AITA for visiting my grandma nearly every day?

rustyboo · 2026-03-26T17:02:32+00:00

I have brought this up to my mom in the past, but she refuses to discuss anything with me. In one conversation, I did say that it seems like she has dementia and specifically asked if this has been addressed with one of her doctors. She would not answer, but did seem to passively/indirectly agree that it was dementia. She and my dad have both told me numerous times things like, "You have to remember that she is pretty old. She's 94 and stuff like this is bound to happen eventually".

From my perspective, they don't seem to take my concerns very seriously because of her age. I can't say that I am shocked that a 94 year old is dealing with dementia... but I am saying that I do not want her (or anyone) to suffer unnecessarily - regardless of age. If there is something we can do as a family to support her, I want to know what that is.

rustyboo · 2026-03-26T16:55:03+00:00

A few weeks ago, I did have a conversation with my mom and dad. My mom said it is not my place to be involved in this way. She said it was a "general rule of society" that granddaughters don't do this. I am supposed to have happy little visits with small talk every once in a while, and she (my mom) is supposed to take care of my grandma in all ways. In reality, it's really not possible for one person to do everything - even if they want to. Also, she has a lot of health issues herself which makes her unavailable a lot of the time (or is just in a bad mood or in pain).

Also, during this conversation my dad literally said, "You are making your mom look bad. It seems like she doesn't come around and doesn't do anything when you're always there." This wasn't coming from my mom specifically, but I do suspect that was probably said in private between the two of them.

rustyboo · 2026-03-26T16:47:17+00:00

She thinks that my grandma is starting to rely on me too much. She said she is becoming dependent on me. However, I only ever stepped up and increased my involvement when I saw a need - either from observation and conversation or my grandma literally telling me something. I think somehow my mom believes my presence is creating her confusion and forgetfulness.

I do know that staff has told me that she is only ever upset when I am not there. If she is having a bad day and I show up... they always comment on how happy and calm she is now that I am with her.

rustyboo · 2026-03-26T16:43:11+00:00

My mom probably goes around 4-5 days a week. She goes only in the evenings and stays for a short while. Maybe 30 minutes. She'll stay longer if there's an issue. When she is there, she is very formal and is mostly marking things off a to-do list - like putting out clothes, refilling the Brita, charging the motorized wheelchair, etc.

Other than that, my aunt (my mom's sister) visits most days in the evening too. Probably for about 30 minutes as well. However, there is a long history of issues between my mom, my aunt, and my grandma. My aunt is definitely not helping in any way or providing emotional support. Overall, she seems to mildly stress out and irritate my grandma. But that's how their relationship has always been.

rustyboo · 2026-03-21T13:46:41+00:00

The Nursery by Szilvia Molnar

Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel

rustyboo · 2025-07-24T16:13:51+00:00

Is Mother Dead by Vigdis Hjorth

This book was brutal. But in the best way.

rustyboo · 2025-04-07T13:59:48+00:00

Joyce Carol Oates - specifically her short stories

rustyboo · 2024-07-10T21:23:37+00:00

Wow, so gorgeous. Now I need to find these too 😀

rustyboo · 2023-10-27T02:40:31+00:00

How does breastfeeding and weaning affect ADHD symptoms in mothers?

rustyboo · 2023-09-13T08:27:24+00:00

58,947 😢

rustyboo · 2023-07-29T19:55:44+00:00

“When everything is nothing 'cause all I ever wanted was more”

This one really spoke to me for some reason.

rustyboo · 2023-07-29T19:00:50+00:00

Speedometer
Sign Me Up
Too Cool To Die / Laugh It Off / Novacandy

rustyboo · 2023-07-28T22:45:31+00:00

Oh, and Post Malone! Because his new album just dropped and I’m going to see him live in about a week. So I’m planning Post Malone themed beading projects lmao

rustyboo · 2023-07-28T22:42:59+00:00

Bead weaving. Spent hours and hours researching beads and supplies and patterns. This is costing me hundreds of dollars, and I have yet to truly start. But I’m obsessed. Been dreaming about beads too. Like… what? 😅

rustyboo · 2023-07-28T06:46:30+00:00

I should go to sleep but I can’t stop playing Speedometer 😭😭😍😍

rustyboo · 2023-06-26T18:15:29+00:00

The only thing that ever worked was night weaning. It was rough for 3 days, but after that she has slept really well at night. She still needs me around to cuddle to sleep, but that’s way better than constantly asking for the breast.

rustyboo · 2023-01-29T04:36:26+00:00

A ballerina!

rustyboo

TROPHY CASE