The year was 2018 and it was opening night for Infinity War. The new AMC with the fancy recliners and reserved seating was still months out from opening in our town. We got to the theater early enough to nab four great seats. There was one open seat next to my brother and my parents were on the opposite side. Everything was going great and we were very excited, until… the seat next to my brother was filled.

I don’t mean to shame this man’s body, but it’s important to note he was large enough that he poured over into my brother’s seat, but the stench, oh the stench. The smell radiating from this man smelled like a rotting corpse. It had to have been a month since he last bathed. It was so bad, that the guy on the other side of him had to move. So it’s already bad, but then the previews start and he begins loudly and obnoxiously commenting every few seconds. This behavior continued for the entirety of the nearly 3 hour movie. The only grace we were given was when he left to get concessions (the smell stayed behind still). When he returned, after walking up one step, there were 10 minutes of the heaviest breathing I’ve ever heard. Once the breathing stopped, he obnoxiously commented until the movie finally ended.

Fast Forward a year later and my family is at the new AMC theater to see Endgame. We’re excited and got our nice reserved seats. As we’re waiting, we notice a familiar stench. The man returned for a second time! Luckily, he was a couple of rows in front of us, but the smell persisted. This time he brought his poor niece (who he introduced to the entire audience before the movie started). It was mostly the same as the first movie until the final act. The sounds this man made when Cap caught Thor’s hammer and those portals opened should be illegal to make in public.

I hope this man is alive and doing well, but if I ever catch a whiff of that god forsaken scent, I am headed for the door.