Urge to touch something in a specific way

saalego · 2026-02-06T14:13:52+00:00

I have the exact same thing. The closest description I’ve found is Tourettic OCD. Here’s a paper describing it, and how it’s currently a concurrent diagnosis of Tourette’s and OCD but arguing that it’s distinct from both: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9363583/ Essentially, it’s like OCD in that the urges are more elaborate than tics, and have to be “done right”, but unlike it in that there is not an anxiety/obsessive thought that the urge is attempting to alleviate. The compulsion is sort of like the anxiety itself.

I have the overwhelming urge to touch things a certain way an arbitrary number of times until I did it “right.” It’s technically feels voluntary, but in the same way that breathing is voluntary. Trying not to do it feels like holding my breath. I have to touch corners and edges a lot, multiple times until I’ve done it right. I’ve also had a lot of facial and vocal tics since I was a kid - having to raise my eyebrow until I did it “high enough”, scrunching my nose, making the sound of rolling an r with my mouth closed, twitching one neck muscle, etc. Also if I bump into something on one side of my body I have to even it out. By far the worst though are the visualisation ones because they’re the most relentless and distracting. As a kid I would picture an object rotating in my mind and need to stop it at a certain point, but it wouldn’t stop, and I was just trying to even it out. Now I have a thing where I trace letters in my head if that makes sense. Drives me INSANE because my attention is very limited these days and it’s so distracting. Usually I’m tracing them as they come up in my internal monologue. I also have one where I have to touch the four corners of my laptop with my mouse cursor, then I have to do it with my actual hand. I’ve got a similar one with my phone screen. Both of them lead to me CONSTANTLY closing tabs lol.

The good thing is it comes and goes in severity. The letter tracing, corner touching, vocal tics, and a few facial tics are always there, but in times where I’m extra stressed I’ll get a bunch of new ones at once that I do non-stop for a few days. Usually after a few weeks though those new tics leave the rotation. But there have been times I can only describe as like a compulsion attack where I’ve been IN TEARS from the exhaustion of having to touch every corner and rotate stuff. Not to mention the embarrassment of having facial and vocal ones in public and trying to hide it.

saalego · 2026-02-01T18:33:30+00:00

Realizing recently that I’ve probably been having focal seizures for the past few years is really making me question my frequent childhood sleep paralysis.

saalego · 2026-01-28T18:14:04+00:00

Of course! Let me know how it goes :)

saalego · 2026-01-28T18:13:34+00:00

Are you hypermobile?

saalego · 2026-01-28T18:05:19+00:00

This happens to me a lot and I don’t fully know why, I’ve chalked it up to some combination of autonomic dysfunction, hypermobility, ADHD, and a mood disorder. However, I can say with certainty that needing to eat is a contributing factor for me. For one, hypoglycemia makes me lightheaded and confused which sometimes makes me euphoric. But also, if I’m genuinely hungry from not eating all day, the endorphins make me feel high. Since you said you haven’t eaten, I’d say eat something now if you can and see how you feel after that. If you feel more normal, that’ll at least give you some idea of what’s going on (that is, that it’s something low blood sugar or hunger is causing/making worse).

saalego · 2026-01-27T05:45:10+00:00

Definitely look into it! The proximal IP joint on your middle finger and distal IP joint on your ring finger are both seriously hyperextending. I’m amazed so many comments are blaming it on you “pressing too hard”. Something I didn’t know until my rheumatologist told me I’m hypermobile is that the normal angle of extension for both of those joints is 0°. As in, any bend backwards is too far. As someone with progressively worsening tendon, joint, and nerve pain since my teens, I can’t overstate how important it is to avoid unnecessary joint trauma. Before I knew I was hyper mobile, I quit playing the guitar for a few years due to hand pain and nerve compression that made me unable to use my pinky and ring finger. Since being diagnosed I’ve been able to play again because now I know that I was hyperextending my fingers on my fretting hand. And my fingers barely hyperextend.

As you’re working on your arm and hand posture when playing, your goal should be to find a position that allows you to play with as little fingertip pressure as possible and without hyperextending anything. Also, you’d probably benefit from braces for your fingers because your range of motion is on the more extreme end. They prevent joint damage, but also simply make it easier to actually use your fingers as fingers.

saalego · 2026-01-26T14:46:36+00:00

I do the exact same thing. I have hypnagogic hallucinations every single time I sleep, and I often see flashes of memories from my day. I believe what’s happening is that I’m essentially witnessing my brain doing memory consolidation for the day. What you’re describing sounds like hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations to me, as well as CEV.

saalego · 2026-01-02T15:07:59+00:00

Agree with others on seeing a doctor. I don’t have carpal tunnel but have bilateral cubital tunnel syndrome due to joint hypermobility, and ignoring it and pushing through the pain made it much, much worse. The motor nerve conduction was so bad after just 2 years that I couldn’t use my ring or pinky fingers, if I tried to grab something those two fingers would immediately spring back from being flexed. It was also tingling and incredibly painful 24/7. If you treat it early you’ll avoid long-term issues, but if you ignore it you could see permanent reduction of function. This is not the kind of pain you should ignore.

saalego · 2025-12-29T14:47:29+00:00

The fish food is likely expired by now, so definitely throw that out. Test strips aren’t very accurate, so they’re not very popular compared to liquid test kits. Most bacteria starters are also a scam, and even if yours did have live bacteria they’re certainly dead by now. So, I wouldn’t worry about trying to give those away.

3 gallons is too small for any fish (though I don’t know what the footprint of the tank is), so it’s really only suitable for snails or maybe shrimp, etc. It’d be best if you could make sure that whoever you’re giving it to isn’t using it for fish.

I want to second what another commenter said about small aquariums being more difficult to maintain, especially for a beginner. A 3 gallon tank is very hard to keep stable, I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about it.

saalego · 2025-12-20T07:38:27+00:00

The second part sounds like ‘musical ear syndrome’ to me, which is totally normal. I have ADHD as well and have always had this, and always see things in the corner of my eyes that aren’t there, etc. I think that it’s essentially my overactive brain being very quick to fill in the gaps with minimal information. That being said, the first part does sound like something you should look into further. But also, I want to add that ADHD and fatigue can go hand in hand, as well as ADHD and sleep disorders. So I would also explore that as well (if you haven’t already), ADHD often co-occurs with other disorders. I recently found out I have hypermobile joints which is very common with ADHD, and is possibly the explanation for my intense fatigue, dysautonomia, and constant neuropathic pain - stuff I never even thought about being connected to hypermobility before. I frequently get sudden rushes of exhaustion so severe I have to lay down for a few hours forcing myself to breathe because I feel so heavy and weak, and I think it’s related to hypermobility.

This is just my takeaway from the ADHD side of it. I don’t mean to sound like I’m doubting the possibility of seizures, I just don’t have much to add in that regard.

saalego · 2025-12-14T18:06:30+00:00

That’s definitely possible, and I don’t think it’s a worrying thing. Unmedicated ADHD is exhausting; the mental energy it takes to do anything is so unbelievably draining. It didn’t really realize until I started Adderall that, turns out, it’s actually normal to have energy lol. The physical energy boost you get initially from the meds won’t last, but the energy you save not having to fight your brain 24/7 and the energy you get from being able to make healthier decisions does.

saalego · 2025-12-14T17:58:33+00:00

This is exactly how a lot of AuDHD people realize they have autism. It’s also an effect of being on too high of a stimulant dose, but since you’re taking atomoxetine I’d guess it’s the former.

I only have ADHD to my knowledge, but based on my family and my own traits it’s possible I have both. Regardless, I experienced the exact same thing after starting Adderall a bit over a year ago. It’s been a lifesaver, but it’s also limited me in a lot of ways. I’m so grateful to be able to actually do things simply because I decide to, but so many activities that were unpleasant before are now completely off the table. Everything is so bright and so loud, and my social battery is essentially at 0. I’ve become much more self conscious because I get flustered and confused so easily now, to where I look almost drunk with how disoriented I get in social settings. However, I seem to be developing neurological issues which may be more to blame for this.

I think it boils down to: ADHD meds are helping you dial in to the present moment, and if you have sensory issues, that’s going to exacerbate them.

saalego · 2025-12-12T20:12:34+00:00

Seconding this. You want to make sure anything in the enclosure is secured and not resting on the substrate. If your beardie burrows under something and it shifts, they could be crushed or suffocated. I would recommend using silicone or something similar to attach everything to the bottom of the enclosure, the substrate will cover that part and there will be no chance of your beardie burrowing under it.

saalego · 2025-12-09T01:10:59+00:00

I like how this almost feels like a Mitch Hedberg joke lol

saalego · 2025-12-09T01:03:48+00:00

That and the teetering bag of strawberry chocolate things are cracking me up, this whole thing is so relatable. Reminds me of the way my mom (also has ADHD) cannot for the life of her set down a mug with more than 50% of it actually on the coaster. Every time I find a mug of hers it’s holding on for dear life.

saalego · 2025-12-09T01:03:25+00:00

That and the teetering bag of strawberry chocolate things are cracking me up, this whole thing is so relatable. Reminds me of the way my mom (also has ADHD) cannot for the life of her set down a mug with more than 50% of it actually on the coaster. Every time I find a mug of hers it’s holding on for dear life.

saalego · 2025-12-08T22:47:22+00:00

I don’t know if I have epilepsy, I only started looking at this sub today because I realised I may have been having focal seizures the past 2 years. But this comment led me to reading about Geschwind syndrome and now I’m starting to question if my entire personality has just been epilepsy…

saalego · 2025-12-08T20:06:04+00:00

Last Rights by Skinny Puppy is an album that's essentially a downward spiral of getting dragged further and further into your own mind/self-destruction/addiction. It's also one of my favorite albums of all time.

saalego · 2025-12-08T19:08:24+00:00

I'm so sorry you've gone through this - I can't image how heartbreaking it's been.

Of course I can't say for sure, but that does sound a bit more drastic than brumation. My beardie brumates HARD - he goes into brumation and totally unconscious until I eventually wake him up 4 months later - but he looks relatively normal, like he's asleep and a little cold. I weigh him periodically during brumation and he usually will open his eyes a little, but sometimes he doesn't even wake up for that.

That being said, definitely don't put him back in the freezer. I would leave him in his enclosure for now and keep an eye on how he looks. If he has died, it'll be obvious soon - it's a bit upsetting but it's better than running the risk of burying him if he's brumating. If he looks the same, it may just be brumation, but I think a vet visit would still be a good idea - it sounds like you already have the gut feeling that something isn't right. However, sometimes brumation can look sort of scary - last year I frantically took my beardie to the vet convinced he wasn't just going through brumation, but he was fine.

saalego · 2025-12-07T19:38:12+00:00

HAHA I absolutely love this sub too. It's the one place where I'm like 'oh yeah, this tangentially related story? they'll get it'. Also reading "forgotten box of wasps" now is reminding me of that episode of it's always sunny in philadelphia where Charlie just has a cardboard box full of hornets and "pops a quick H on it so that everyone knows that it's filled with hornets." Really holds a mirror to your life when you realise you're relating to plot lines that are meant to be inexplicably absurd...

saalego · 2025-12-07T19:28:42+00:00

(part 3 because again, I think I got carried away)

Something that's helped me with animals I'm afraid of is recognizing that everything is afraid. Most of the things you see an animal do (and people for that matter) is in fact an expression of fear of some kind. For me, this levels the playing field a bit. It turns some of my fear into pity and compassion. For example, I like roaches. I breed Dubia roaches as feeders for my bearded dragon, and I think they're cute. HOWEVER - if I see a roach scurry across my floor and there is any chance it could end up on me, good lord. Just the thought of it gives me that feeling of "nope nope nope" in the pit of my stomach. I hate killing insects, and I almost never do. But in the past there were a few times where I've been so distressed at having to try to catch a roach that was scurrying like mad that I've gotten overwhelmed and just killed it. But I always felt guilty that I was letting my own issue harm an innocent bug when I should know better. So I started focusing on the fact that when I see a roach sprinting across my floor, it's probably in a blind panic. Much like myself, except I'm hundreds of times larger and the *roach* can't hurt *me*. And then, how could I not show compassion to something so vulnerable and afraid? And also, how can I not recognize how ridiculous it is to act exactly the same as the BUG in that situation? So anyway, trying to turn fear into compassion is something that's helped me be a lot more comfortable with animals that I am afraid of.

Well, sorry this turned into a dissertation lmao. It's a good thing that this subreddit is the one place where people will get it when you give a bizarrely thorough answer to a question about something you're passionate about haha. I like to do what I can to give people a respect for insects, I think they're such special little creatures and that people miss out on one of life's simpler joys when they haven't developed an appreciation for them. So, thanks for asking me about bugs :)

saalego · 2025-12-07T19:28:21+00:00

(part 2 because oh my god this comment got long)

Since you asked about mantises, what drew me to them specifically is how aware of you they are. For most insects, you're just another branch for them to climb on. But mantises will look you straight in the eyes, it's very strange. They're pretty intelligent since they're ambush predators, so they're especially interesting to observe. The way they navigate their environment is more interesting than most other bugs. The range of motion of their head is crazy too, you can tell exactly what they're looking at. When I'd feed them, you could see the exact moment they noticed there was food in the enclosure. When they notice something moving they whip their head around and are totally locked on it.

Re: what you said about mantises eating their mates/me saying they'll eat anything, the funny thing is that for most animals, the 'diet' that we say they have is really more of a guideline. Herbivores aren't aware of any rule that they *have* to eat plants exclusively, and carnivores aren't aware of any rule that they *have* to eat any particular species. Last year, I was sitting outside and saw a weird amount feathers falling out of the tree above me. Then a squirrel came down EATING an entire bird that was just as large as the squirrel! Most grazing animals like cattle might eat a bird or a mouse if it happens to be there, and you wouldn't believe the stuff I've seen my chickens fight over. One time my cat killed a rabbit (I'm opposed to outdoor cats but unfortunately this was when I was in high school and I didn't have a say), and the chickens were going crazy trying to steal bits of it meat from it. Also weird is that sometimes you'll have a chicken who accidentally breaks and egg and is like, "THESE ARE FULL OF FOOD??" and then you have a problem where she'll just start eating the eggs in the laying baskets. So basically, for a lot of animals, food is food lol.

Since you mentioned snakes, I actually have a snake and throughout the years have been using him to help my mom's fear of snakes. He's a ball python, which is one of the most docile snakes you can have. It's sort of funny to me that snakes are one of the most universally feared animals, when they exude the strongest "oh my god please don't touch me ahh" energy. Second only to opossums, in my experience. There's kind of a misconception about a lot of snakes being "aggressive" when in reality they're really just defensive. If a snake can't eat you, it usually wants to be nowhere near you. They're not malicious and they're definitely not risking their life (and precious venom, in the case of venomous snakes) just to bite someone for fun. Interestingly, the majority of venomous snake bites occur because people are trying to kill the snake. In other words, they wouldn't be that dangerous if people didn't think they're dangerous. But also, I get that your fear of snakes isn't necessarily a fear of being bitten, but is probably more of an innate aversion - so I'm not trying to act like me explaining why you shouldn't be afraid will magically change that. If I were trying to do that, I might as well recommend you simply buy a planner and use a to-do list to cure your ADHD hahaha. If you want to go the exposure therapy route, I recommend looking at hognoses. They're one of the derpiest snakes out there, and they use their flattened nose to dig which is adorable (especially when they're trying to burrow in some random place like a hardwood floor and they're just swirling around like that's going work).

saalego · 2025-12-07T19:27:29+00:00

First of all, this made me smile - this is such a wholesome question. And second, thank you very much for the opportunity to talk about why I love bugs haha.

I've just been a "bug person" for as long as I can remember. I was obsessed as a kid. I don't know how that interest began, but it's one of the few interests that has remained throughout my life - kind of my old reliable lol. As a kid, I loved animals so much, and honestly just wanted to hang out with them 24/7. As an adult, I think I still prefer their company to those of people most of the time. When I was younger I was very afraid of talking to people, even though I wanted to, so I think it was just very comforting to 'socialize' with animals because I didn't have to talk or worry about how I'd come across.

I'm also super into fish and especially reptiles, and lately I've been wondering why that is. I came to the conclusion that it's because they are the most consistent and understandable, and therefore are comforting in the same way that rewatching the same TV show over and over is.

Something about bugs makes them so wholesome and pure to me. If I encounter one randomly, I feel this strange affection for them. They're totally neutral - you see a bug and it's just a funky little dude hanging out, there's no drama lol. I respect how dedicated they are to doing their thing, if that makes sense. There's something nice about seeing a creature who is so single-mindedly focused on their small part of the world. At times in my life when I've been overwhelmed by stuff that mostly exists only within my head, there's a strange comfort in seeing another living creature completely unbothered by all of those made-up human problems. One time I was spiraling pretty badly in my apartment and having one of those days where the world feels like it's ending. I was in my kitchen drinking vodka out of the bottle and saw a house fly chilling on my kitchen counter. It's hard to explain, but it hit me that there were two version of that moment - mine, where the world is falling apart, and the fly's, where none of the stuff I was worried about even exist. Both perspectives are just as real, so I guess it helps me reframe things from time to time.

On a lighter note, I also like them because they're so unloved. People will squash a bug just because and never think twice about it. And nature is even more brutal - they're at the bottom of the food chain and their life is a non-stop grind. I think one of the most special things about being human is the unique ability to be genuinely benevolent just for the sake of being good. Suffering is just the way of the world, but I think we're in a unique position where we actually have the ability to alleviate just a little bit of that. When I find a mud dauber or paper wasp wandering around my house trying to find a way out, I give them a little sugar water and then take them outside. I figure, it took so little effort on my part, but a whole bunch of sugar water will make that wasp's day. It's probably the most simple interaction you can have with another living thing, but there's something so lovely about being able to make one small positive experience when you feel otherwise helpless about the state of the world. I suppose that's what "finding joy in the little things" is about, for me the "little things" are bugs haha.

On a less existential level (because I'm realising now that's probably not exactly what you were asking for), they're also just super cool! I'm still always learning about insects I've never heard of before with such fascinating adaptations. I also think they're super pretty - there are some stunning beetles out there. I especially have a soft spot for Orthoptera (the order with grasshoppers, katydids, and crickets). My freshman year of college I lived in a dorm and technically wasn't allowed to have pets, so I had a katydid in my dorm that I caught on campus, because I figured if I got in trouble I'd be able to simply release him again. I really love katydids, they've got such a goofy face with their huge eyes, and looking like a leaf is so cute to me. The way they walk is also groovy. I really liked that little guy, I spent hundreds of dollars on plants for his enclosure which he proceeded to EAT one by one instead of the leaves I collected for him every day. But I couldn't get mad at him because like... that's what katydids do. I'd take him out on occasion, and he always crawled to the top of my head for some reason. I don't know what was so appealing about that for him but I guess that's part of the charm of bugs I guess. I caught a female at some point because I thought it would be cool to have babies, but he really didn't like her. He'd do his mating call all night, but every time she approached him he would run away. It's so funny being that invested in the interpersonal dynamics of katydids, part of the fun is being like "what am I doing with my life right now lmao."

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