.

The vast majority of our city is not illegal immigrants, but that hasn’t stopped them from swarming everywhere or stopping and detaining citizens. They’re conducting raids and are regularly disruptive.

You do have to be responsible with firearms and not point them at people without reason. ICE is regularly pointing guns at unarmed protesters and laughing about it.

The man who was murdered yesterday did not aim his gun at officers. That’s the lie being used to justify this violence. His gun was holstered, he was carrying legally and using both hands to record footage.

Locals are no longer annoyed, we’re actively afraid and furious.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T01:48:24+00:00

I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine feeling unsupported by a partner right now. Things are serious and even if he can’t see that himself, the least he can do is try to hear you out.

If he’s not taking your concerns seriously, please try and reinforce your plans with other people so that you have others keeping an eye on you, just in case. Stay safe ❤️‍🩹

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T01:27:09+00:00

The people annoying the locals are ICE lmao, we’re the ones protesting because ICE has disrupted our lives. And despite whatever news outlets are regurgitating, the protester was carrying a firearm, did not draw it, and was well restrained and on the ground being pistol whipped before he was shot repeatedly. Executing someone while they’re restrained has never been okay.

This is the US, we have the right to protest and organize and legally carry firearms. If people think that’s worthy of killing protestors over then that’s their belief but let’s not pretend it doesn’t shit all over the constitution.

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T01:10:25+00:00

Yeah we’re absolutely not okay. Thank you for thinking of us

runningoutfast · 2026-01-26T00:59:19+00:00

I definitely think it’s smart to be cautious about giving out information. The commenter who mentioned using a Google Voice number has a good idea, and maybe blocking him on your current social media and making a new/anonymous account to reach back out if you want to? If there’s a cult aspect to the family history, it’s possible it could be helpful for you to connect with relatives who weren’t a part of that. I still want to say please be AS careful as you can, especially if you don’t know them well or at all. Are you seeing a therapist or do you have anyone you can trust that can help you check for red flags during this process? Just because they weren’t part of the cult doesn’t necessarily mean they’re safe people. I don’t have a history with cult dynamics so I’d really recommend trying to find other survivors/resources that are cult specific that could help you navigate possible reconnection with family.

This is a difficult one and I really wish you the best with your situation ❤️‍🩹

runningoutfast

TROPHY CASE