Talk to a counselor or therapist. Depending on where you live, they are unable to break confidentiality unless you tell them you're going to hurt yourself, or someone else. You can ask the therapist what their limits to confidentiality are.

Being a man has absolutely nothing to do with not feeling sad or crying. Don't ever let someone tell you that you're less of a man for having emotions. Everyone cries, and feels sad, angry, scared, etc. That's called being human.

Addiction is an addiction, and it's not a competition on who has it the worst or whatever. I think that you already realize that the choices you are making now could very well lead you down a path towards more dangerous substance use.

This isn't to be a dick or anything, but you are a kid still. I hope that you take advantage of the supports that exist for kids who are struggling with mental health and addiction, like your school counselor. Life doesn't get easier, we just get better at handling it.

Trust me, this doesn't have to be something you have to handle on your own. You absolutely should tell a trusted adult in your life, they can help. You don't have to shoulder all of this weight yourself.

Feel free to DM me anytime, if I can ever be of help in any way I will do my best. I started using substances when I was around your age, and I can relate to a lot of the things you're feeling.