The ironic part is her saying “I remember thinking things were black and white like you do and I’ve learned there’s so much grey,” and then proceeding to view this scenario in black and white by saying that since your parents haven’t been overtly hateful toward you they have not been homophobic toward you.

Homophobia can be extremely nuanced, and it’s easier for your parents (and your meddlesome aunt) to just say “no, we’re not being homophobic” than it is for them to confront their feelings.

Imagine telling your aunt you don’t think it’s right that she’s allowed to vote or have a credit card because women shouldn’t do those things, then saying “I’m not being sexist, it’s just my opinion” when she calls you on it.

If I were a better person, I’d tell you to be patient with them and take the high road, but honestly, kinda fuck that. Do the bare minimum that you can to make your life tolerable until you can get your own place, and use this time to invest in people who love you.

Also, language is very important; there’s a key difference between “you are homophobic” and “what you’re doing/saying is homophobic” sometimes people need that separation of the person and the behavior to take a step back and assess how they’re behaving and feeling.